Seven Best Tips & Tricks for Successfully Growing Your Gray Hair Out!

Hi Silver Sisters, it's Lauren from September 2018!  I have the most amazing update for you - my husband Jon and I have launched our very own hair care line!  I have learned so much on my gray journey, and our new products incorporate all of my "tips and tricks" for making silver hair look terrific.  I am leaving all prior recommendations in place because I hope that they will continue to be helpful to people, and I will continue to use and enjoy many of the products that I have written about in the past. My opinions still stand on them. 

I hope that you will take a look at our new line By The Way, Your Hair Looks Fabulous!™  - it is a complete line of hair-care and styling products made especially for Silver Sisters AND for anyone who wants their hair care to be more natural and more affordable! 
 
xoxoxo,

Lauren

***(UPDATE! Hello all of my beautiful, wonderful silver sisters! If you've found your way to How Bourgeois from this particular post - first a very warm WELCOME!!!  I want you to know that we're all on this rollercoaster of a gray haired journey together! It's been four years since I wrote this Tips & Tricks post, so once you're done reading, if you would like see more silvery hair encouragement, support and updates on all sorts of gray-hair topics, please visit my "Gray Hair Posts" tab at the top of the page for much much more. Also, if you enjoy what you've read, please consider following  How Bourgeois, here or on my How Bourgeois Facebook Page where we share and discuss and cheer each other on. That would make me sooooo HAPPY! :)
I also have a Favorite Products page where I list and update all of my favorite products gray hair related products that I've tried out and truly loved. Let me take some of the guess work out of it for you.  Thank you everyone, I wouldn't be who I am without all of YOU! xoxoxoxooxo, Lauren ) *****

This is my hair recently. It has grown a bit longer and a bit more gray since I first wrote this post. I've learned so much on this five-and-a-half year adventure of growing out my gray and I'm so excited to share what has helped me along the way!      

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**  Hi friends. I just wanted to let you know that this post contains some Amazon affiliate links. That just means that some of these products are linked to Amazon. If you find a product that you like and decide to purchase it through my link, I receive a small percentage of Amazon's profit. I promise you that I always give my open and honest opinion, and only recommend products that I believe in. For a full explanation, please see my complete disclosure HERE!Thank you very much! **

Hiya  my silver sisters! ARE.YOU.READY!?..... ready to become a Gray Goddess!?

Do you want to be known as a silver Fox!?

Grrrrrrrowl!

  Or maybe even..... you want to be like me:  The Gray Goose! HONK!

(Wait, do geese quack?)

Are you tired of having to dye or henna your grays every few weeks? Do you have an allergic reaction each time that you color your hair? Perhaps you'd like to avoid the not-so-great chemicals in most of the dyes out there. (The wonderful natural hair coloring systems are not always strong enough to cover the hair of those of us who are mostly gray.) 

Has coloring you hair been expensive, messy and time consuming? Or, are you just simply curious to see what you'd look like in your "authentic" color!?

WHATEVER your reasons may be, deciding to go gray is a BIG decision, and an EMOTIONAL one at that!  Choosing to show the world your gray grow can be scary, frustrating and honestly, a bit of a downer at times.

BUT......I can PROMISE you, in the end, it will be 
SO worth it !!!!!!

Going gray is certainly not the right choice for everyone, and that's ok! 

If you do decide that it is something that makes sense for you, I'll be 

 here to help and support you, each step of the way!

(See. That's supportive gray hair love, shooting out of my head and into you!)

I've met THOUSANDS of the most lovely, wonderful, encouraging Silver Sisters over the years, and if there is one thing I know, it's that we're here for each other! Through all of the emotional struggles and the triumphant celebrations. So if it's something that you're ready to do, PLEASE JOIN US! 

Hooray! Hooray! Can you imagine not having to worry about whether your roots are showing? Or taking all of that time and money that you usually put into coloring, and using it on something new and truly enjoyable? If you take small, easy steps to care for and condition your hair, you just might find it to be even SOFTER and much HEALTHIER than before you stopped coloring! Really!

As difficult it is to face the world (and our society) with your gray, it can be rewarding in so many different ways too. Believe me, not only will you learn how to redefine your self-image, authenticity and what constitutes beauty, but you'll also learn about being comfortable in your own skin!

Who knows, you might even help pave the way for others. It's hard enough in our culture right now, for women to "make the grade" in the looks department. Even one person wearing showing their grays, helps to start a discussion towards the acceptance of all different ways to look and be in this world.

Are you ready? Let's go! Here are my SEVEN BEST TIPS AND TRICKS to help you make growing out your gray as easy as possible!

1.) Think About It This Way Instead - What if the gray was your best feature!?

There was a vintage advertisement floating around Pinterest last week, and I am so angry that I didn't stop to pin and save it. I believe it was from Miss Clairol. The ad showed a beautiful young woman, with perfectly coiffed gray hair! Oddly, back then, Clairol sold colorant that actually helped to highlight your gray. The slogan across the photos was something to the effect" "What If The Gray Was Your Best Feature"?

