A Letter to the Worried Mom

Dear Worried Mom,

Today was a big day, a monumental day! I just want to throw my hands in the air and yell it from the rooftops: "MY SON WENT TO A MINI-CAMP today!" Not only did he go to a mini-camp, but he went happily to a new place, without any kind of worry. No phone calls home to pick him up, no night-before-jitters. "Bye Mom!" he said and went right.......out.....the.door.

Six hours later, Noah walked back in from his rock climbing adventure, took a shower and then LEFT AGAIN for a friends' house. 

Why might this be such an exciting day in our home?  (I know that every summer, thousands of kids across the country attend day camps.)  The reason that I'm beside myself with excitement and joy, is because this was a first for my child. Never in his life has Noah gone to a school or class or day camp or workshop or tutor willingly for the first time and without any fear. Such a sigh of relief it is to do something that feels  just totally normal- pack a lunch and send the kid off with a smile. 

The reason that I'm sharing and writing this post (with Noah's permission), is because I'd like to say something to all the Moms out there who are struggling with an "outside of the box" kid.  The kind of child who never seems to go with the flow, never  does the things that everyone else's child is doing at the time. The kid that you love with ALL of your heart, but who exhausts you because he or she is just more intense, takes more energy and time, and logistics and desperate prayers in the night. I'm here to tell you -  BE PATIENT MAMA, THEY WILL DO IT WHEN THEY ARE READY, I PROMISE YOU.               It'll be ok.   😊🙏💖

When Noah was about a year old, we enrolled in a Mom and Tot class. I'd take him, and it was great, but he never seemed to want to do what the other babies and toddlers were doing throughout the year. He didn't want to join in circle time for songs and puppets, or leave the table where he was snacking, even when everybody else had left. He had no signs of wanting to walk at 13 months and was the very last one in his preschool class to potty train.  Each time that I worried or felt that I must be doing something wrong as a parent, to have have the loan kiddo in the bunch; my wonderful, life-long friend Andrea from the Mom and Tot days would say to me gently: "Don't worry, he'll do it when he's ready."  I would take comfort in her words as Andrea was already the mother of fantastic four-year-old twins and the sweetest toddler. I just knew she must know something about all of this.

It might have taken thirteen and a half years as a parent, but I feel as if today was the quintessential moment that all of my trust and belief in this bit of parenting wisdom was absolutely solidified. I've known it for a while, I lived and breathed and and forced myself to go forth with the deep conviction that he'd do it when he was ready. Today though, it was the perfect illustration of this great adage.

While I have Andrea to credit as my first patience guru, many many others have uttered the same words to me over the years. There's a reason that we pass this maxim down to each other, and I just want you to know that it's true!

For some of you who are newer readers, you might not know that we unexpectedly and without choice, found ourselves homeschoolers in the fall of 2015, when Noah was entering the fifth grade. It turned all of our lives upside down in a matter of days and challenged every iota of my vision and assumption of what his schooling would look like. What helped me to adapt and not fall completely apart during that time, to take a deep breath and have faith that I was meeting my child where he was at, was most certainly the book "Simplicity Parenting."  Simplicity Parenting and the educational philosophies that honored the natural difference in children's own timetables. Their compassionate teachings showed me that rushing these timetables was of little if not detrimental use. 

Had I not already searched for answers in books and seminars as to why my little guy was able to do surprising things like read at three, but couldn't handle the emotional demands of a school day like his same-age peers,  I would not have come across the philosophies of child development from Kim John Payne, Gordon Neufeld,  John Holt and "The Conscious Parent," by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. These educators, doctors and child development experts, helped me to have the amount of trust needed in Andrea's message to finally embrace where we were at, rather than let the wistful feelings and doubt get the best of me.

I appreciated the message of Simplicity Parenting so much so, that I enrolled in their Family Life Coach Training last fall. It was an excellent opportunity and I hope that someday, I will be here online or in person, helping  parents to find more family peace and simplicity.

I wanted my child's inner voice to be one that said: "I can do it!" I wanted him to view any of his differences as uniqueness instead of short-comings, his goals not yet obtained as exciting puzzles, not hurdles. It was all about acceptance, encouragement and cooperative solution finding. 

So, for example, earlier in my parenting career, when Noah would have a complete meltdown each morning before school, or not be able to go forward with a field trip or be sent home in tears from day camp, I would crumble into my grief for myself and him. Then I would do what many well-meaning people with less sensitive, more typical kids would suggest to me - I would "stay strong" and make him jump right back into that class or camp the same way the next day. I did what I thought I was supposed to do, less be labeled as a "push over," a "helicopter parent," someone that was not "in control," of their child.  So I pushed and tried to hold back my own tears when seeing his. I sent Noah to school, enrolled him in camps and classes. I  R.S.V.P.'ed "yes" to birthday parties that were difficult for him and accepted playdates that I knew would end in burnout. Instead of stopping, listening to my inner voice, following my heart and honoring the needs of what my child was so outwardly displaying to me year after year, I just kept doing what I was thought was the right thing to do.

