50 Shades of Gray.....Hair

I've talked a lot  about my gray hair on here. It's kind of been a big part of my life, since deciding to grow it out a year and a half ago. I'm not going to lie, there are many days, maybe even everyday, that I feel a twinge of nostalgia or even sadness for my old, brown hair.

But, I think the reason that I keep bringing it up, is because the gray has become a symbol of "Me". Even though I don't want it to define who I am, it ultimately does. When I go out in public, people who don't know me stare. It happens everywhere that I go.  I know that people don't mean to be rude, I understand, but sometimes I worry about the stares and sometimes they make me feel odd, or ugly or old.  Once in a while, you just want to be normal.....

I can't see myself attempting to go back to a color. For one thing, I'm allergic to a key additive in 98% of hair dyes. Three day headaches and puffy eyes are just not worth it. And then there's the yucky chemicals in the dyes that I was needing to apply every three weeks, just to keep up with my roots. All of the organic hair dyes are lovely, but without the binding additive, they really don't cover all of the gray. They're meant for people with gray hair here and there, not for somebody like me. The henna that I used for years is out. My hair turned very red after time, and I just couldn't take putting it on my hair every few weeks. It was the consistency of mud, made an incredible mess, had to sit on your head for ever....and the smell.....I will never forget. WET DIRT WITH GRASS. Yuck

I also have a year-and-a-half invested in this whole growing out stuff. Too much to go back on right now. Finally I guess, there is something satisfying about not having to worry about dying your hair, about being "authentic". Being the real me.

For all of the hard times, and the days when I miss my youthful brown hair, there are some bright spots. One VERY unexpected thing is the amount of compliments that I get on my gray. Honest to goodness, I'd say every other day somebody comes up to me when I'm out, and they say things like: "I like your hair", or "I wish I had the courage to do that".  It doesn't take courage, just a propensity towards premature gray and allergy to hair dye, but I really really do appreciate their kind words. I really do. It's mostly women, usually they tell me about their gray hair. That they wish they could stop coloring. Sometimes it's men. No too often, but when the men say something, they say that they like it, or that it looks "cool". Ha! That's funny, I am the polar opposite of cool. LOL. But, I'll happily accept their opinion.... :)

Once again, I'm writing more than I intended. This latest post on my hair is really just for the people who have been asking for an update on how the growing out process has been going. There isn't a ton to report, and actually, I need to get a real "update" photo. It's been a long road, but my advice would be, if you really feel ready, just jump in and go for it!

Once, I had normal, dark brown hair. (Although in this picture, you can already see my lighter roots. That was where the hair dye was starting to wash out. What a pain.) I miss my old hair sometimes. Sigh.......

Over time, my reaction to regular hair dye became more pronounced. I've since learned that this is quite common with the additive, PPD. I had to stop using conventional dye, and switched to henna.

Henna is awesome, it's all natural, made from the flowering plant Lawsonia and also indigo. But.....after two years of application, my hair began to look a VERY un-natural and undesired shade of red. People began to comment, even joke about how strange it looked. I was kind of left with one option.......I started to grow my gray out...

One day, about a month in, an older man who worked at the front desk at the sports club that we visit, made a joke about my three colored hair. Something like that. He was right, it was white, red, and brown. I was so embarrassed, that the next day, I decided to chop it all off.

I LOVED having short hair. It was SO MUCH fun! And boy was it nice to just get up and go in the morning. No long blow-drying sessions. I'm a girlie-girl at heart though, and I never felt right or pretty. I know I had to keep trying to grow my hair.

The in-between period is THE WORST. I always felt ugly and embarrassed. The cut was awkward and it looked like somebody poured a bucket of gray paint on my head!......

I was sad, and sometimes dramatic. SO EMO! 

lol.

But, it got easier. And better. A little length, a little more evenness.....

And one day it started to look a BIT less unusual. Kind of. 

(See where I get that gray from!?)

And today, this is me, Which really means nothing because I am wearing a hat. Ha! I'll need to take a better update, but basically my hair is like the photo above, only a little longer.

I guess the bottom-line is, while some decisions that you make, might not put forth your most conventionally beautiful-self, I think the glow of authenticity and intention from within is worth something too. Perhaps even more....