(Three cheers to several of my readers who have sent me this advertisement!)

Guess what? It just might be!

Really, no offense at all to your lovely smile or your beautiful eyes. It's just that, you might be as shocked as I was to find, that your silver hair grabs a lot of (positive) attention!  In fact, if your experience is anything like mine, you will fine yourself receiving infinitely more kind compliments and questions on your hair color than you ever have before. Of course, some of the attention can be good and some uncomfortable, (like stares) but the point is, re-think the negative connotation to gray. It can actually be one of the most interesting and pretty points about you!

While certainly not everyone finds gray hair on women to be a positive or particularly attractive, I will be open with you and say that I never received compliments on my hair before growing out the gray. Now, nearly a day does not a day goes by without a random person stopping to say: "I like your hair." Your new color can be your new, most individual and interesting exterior part of you!

It can be fun too. You get to play around with new colors of clothing, make-up and accessories to wear. Your white can be a conversation starter, or something that says: "I'm an individual!"  It's really all about what angle you look at it with. So, re-think the way you think about gray, and you've won half the battle!



2.) Find Your Gray Goddess Inspiration!

This is an old, old still from a film of my Grandma Esther. Isn't she glamorous in her white gloves? Grandma Esther is my Gray Goddess inspiration, and you should have one too.
We all need role models, teachers and mentors to learn on and look up to from time to time. People who have been there, done that, lived through the hard parts. People who inspire us!
Here's why- they give us the motivation to keep going and remind us that growing out our gray is possible.

I wish that my Grandma Esther was still here. I'd ask her questions about her own gray hair, and why she chose not to dye it. I'm curious! The story is that my Grandmother, like me, started going gray at a young age, and that she was "salt and pepper" as I am, for as long as my father can remember. In fact, when I was recently watching old 8mm home movies that my Grandpa Harry took in the early sixties, I could see that I even have a similar white-ish streak in the front just like my Grandma!

Once you choose your inspiration, remember to think about them often, especially in the long days, mid-grow out. Just remember, if they can do it, so can you!

To find some inspiration, I recommend Googling "Pretty gray hair on women" or phrases similar to that. There are thousands of pictures at your fingertips. Also, for my readers on Pinterest, that is my personal favorite place to find visual inspiration for gray hair everything!

Who will be you gray goddess?

3.) Pick The Right Timing  for YOU!

I want you to have the best chance of success, and so should you. That's why, doing a little bit of pre-planning will REALLY pay-off in the end. First you need to ask yourself : "Are there any SUPER important events coming up this year, that I need to look my best for?" You must be honest, but also reasonable with yourself.  For example, I was asked to chair a very large, formal fundraising auction the year that I had started growing out my gray hair . I knew that I would be up on a stage in front of 350+ people, and because I was also aware that I might have my photo taken for some newspapers or local magazines, I knew for me, this was a deal- breaker. I had to wait until after the auction was over to grow out my hair, so re-colored and decided to wait.

NOW............ there was another time, before even the notion of chairing an auction was on my plate, that I began growing out my gray.  I knew that my brother-in-law was getting married in New York several months ahead. OF COURSE I wanted to look my best, especially in the family photographs that will last forever.....BUT.....I needed to ask myself, was this REALLY an event that warranted pushing my growing out back another six months? The honest answer was "No, not really", and I'll tell you why.  It wasn't my wedding, I wasn't going to be, nor should I be the center of anyone's attention. It wasn't MY day to look my absolute 110% greatest ever. If I had to get creative with camouflaging the gray, I was willing to give it my very best shot. You really need to weigh things out when finding the best timing to jump in. Try to hold back on the worrying, and only delay the growing out process if it's something where you'll truly be in the spotlight.  Besides, if I did end up with terrible, terrible hair right before the wedding, I knew I could always re-henna or re-dye and start again after. There are so many things that can stop us from taking the leap. Sometimes holding our nose and hopping in is the best thing to do. 

By the way - here's my wedding hair. I think it worked out fine enough, don't you!? Also, at some point after this photo was taken, I went into the lady's room for an instant root touch up, and so can you!

NOW I'LL TEACH YOU YOU HOW............. :)

4.) Getting Started - Hiding the dreaded "skunk stripe!"

I'm going to be honest with you. One of the hardest things, maybe the ONLY difficult thing for some people about growing out their gray hair is the dreaded "skunk stripe." The line of demarcation, that ever-widening stripe of white that begins at your roots, and cascades ever so sloooooowly down as the months go by.  Here is an example:

Behold, the completely embarrassing "skunk stripe", back when my hair was extra-strange red from years of henna. Do you know how many times this photo has been taken from my site and used in anti-gray hair color ads??? :(

Ok, so there's two ways to look at the skunk stripe, one positive way, one negative. I suggest the positive.  

On the one hand, negatively, the skunk strip is glaring and a force to be reckoned with. It's MUCH more obvious than for the people who's gray grows in strand by random strand. In this sense, skunk stripes are seriously the worst.