By the time he was ten, I just couldn't do it anymore. I was burnt out, Noah's joy was waining. It was time for a paradigm shift. I LET GO. Instead of making him do what society prescribed as normal, I tried to listen. I listened to what he was feeling and why. We talked through the knowns, and the parts he didn't know just yet about himself. We partnered in attaining goals and got a team together with some of the most caring and supportive people. We tried new things together, on HIS timeline and I celebrated each little victory when he struck out on his own. He was, and I was... HAPPY.  We found our peace. 

Fast forward to today: here is a thirteen year old boy who started a new camp without a hitch. He asked to take piano lessons, guitar lesson, golf lesson and goes all on his own. He happily spends summer weekends in Northern Michigan with our family, without his parents and we have to practically drag him home from loud raucous study sessions, full of teens. In fact, he's become so suddenly independent that Noah begged and pleaded to us in June, to allow him to fly BY HIMSELF, ACROSS THE ATLANTIC to join his tutor/our beloved friend in London who would be finish up speaking at a conference for ADHD and different learners. Then, they were going to spend two weeks, visiting friends and traveling around England. I wish we had been able to get it together in time, next summer...

The little boy who found school and birthday parties and vacations to be too much, who wanted to stay home in his cozy home and routine, he's now a member of Monday Night School with other Teens at our temple, about to start a junior cadet program with The Civil Air Patrol, and holds the ultimate goal of starting history classes at our local community college when he is in 9th grade.        He says: "Mom, it's ok, you can just drop me off."        

                                                                                                                      

😀😀😀 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

So worried Mama, whether your young child is more timid or cautious or fearful than most others. If your kiddo is struggling to begin reading or cries at the sight of math or takes forever to potty train, just know, they will do it when they're ready, and that it will be ok.

Seek out the professional developmental or educational support that they need to thrive and be their best. Don't be ashamed to take their hand and work through things TOGETHER and listen to your heart. 

Be their biggest cheerleader and keep your hopes high-your positivity will nurture your child's inner voice and  help your them to grow.................more than you can ever imagine. 

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

You're doing better than you know worried Mom! Keep up the good work!

With love,

Lauren 

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Unexpectedly A Homeschool Mom

** This post contains some Amazon affiliate links. For a full explanation, please see my complete disclosure HERE!Thank you!!! :) **

I lay in bed one morning at the end of August, sensing the rays of the early morning sun as they pushed through the slats in the blinds. Another day beginning and only a handful more until the start of a new school year. For nearly a decade, early September has marked the dawn of a New Year for me. Not January 1st, that is just a symbolic date. Rather it's September, when school is back in session that some like me plan and reinvent and put into action goals, hopes and dreams for the year to come. 

Something was missing this year as I approached my latest chance at incarnation. Four years ago my purpose (outside of being a Mother, a wife and the keeper of our home), was intensive volunteer work at school. Three years ago it was remodeling a home and organizing a move, two years ago it was making our new house a home and participating in a community charity. One year ago it was attempting to work on ME,  my anxiety and learning how to sometimes say "no" so that I could be happier and less stressed. This year though, I found myself in an unfamiliar moment. Surely I would once  again, instinctively know what I needed to focus on this year.  

I have recently  longed for a PURPOSE, a true and deep purpose in my life. 

As the days of summer drew to a close, I felt a little lost inside. Thoughts of once again delving into copious amounts of volunteer crossed my mind- school always has volunteer work, or maybe the Junior League or perhaps working with Alzheimer's patients through the volunteer project that my Mother works on? I could pick up with the historic research that I started three years earlier on our  town, and finally write that local history book that's been rolling around in my head for a while.      Or, I could finally finish decorating the upstairs and deep clean the house regularly and learn how to be a better cook and really up my housewife skills. Maybe I could commit this year to expanding on my new found exercise habits, to drinking more water, eat whole foods and trying again to have a healthier body, mind and soul. And of course, I always thought about this being the year where I FINALLY found enough quiet downtime to work on the blog, sending out regular posts and generating a meager income stream. 

An abundance of options and ideas, but none felt exactly right or particularly worthy or too much of a luxury. And so I found myself, unlike in years past worrying that I wouldn't have an important purpose. 

That August morning I closed my eyes and said a prayer: "God, universe, source, I love you. Please help me to find an important purpose this year. Something beyond laundry and carpool lane. Please give me a purpose." 

