Thursday, August 20, 2009

I Really Enjoy Writing, But...........


I have moderate-severe ADHD* (No, really, really, I do. Say lots of expensive tests and "brain mapping".), and every time I hear the slightest noise, I completely lose my train of thought. It is so so frustrating. It makes me cry sometimes, it drives me up a wall. I hate this about myself.

WE LIVE IN 1,100 sq FEET. YOU TRY ESCAPING THE NOISE OF TWO OTHER PEOPLE, AND TWO CATS WHO THINK THAT THEY LIVE IN AN ALTERNATE REALITY CALLED "WWF CAT WRESTLE-MANIA". EVERYDAY.

I dream of a teeny tiny writer's cottage in our backyard.

In college, I had to register with The Handicapper's Office. They gave me the opportunity (which I stupidly never accepted) to take my exams in a small, soundproof room, with no windows and nothing to distract me on the walls. Sad.

I used to take Ritalin. It works. I sobbed the first time I was able to read through an entire chapter of a book, rather than having to stop to jump around and sing after every two pages.
It's hell.

Once I took a dose of Ritalin, but was so quickly distracted, that I had forgotten that I had already taken my dose, and took another. I was panicked. Called my doctor, it was ok in the end, but scary.
Ritalin made me not really me, kind of a shell of me, so I stopped taking it. I wish I had the courage to start again, but stimulants scare me.

In fifth grade I won a little award for my writing. My dream, to become an author. I'd go to school and hone my craft. That was the plan. I never developed the attention span to become a good writer. I hate fiction, I love the brain. My new secret dream? A graduate psych degree, some clinical research, and maybe...just maybe, a book on ADHD and other incredibly annoying odysseys of the brain.


*WARNING: Dressing your daughter in knee socks, banana shirts, and Sally Jesse Raphael glass may induce ADHD in children. That, or years of merciless taunting in regards to being THE BEE GIRL
http://dandelionmama.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/beegirl.jpg

or WELCOME TO THE DOLL HOUSE.
http://www.tescodvdrental.com/tesco/images/products/9/41289-large.jpg

3 comments :

Kendra Lynn said...

You are very entertaining, Lauren. I love reading your posts. You ARE a good writer. Far better than I am, and I don't struggle with ADHD! My dream, too, was to be a writer...but...life happened. So, I have resorted to blogging, and FBing and sometimes, writing the occasional article/poem/story. Its working for me at the moment, but someday...someday...I gotta keep the hope building, ya know?

JAB said...

I always kind of knew you were a bit AD(H?)D but didn't realize you were medically diagnosed. It's all part of your charm! And look how for you've come without the drugs, that takes balls. I love your writing btw.

I also love those pictures of you as a kid! Soooo adorable. Sounds like you may be in the "nerdy kid, cool adult" club. We'll have an official meeting one day, I want to be the treasurer :)

PS I have stolen your genius in the form of いただきまんこ。It's the funniest thing I've ever heard in Japanese. I say it to Japanese people right after they take a sip of a drink, it induces a spit-take about 70% of the time.

Anonymous said...

I think that's a very lovely, heartfelt post. I know you well enough to know how painful it all is for you.

Actually, can I use this post for a prof development for teachers on students with learning needs?

In retrospect, you are much cuter than bee girl or dollhouse girl...

laura