On a positive note, although the skunk stripe is a little "In-Your-Face," you'll be over and done with growing your hair out to more consistent color,  faster than your friends who only have strands slowly coming in. 

Strands or a skunk stripe, both have their pros and cons, and both have a bunch of great ways to ease the transition for you as they grow! If you can have fun and learn some neat ways to lessen the contrasting gray's impact, why not! You'll be much happier and more likely to stick with it while growing out your grays!

Skunky Tip #1. - For a while, it's all about HIDE, HIDE, HIDE!

(This goes for you too to some degree my stand sisters.) I can't even begin to tell you how many great products there are out there to help you in your early months of transitioning to gray. While your silvery roots are still just a few inches long, you'll have LOTS of options!

Let's start with the root touch-up group. Root touch-up products come in a several forms: Liquid with a mascara like wand, a solid stick or "crayon," and even powder!

I suggest going online and reading reviews, or visiting your local beauty supply store to ask which brands people have been most happy with. There really are so so many different formulas and styles  to choose from!

One popular choice is the root cover-up stick. I preferred the stick because I was able to wet it and "paint" on light layers of color over my roots, just like using water colors! You had a bit more control over how much coverage you would get, verses using a liquid form which was often very opaque.  While I didn't care too much for the strong perfume smell of the stick, my favorite was the 

Roux Tween Time Hair Crayon.

I liked this touch-up stick because it was larger in diameter than most of the others out there and comes in quite a few colors. You could cover more roots in less time due to it's size, and because you wet the stick, that allowed me to be more precise with how much color went onto my hair. It can leave the top of your head feeling a bit waxy though, so if it does, sometimes combing through gently with a fine toothed comb will help to make the texture more natural. Have fun, just experiment, and try not to take any of this crazy stuff we do too seriously! :)

The next form of root touch-up that I want to discuss is the powder form. Something that I had not known about at the time, and WISHED that I had tried! Many of us use make up for our faces - it comes in powdered form. So why not then, use powder make-up for your hair!? I found this nice, little kit - COLOR WOW'S Root Cover Up  and I think it looks great! I have not tried it before, but it seems to be a crowd favorite and I think I would have loved it too. Read the reviews and watch their demonstration video and see for yourself. I love that powder cover-up isn't drippy or waxy like some of the sticks and liquid cover-ups. 

5.) Mid-way through. The skunk stripe gets fatter. Time for More Advanced undercover!

Just imagine it guys- you'll feel SO happy when you're all done with the grow-out process. One day soon, that skunk stripe will be more than a stripe, it'll look like a white yarmulke! And as potentially unappealing as that sounds to wear on your head for a good few months,  it's still a great thing, because that means you're getting closer to the finish line!

Enter advanced cover-up. When the root touch up wands and sticks are not enough, when the line of gray is getting too wide to paint on with color each day, consider these more powerful tools that I personally used and loved:

Ya ready for something kind of silly? Believe me, with the following, you'll be like....."WHAT am I doing?" These two techniques can work though, and  if going au natural with your grow out is just not for you, than it's worth giving the following powder and foam a try!

Ok, here you go - Bumble & Bumble Brownish Hair Powder  . This stuff is pretty darn cool and comes in several colors.  Many people use this product to help style slightly oily or un-washed hair., and to add texture and volume. Buuuuuut....because it comes in several colors, it's also super useful for covering your grays! I sometimes used this spray on powder when I wanted to look a bit more pulled together. Once in a while it would rub off on my clothing, so be careful. After reading the Bumble and Bumble's website, I can see that perhaps part of my problem was using it on clean, non-sticky hair. The powder was not always adhering as much as it could. Bottom-line though, neat stuff. This powder was a life-saver and really helps you in camouflaging your silvers!

Next up, foams (and rinses too)........

I am not a little old lady. I am not a little old lady. Just keep telling yourself that. No offense to little old women at all, AT ALL, it's just that, when  you're 35, you are not quite read to skip through mid-life to elderly just yet. And the word "RINSE" it just invokes images of...well, cartoon little old women from yesteryear with purple hair!  

There is a reason that women have been using rinses, and their cousin "coloring foams" for a long time though, and I think taking a cue from your wise grandmothers and great-grandmothers is a good idea.

Here are two examples,Roux Fanci-Full Rinse and Roux Fanci-Full Mousse . Both products work by being applied to the hair, letting dry, and wearing the color until the next wash. I have personally only used the mousse before. It actually worked quite well, but honestly, I hate putting more chemicals than I have to into my hair, so any day that I could go without a head-full of mousse, I would.  Everyone is different though, and using what you need to get through growing out of your grays is important! So do what works for you the best and feel good!

* VERY IMPORTANT EDIT! - It has been brought to my attention by a wonderful reader, that people have been having problems with the Fanci-full Color Styling Mousse staining their gray hair! YIKES! Please please be very carful, that would be such a set back in the growing out process. I was one of the lucky ones, I did use Fanci-full's dark brown mousse and for whatever reason, it did not leave any staining that I noticed. I only used it a handful of times though. Also, some of us have more porous or more dry hair than others. My hair did not soak up the mousse color. Please be very careful, be aware, and make the decision that is right for you! Thank you readers, you are amazing, THE BEST! :)

        

6.) Now What?  Half a Head of Gray. Let's Distract and cover!