(For those of you wondering, I'm not a religious person, but I am spiritual. I might even be on my way to deeply spiritual. I can't claim to know the truth about all things because I truly have no idea, but in my heart there is hope that this big, beautiful universe is all in harmony together through something bigger than myself. )

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!

For that was the morning that the wheels and cogs must have been set in motion for my new purpose. The morning that the universe answered my prayer, because little did I know that this year, I was about to suddenly, 100% unexpectedly and completely against all of my better judgement, become a homeschooling Mom.

I feel very uncomfortable speaking about what makes Noah, Noah. In fact, I haven't gone into things very much on this blog ever. Not really. Although I've wanted to reach out so incredibly much over the years to see if I could meet other mothers and families in the same boat. I've needed camaraderie and support, just like we "Silver Sisters" do, but out of fear and respect, I never wrote. Now though, now I have Noah's blessing to write here in hopes that we BOTH meet other parents and children with similar stories. At this point, I only feel like giving the "in a nutshell" version if that's ok. Part of this is going to sound cliche' and what I'm afraid of is coming across as almost "bragging" or crazy or helicopter Mom-ish. Please know this stuff has been very difficult for me, and it's even more difficult to share. 

Ok, here goes.... 

Noah has refused to go to school this year. He hasn't regularly attended since the 4th day and we had to withdraw from school last week . He had terrible anxiety (Poor Noah, you can blame this one on genetics) that turned into panic symptoms and lots and lots of embarrassment at school. Nothing that we have tried, nothing that his wonderful teachers have tried, nothing that his amazing doctors have tried has successfully gotten him back into school at this point, and please believe me when I tell you, for a LONG TIME, WE.TRIED. EVERYTHING.  

The "why" is so complex. The anxiety is a main component, but also, Noah has been dealing with inflexibility issues. Both of these contribute to some of the reason for his school refusal. But for now, I won't go more into these things because 1.) we've dealt with them for years and 2.) there is one more big part to why it's been so difficult to get him back into school...

(Even 20-step school re-entry "Nario" Noah-Mario star chats with lots of unecessary prizes did not motivate or help the situation). 

Please know that the following part is difficult for me to talk about. I'm never mentioned what I am about to on the blog. I have to because to understand my child and his quirks, I must be open. Noah is what is called "profoundly gifted." This aspect of him colors the way that he views the world and how he is willing to interact with it. It also means an abnormal amount of intensity and asynchronous intellectual/social/emotional development. I am the FARTHEST thing from a stage Mom or competitive. I feel like "gifted" can came off as both these things and achingly clinch' sounding. This "giftedness" is not a gift and not a figment of my imagination. The only reason I know that he is profoundly gifted is because of a required IQ test that was administered by a highly qualified clinician /IQ testing specialist. Noah's intelligence quotient came back uncommonly high and then was later confirmed and re-scored by a second very qualified therapist and IQ specialist. That's when we all realized that he was scoring even higher than originally believed and when we began to understand how being profoundly gifted impacts the way a person is in the world and relates to things. It explained a lot and basically boiled down to four words: Intensity, out-of-sync.

It was recommended by Noah's testing psychologist that he needed a special school to handle his needs. She and others we consulted agreed that he would not be ok at the public school down the road that we always imagined he'd go to. It was a shock and a stressor, but as parents, you do whatever you can to help your children. So shortly before his fourth birthday, Noah began at one of the most well known and highly regarded schools for the gifted in the country. We are SO LUCKY To live near by! 

This school has been our life for the past eight years. It is not only our community, but our second home, our family. They get it, they understand the quirks and the struggles and the needs. It has been a heartbreaking two months not being there.

Before I end this part of the story, let me tell you that being gifted is certainly for many NOT A GIFT. Being gifted does not mean  that you automatically excel academically. Noah certainly doesn't. It doesn't mean that you're "better" or more mature than other children of the same chronological age. It actually means that you have a very high chance of being LESS mature in some areas. It doesn't mean that things come easy, but rather everything feels more complex, more intense and more exhausting. You're a kid who struggles to sometimes be a kid. :(

There, I told all of you guys. I put it out there.  Now I promise not to talk about it anymore. I'm not comfortable with this whole topic. I just wanted you to know that Noah has a unique set of needs and it has impacted all of our lives for a long time, but we love him and wouldn't trade him for the world! :)

Which leads us to how I became a homeschooling Mom, at least for this year. Noah can't wait for next fall to go to his school's middle school, which is part of all this jumbled mess and where he would like to be. In fact, just last week the head of our school told Noah that IF he goes back to 5th grade and really REALLY demonstrates for a while that he is emotionally and academically ready for middle school, then he'll possibly move him up! But...Noah is being far too staunch and stubborn and is still refusing to return to school for even that. I can't talk about this part, it's so upsetting. If we could make him go, believe me, we would. Believe me. His teachers, his class, it's all the best, most nurturing and wonderful place in the world for him. 