Ok, I'm going to tell you a great secret about growing out your hair and leaving the dyes, rinses, foams , powders and sticks behind..... THERE ARE FEW THINGS AS LIBERATING AS NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR HAIR COLOR ANYMORE!

I really really mean this. Once your hair starts to grow out far enough, and using the cover tools is not so much an option, here are a few tactics that helped me with my transition. It was so nice to stop with the chemicals, the perfumed products, the whole mess and hassle.

I'll started with the oddest thing that I did. I guess it does include a tiny bit of root touch-up stick, but not much more. I FULLY ADMIT THE FOLLOWING MIGHT SEEM  CRAZY. 

There comes a time in every prematurely gray girl's life, when she just wants to look young again. When she feels discouraged, like her hair will never be one color. So, she goes out and buys a........FALL.  Yes, a fall, as in, a mini-wig! I'm embarrassed to say this because it seems so extreme, and some people have medical necessities and must wear wigs. I feel badly about that. They're not comfortable. Most people don't choose to wear wigs. I was feeling desperate, I didn't know how to hide my half-a-head of white hair anymore. The stares were getting to me. So, I went to our local beauty supply store, and came across these headbands with synthetic or human hair attached to them. They looked so long and pretty and youthful, and the shop owner took pity on my strange, half white, half dark brown locks, by readily offering up a discount. I came home that day with long, brown hair.....that wasn't mine! 

I know this photos doesn't really show much, but I'm wearing the fall here. I tied one of my scarves around the headband part to cover more of my gray hair in the front. Then, using a touch-up stick, I colored any remaining hair brown. A perfect solution? No. Helpful on the hard days? Yes. I know I must have looked odd, especially to those who knew me, but out in public, at least it was a way to avoid some of the surprised stares. 

A favorite tactic of mine, that I've used for a long time, is the "half-up" hair do. If you are like me, or like many women, every single hair on your head is probably not going gray at once. This is a good thing, because it helps you look a bit "softer". As the gray roots widen and grow though, it can look a bit harsh at the line of demarcation. One way to visually soften, is by pulling your hair back, off of your face. Play around with your parts, try to figure out where your white is growing in, and how it looks best around your face. I've found that half-up hairdos and hair pulled up to one side, are nice ways to change things around.

Here is a self-admittedly, completely weird picture of myself. I have NO IDEA why I wasn't smiling, but I vaguely recall that I was just taking this photo to remind me of how I did my hair/accessory combo for the future and never intended it as a blog post. Here I used pulling my hair back, PLUS a scarf, to soften and distract. 

It's clearly evident that you can't fool people at some point, you have to accept that people will readily know and see that you're growing out your white hair. These tools just that extra ounce of security and confidence. And also, it's fun to play with hairstylist and accessories!

Another thing that you can do is learn to crochet or knit! Then, go crazy and crochet (like me), or knit, a million headbands and hats!

Guys, NEVER under-estimate the power of a hat. If you need to wear a hat for a year, so be it! If that is what it takes to get you through this process, GO YOU!

As I've learned to crochet over the past year, I've made many a wonky-looking hat, but that's part of the fun.  This is what this is all about! It's about YOU becoming comfortable with being UNIQUE YOU! You always have the option of going back to being your old self, the more "blend in with the crowd" self. That's fine! But how nice to carry in your bag of experiences and self-beliefs, that you also like theauthentic YOU too.

6.) The Big Commitment Option

I used to read the Going Gray, Looking Great website all of the time. It was SUCH a wonderful, helpful site for inspiration and information while making my transition to gray.  The Going Gray website still has TONS of information and also their book:  The Going Gray, Looking Great! Stop by, you will really feel empowered! Also, be sure to check out the G.G.L.G Facebook page HERE .  And, ontop of all that, a MUST is the G.G.L.G. chat room  -The Silver Sisters Cafe Gray . So much support all around us!  How fantastic is that!? 

One thing that I came across time and time again, was that women who were growing out their gray hair were often getting short haircuts! The idea was, if you cropped your hair, there would be less contrast of colors between your dyed color and your new color.

The thought of gray AND short hair, really scared me personally. I liked having longer hair, I worried that wearing a short cut would look bad on me, and make me feel too masculine. So, first I decided to have only my fried ends trimmed off, which ended up giving me an above-the -shoulder bob. It was ok, but still, as the white stripe grew, and the summer sun turned my previously henna coated hair more and more red, I finally gave in. I wanted as much of the contrasting red  hair color gone. I went back to the salon for a shorter cut. I couldn't believe it. 

I suggest that you arm yourself with lots of pictures of short cuts that you like. Hair styles that you can live with. One of my favorites, that I felt would also work well with my hair's texture was Audrey Tautou's pixie cut.

(Found on SeriousWhiteShirtAddict.com)

And while of course I could never come out looking like beautiful Audrey, I have to say it was half-ok. Actually, I surprised myself by LOVING having short hair for a while! It was so easy in the morning, the first time in my life that I have ever been able to wash-and-go. It was also fun and different and individual. I wish that I had taken more pictures of myself with short hair, but alas, I didn't. 

I will say though, sometimes when I am tired of all the blow-drying and curling and straightening and fussing with my long hair, I go back and pine for those fun, short-hair days! So if you do decide to cut your hair, enjoy it while it lasts and  and even if it's not your favorite, you can count it as an experiment you've tried. 

7.) Go With It....

I'm 18 months into my personal adventure of growing out my hair . 18 months since I had my hair cropped into a a pixie, at least as short as Audrey's above. This is the state of affairs now:

I look a little crazed, don't I!? This is me on four days of little sleep and a 5:30am wake-up. Jon had been out of town on a business trip, and I never sleep well when he travels. This morning, he had rolled in on a red-eye flight. I wanted to snap a hair update shot for the blog though.

This is my hair quickly dried straight. I didn't take much time to shape and de-frizz. Making it straight-ish gives you a better idea of where things are. You can see that the white part is quite disconnected from the dark brown. In reality, the contrast is a bit less, but in this photo it's pretty glaring. I could simply chop off my dark ends and be done with it, but I haven't because I really wanted some length after having short hair for such a long time. My gray extends into the dark brown (but it's difficult to see here), and when I pull my hair half-back, it actually looks fairly uniform. Phew!

I'm not a fan of these harsh layers, but they are remnants of the pixie cut. Something else to grow out....  

Maybe I'll have another cut soon, maybe I won't. The point of #7. is that sometimes you just have to go with it.   I know that this is one area of my life that I don't have much control over.  I know that peripherally I can try to make things go my way. For the most part though, this is a mini-practice in going with the flow, something that many of us can always work at. Take this whole thing as a learning experience, an adventure. I know that I am. 💖

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Ok my silver sisters! Now it's YOUR turn to go at it! If this is something that you REALLY want, if you feel READY and that it's RIGHT for you.......then by all means, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm here to back you all the way, and to cheer you on! \(^-^)/

Thank you for taking the time to read these little tips. I hope that some of them can help to make a difference for you as you go along. One of our BIGGEST and BEST tools for success, in anything that we do, is the connection that we have with each other.  So always remember that, you're not alone in this journey!

With Lots of Love,

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Lauren

EDIT: HOORAY!!!! IT'S TIP NUMBER 8!!!!!!!!

Silver Sisters, this is Lauren from the future! 😂😂😂

I'm just popping in quickly to share with you, FIVE and a half YEARS in, what my absolute favorite gray hair product has been. This one is a game-changer and it's something that you might want to start using as soon as you have a few inches of new growth in. I'm talking about the

Joico Color Endure Violet- Sulfate Free Shampoo and Conditioner DUO 33.8 Oz.

Trust me when I say: THIS SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER HELPS TO BRIGHTEN UP YOUR GRAYS AND KEEPS YOUR WHITES, WHITE. IT MAKES YOUR HAIR SPARKLE!

I have tried countless brands of "purple" shampoos and conditioners over the years, in an attempt to make my gray hair look bright, not yellowed or dull. Joico's Color Endure has worked the best for my hair by far, and, as a huge bonus, their products are SULFATE-FREE and PARABEN-FREE! I love it! The bottles are a gigantic 33.8 ounces each. It takes me about three months to work my way through them, so I'm not always having to re-buy. My hair has just really benefited from using Joico, they're my fave, and I'm only sharing because I truly believe in the good that these products can do! 😃

I know the following pictures are A BIT ODD, but they're from the past six months of using Joico Color Endure. You can see how light and bright my hair is. It really made a difference, even from the beginning. Fun stuff! 😃😅😂

To Go Gray or Not To Go Gray. Now THAT is the Question!

Hi Silver Sisters, it's Lauren from September 2018!  I have the most amazing update for you - my husband Jon and I have launched our very own hair care line!  I have learned so much on my gray journey, and our new products incorporate all of my "tips and tricks" for making silver hair look terrific.  I am leaving all prior recommendations in place because I hope that they will continue to be helpful to people, and I will continue to use and enjoy many of the products that I have written about in the past. My opinions still stand on them. 

I hope that you will take a look at our new line By The Way, Your Hair Looks Fabulous!™  - it is a complete line of hair-care and styling products made especially for Silver Sisters AND for anyone who wants their hair care to be more natural and more affordable! 

- - 

Dear friends, Romans and countrymen!  \(^-^)/ 

The time has come to discuss the quintessential gray hair question to end all quintessential gray hair questions.
But first, here is a slightly unflattering, hastily made infograhic of me pondering "the question."

(Ok, it's not quite an infographic. I know that.)

To go gray or not to go gray, THAT my friends is the question! 

You might be surprised to hear that I, the girl with the gray hair, am not a champion of gray hair for all. 

Yep. I feel kind of badly about it, but I don't necessarily think the decision to go "au natural" with one's hair is the best choice for everybody. At least not in some situations.

One of the things in life that I value the most is honesty. And if I wasn't being honest with you on this blog, then I'd feel like I was doing a disservice to my wonderful readers, whom I love very much might I add!

I honestly love writing here and cheering each other on. I DO think gray hair can be just as great as blond or brown hair. Everything that I've posted on How Bourgeois about going gray has been the truth, but I've just never talked about my opinion on making the decision, especially at a younger age, and taking the plunge to gray!

So today, for those of you on the fence, or those of you who have taken the leap and are now second-guessing things, I hope that this post can provide a bit of food-for-thought, and help you to make the right decision for YOU. Because the bottom line here is that there really is no single "right choice." 

HAIR DYE OR NOT, I SUPPORT YOU!

What follows are four basic gray hair truths that I've come to believe after several years of not coloring my hair. They're over-arching thoughts that are really helpful to keep in mind when trying to make the decision that fits your needs.

Next I present my four top reasons to not color your hair, and then my three top reasons for continuing to color your hair.  See where you stand on these points. They're meant to get you thinking and to help you navigate the right choice for you. GOOD LUCK!!!! \(^-^)/

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SHOULD YOU STOP COLORING YOUR HAIR AND GROW OUT YOUR GRAY!?

Let's start with FOUR BASIC GRAY HAIR TRUTHS:

#1.) Life isn't fair. It's not fair and it's rude. Totally. People judge other people on their looks ALL.THE.TIME. That doesn't make it right. It just makes it constantly stupid. 

If you're like me, and your main motivating fears do not revolve around your appearance, then the decision to go gray, will be a lot easier. Because IT'S ONLY A HAIR COLOR and there are 52, 000,000,000 other, way more important and meaningful things in life!

This is not to say that caring about your appearance can't or shouldn't be important. (HELLO! Have you seen how long it takes me to get ready in the morning??) It just means if appearance perfection is not one of your deal-breakers in life right now, then going gray will be much easier. (And by the way, it's only natural that your deal-breakers and most important things change, ebb and flow with life. Ask me ten years ago if I would have been ok with being gray?) This is only human. 

When I decided to stop coloring my hair, I'd come to a point where the allergic reactions from the hair dye were horrible, but also, luckily for me, I wasn't concerned about my appearance being my most perfect. Instead, a good enough, reasonably good, appearance, that was ok with me. Just doing my best. That was enough! 

Are you at a point in your life where appearance perfection is top of your list? Or, right now, is it maybe a little father down? 

#2.) Actually,  no matter what you decide, you can always go back. Even IF you choose to grow out your gray hair, if you don't like it in the end, you can always go back to coloring your hair. A STRONG word of advice though: YOU CAN NOT TELL WHAT YOU WILL TRULY LOOK LIKE WITH GRAY HAIR FROM THREE INCHES OF GROWTH. JUST GIVE YOURSELF SOME TIME. BE BRAVE, THEN DECIDE IF YOU LIKE THE NEW COLOR OR NOT.

I HATED myself with three inches of gray hair growth. I hated it at ear length. It wasn't until months later, when my gray hair hit about shoulder length, that I could really see that it had the ability to look ok. It wasn't until then that I could compare my eye color and skin color to my new hair color and feel more settled. 

#3.) NO MATTER WHETHER YOU CHOOSE TO COLOR YOUR HAIR OR WEAR IT GRAY, NOT EVERYONE WILL LOVE IT AND NOT EVERYONE WILL HATE IT! That's the thing, just like any other personal preference or opinion,  some people will like how gray hair looks on your and some won't. It's not helpful to worry a lot about pleasing others. It just gets so complicated!

For example, if I'm being honest, if I really really had to guess, I would guess that more Men than not, would say they that would prefer a woman who is blond or brunet or a red head over a woman with gray hair. BUT, that's not to say that some men don't like a silver fox or two! 

Once I was at a wedding and a man came up to me, complimented me on my gray hair and said, just like this: "THAT'S HAWT!" (Then he made a little howl.) So, some people will dislike your gray and some people will like it. You can't make the decision based on how you think people will feel. 

Another example, I'm getting a lot of traffic these days from a site called "Mumsnet."  HI MUMSNET! I LOVE YOU !!! :)

I tried to resist seeing what all the traffic was about, but I couldn't help myself! Once again, it was another thread about going gray, and just like last time, there were some lovely Moms who liked my gray hair and a couple who VERY politely commented that they preferred me as a brunet! Which, by the way, I COMPLETELY agree with them! I WISH I was still a brunet! (At least sometimes.) I am at peace with my gray hair, but sometimes a 36-year-old girl just misses her old brunet self. I get it! :)

That's the point though, we all like different things. Our hair color, no matter what it might be, can't please them all. Please keep in mind what makes YOU happy. Also, another honesty moment, the one exception,  I think it's nice to at least discuss with your significant other if gray hair on you, verses colored hair, makes a huge difference in their book. You might be surprised to find that they're quite supportive of your happiness and health, and it can never hurt anyway, to have good, open communication. 

4.) NOT ALL GRAY IS CREATED EQUAL. Ugh, I think this is the most difficult of the basic truths. This is another really not fair, luck-of-the-draw kind of truth I've come to believe. Just like some people have beautiful feet (not me), and some people don't (me), some people's gray hair suits them, and some people's gray hair doesn't.

There is no set rule on what constitutes "good" gray hair, but after years of thinking about it, I feel as though a lot of this has to do with your amount of gray hair and the "pattern" that it grows in,  and the fit of your shade of gray with your coloring. You'll know good gray when you see it, and gray hair that drags your down when you see it too.

For example, is your gray a fairly consistent color, or do you just have a few silver scragglers? Are you a bright white, or a duller shade of gray? And, how does your hair color mesh with your particular eye and skin color? For me, I actually feel lucky that I had a TON of gray! I think if I just had a spattering of gray hair on top of my naturally dark brown hair, it might end up looking unkempt on ME. No everyone, but me! Also, I have blue-gray eyes and fairly pale skin. My shades of gray blend pretty ok with everything else, so in that respect, things were alright.

Bottom line of this one is that you need to figure out if your gray looks good on you. Be honest with yourself, and definitely give this aspect some thought and consideration!

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Ok! Now that the basics are out of the way, let's talk about some reasons why you might want to stop coloring your hair, and then some reasons why you might not want to stop coloring your hair.........

I MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER GROWING OUT MY GRAY HAIR IF...............

1.) I HAVE AN ALLERGY TO HAIR DYE!

Oh man. This is not just a good reason to stop dying your hair, this is an IMPORTANT reason - for your safety!

I'll never forget the last time that I went to the salon and had my hair colored. It was a more "natural" dye, but even so, mid-processing, my eyes began to water and burn. Then the headache came on. By the time I left the appointment, my red eyes were super puffy and I kept the headache as a souvenir for TWO DAYS! And, it wasn't any surprise. Over the past few years, my reactions to hair dye became more and more severe. I learned that this is the way that allergies often work. Look at what MedlinePlus has to say:

"Although first-time exposure may only produce a mild reaction, repeated exposures may lead to more serious reactions. Once a person has had an exposure or an allergic reaction (is sensitized), even a very limited exposure to a very small amount of allergen can trigger a severe reaction."

Yep. Exactly. So, you can see that not only are allergies to hair dyes a pain in the head, they can be dangerous! By the way,  I have sensitivities to several chemicals, but the most common hair dye allergy is in response to (PPD)  or p-Phenylenediamine. This ingredient helps hair dye stick to the hair shaft. That's why it is in up to 98% of conventional hair dyes, even many of the more "natural" products. 

You CAN search out and find truly harsh-chemical-free hair coloring products. These days, many upscale salons now offer PPD-free, natural based hair dyes. I consulted quite a few salons actually, but they were honest, and with my amount of gray hair, about 80% gray, the natural dyes, in their opinions, were just not meant to cover a person with so much white hair. Also, you think your conventional dye is expensive........

You can also use henna as I did. Henna is SO COOL! But, it's also messy, and smells like wet grass, and you have to sit with the henna "mud" on your head for HOURS.  If you're like me, once in a while you'll end up with white hair turned green, or white hair turned as red as Ronald McDonald's hair after a while.

I really, honestly spent YEARS researching natural alternatives to hair dye for somebody like me, with more than a few strands of gray. There just isn't a ton that you can successfully use for a long time.

So, if you are having allergic reactions, please know that there is life after dye! There is nothing as lovely as not having a hair dye headache every three to four weeks. There are good things that come with letting your gray hair show! :)

#2.) YOU DO NOT WANT TO PUT SO MANY CHEMICALS, SO OFTEN, ON YOUR HEAD!

After the allergy, this was my biggest reason for letting my hair go natural. For some time there has been speculation that using hair dye increases a person's risk of cancer. Namely, dark hair dye, and hair dye that used a tar derivative ingredient before 1980. Do I think that hair dye causes cancer? I don't know. D o I think that using hair dye every three to four weeks can be harmful.....? Perhaps. We just don't really know. One of my favorites, the Harvard Medical School educated MD and Naturopath, Dr. Andrew Weil even says that there is not enough evidence that hair dye causes cancer, BUT he does go on to say that he discourages the use of artificial hair colorants because he finds them suspect. That many of the more than 5,000 ingredients that are currently being used in hair dyes, have been found to be carcinogenic to animals, and that our scalps have a rich blood supply. This makes them efficient at absorbing chemicals and then carrying them throughout our body.

You can read the entire piece here. 

So where does that leave us in regard to chemicals and hair dye? Well, I know that it's not helpful to panic, or for me to be an alarmist. I know that it is not completely understood which chemicals are harmful and in what doses. I also know that my INSTINCT tells me that many chemicals are probably not-so-great, and that the right choice for ME, is to cut them out where I can.

I know that I was using a lot of hair dye often, and I was putting it on my scalp, and that if I could eliminate those particular ingredients, then I'd be happy! I also knew that with most beauty products, it's not so hard to find a nice, natural alternative. In fact, can be fun!

So, if you have a personal desire to steer clear of as many chemicals as possible, or even just the monthly hair dye, then I feel like this EASILY reason enough to stop coloring your hair and to go with the gray!

#3.) YOU DON'T HAVE THE TIME OR DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO DYE YOUR HAIR. OR, YOU JUST HATE THE HASSLE OR MESS.

These reasons speak for themselves. If you really really hate dying your hair and you are READY for a change, or if you don't have the time or extra money, then sure! Stop! If the trade-off is worth it to  you.... having gray hair instead of the annoyance of a monthly dye job, then I'd say it's a worthwhile "YES!"

BIG caveat though.....later on, there will be an argument for the ONE time when you really should just color your hair, even if you hate the hassle or need to squeeze the time and money in. More on that soon!

#4.) IF YOU ARE A MASOCHIST, JUST KIDDING! IF YOU ARE READY FOR A CHANGE, SIMPLY LOOKING FOR A "NEW LOOK" OR SOME MORE AUTHENTICITY! IF YOU'RE TOTAL INTO THE GRAY THING AND READY, THEN THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO GO FOR IT!

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And now, reasons to NOT stop coloring your hair..............

I MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER CONTINUING TO COLOR MY HAIR IF...............

#1.) I'm just going to go ahead and get the most shameful, reason not to give up dye out of the way. The elephant in the room reason. Guys, I'm really sorry about the following, but I think it might be true, and I only want the best for you.

IF, you are not allergic to hair dye, and if you are not set on avoiding the chemicals in them, and even if you are sick of the time, money and mess, but you are SINGLE AND LOOKING FOR LOVE, then I think.....maybe, especially if you are a "young gray", you MIGHT want to consider continuing to dye your hair. Or even if you're not looking for love, but you meet all of the criteria and your significant other is strongly disliking the gray.

I'm sorry, that was complicated and maybe a little bit controversial, but, SADLY, if you are a young woman who would love to find love, you might have an easier time with men, if again, sadly, you are not gray. It's just a hunch. I could be TOTALLY wrong! I'm putting that out there. But, gray hair, especially at a young age, it sets you apart, and not always in a great, youthful, beautiful way. Don't get me wrong, gray can be so gorgeous! But, culturally, it doesn't signal "youthful."

This is  a difficult decision, because again, we're only talking about a dumb hair color here, but it's life. If you want to take your chance on finding a dude who loves gray hair, then I totally high-five you, you are my HERO! Because you are brave! And no doubt there are men out there who dig the gray. For sure! You just have to find them. I suppose though, the awesome part about finding someone who loves your gray, is that it means they love you for you, and that's fantastic!

Or again, I could have it all wrong. I think when men have gray hair, especially the "younger grays", that's like a super-duper cute bonus feature. I love gray hair on men! So maybe more men like gray hair on women than I dare to think.  One would hope!

*I'm making a quick edit here! This point has been worrying me since I wrote it earlier today and I would never ever want to offend anybody. For the record, I want to be perfectly clear that I'm not in any way saying that young women with gray hair do not attract men. Not at all! What I am saying is that I wonder if being more "conventional" in your looks.....(i.e. not having gray hair)....makes it easier to meet men. Does the gray scare men away? I don't know the answer! I just wonder and worry about it! This could apply to so many "conventional" and "unconventional" looks. Please know if you are a young person, (like me) with gray, never feel less beautiful. I was just coming at this angle from a societal perspective. 

#2.) You don't have a strong desire or reason to go gray.

Going gray isn't easy. People will stare at you. You'll probably have an unsightly "skunk stripe" for MONTHS. It's not something you do for fun or on a whim. I've never met anybody who was able to make it through the first few months without a super strong dedication to seeing this out. If you're not 100% into the idea, and you don't have a health/chemical/money/time reason, wait until your heart is all the way in it. 

#3.) You don't want to risk looking older.

I don't want to risk looking older, but I have allergies and I'm suspicious of chemicals. But, if I wasn't those two things, I would keep coloring my hair because I really don't want to look older! Gray hair ages most of us. It's just how it goes. I try my best to moisturize my face and wear a more youthful hairstyle, etc...but I'm sure it's going to be an uphill battle. If you're worried about aging yourself, you probably don't want to go gray. 

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Phew! So there you have it! My rambling rational on hair decision making.

Remember to not take it all TOO seriously. Life is about learning, trying new things out, finding what fits us best, what makes us happy and healthy.

I can't tell you how much meeting and talking with all of you through this blog had enriched my life. Writing about and sharing my personal journey into gray hair territory has been one of the most fulfilling things that I have ever done. I look forward to many more hair posts and many more new friends and lots of encouraging and support as we've always given to each there. It's amazing, and makes my heart SMILE! 

Until next time.....Good luck with all of your hairy decisions!

xoxoxoxooxox,

Lauren :)