Although we worked together with a great team of teachers and clinicians and tried several approaches over six weeks to help Noah return to school, during that time, I did not simply let him "play at home." I didn't want Noah to see home as more fun and appealing than school, so we did academic work each day. And although the last thing I would have ever imagined for myself was to become a homeschooler, secretly at night I worried that this would be our fate with each day of unsuccessfully getting Noah back into school.  I decided to arm myself with knowledge.

Knowledge of everything! I'd stay up late into the night. Any information that I could get on childhood anxiety (we'd been dealing with this for years, so I was already well versed), on school refusal, on panic, on different treatment models, on CBT and protocols for patient-lead anxiety hierarchies. We had meeting after meeting with school and doctors and therapists. I asked questions, I tried everything. I watched hour and a half clinical lectures with laser force, trying to glean an answer. I joined groups and newsletters and reached out to people. When our wheels continued to spin in place, that's when I quietly began my secret education into homeschooling, something I hoped I wouldn't have to use. It started with THIS SHORT TED TALK by Heidi Hass.  Oh my gosh I thought, this is Noah!!! I read The Highly Sensitive Person (FANTASTIC book by the way) and The Highly Sensitive Child and so many more. I read reviews on homeschooling curricula for days and even weeks. I called the only friend I know who has homeschooled and she gave me amazing resources who produced even more resources. I read it all. Books, websites, online programs, trying them myself. Then I went into different homeschool teaching theories and work on daily rhythms and how to keep one's sanity! It just went on and on.

(Just like this post).

Where was I.....oh yes, so it happened that now I am a homeschooling Mom. The first month I was scared, stressed and confused. The second month I was just sad, and now I find that the more I come to accept what is, the more at peace that I feel. I've reconciled that this is the new normal for now and that has brought with it fear but hopefulness and a NEW PURPOSE.

The reason for this blog post is 1.) to document this this "adventure." I can say to Noah when he's all grown up: "Remember that time that you refused to go to 5th grade and I was your teacher for a year!?" And then we'll all laugh. (maybe).

The second thing that I would like to do is start blogging again when I have some time. It's therapeutic for me. Please know that anytime I have not replied to your sweet comments or caring emails, it's not because I didn't want to, it's because I'm just in a time crunch these days. I go-go-go. I love your communications and I feel so lucky when my readers reach out, I just can't keep up sometimes with my responses. Thank you from my heart though, I read each and every one!

I'd like to record on the blog some of the interesting homeschool activities that we come across or resources that I think are worth a share. I'm also taking this time at home to cook more from scratch meals, healthier whole-foods and I'd like to share those recipes too. And, of course I'll keep my silver sisters updated on the hair. ;)

Here is just a little of what we've been up to recently. Things are starting off slowly and we're learning as we go. 

1.) The weather has been unseasonably warm here in Michigan. So I figured one of the upsides of homeschool is that you can have class anywhere. (Although Noah's actual school holds class outside sometimes and they have woods and a beautiful stream). We've sat under the pergola to read and to do some art. On this day I remember we read from Huckleberry Finn and that our "art" was learning how to needle felt with wool.

This is the "Autumn Gnome" that Noah felted.

Before I knew that were were going to homeschool for sure, I purchased a Brain Quest Workbook: Grade 5  (on the table two pictures above). I bought it in hopes of trying to supplement at home until he was back into school. I have to say, it's been very help in getting Noah to review work. There's 300 pages and many many subject sections including reading, writing, language arts, spelling and vocabulary, social studies and all kinds of science. There is an extensive math section including pre-algebra. Noah liked the fun, colorful pages and we still use it to supplement some topics.

We use the math curriculum that Noah's school uses - Singapore Math. I found this Singapore Math Grade 5 set  with all of the 5th grade textbooks and workbooks at a great price on Amazon. I'll talk about more curriculum books that we've found soon. Oh! And by the way, I'm fascinated with THE LIFE OF FRED math books by Stand Schmidt, a retired college professor. They are amazing and such an interesting way to teach math concepts through story and humor. They've gotten nice reviews and I'm so tempted...

There is such a vast amount of free, open-source educational material online and paid online curricula  as well. I can talk about those in another post, but one free resource that Noah has loved is Khan Academy. It is fantastic. We've been using their anatomy and computer programing courses. They're well done, taught by professionals and free. It's just great.

We've been spending time at the library.  Noah rides his bike there and I walk. I'm using the library as a way to teach him some life skills and independence, like being responsible for his own card, book returns and renewals. I think it makes him feel more grown up.

One of the best resources for myself has been reading homeschooling blogs and listening to homeschooling podcasts. Specifically about learning how to structure (or un-structure) your day, how to get all of your housework done as well, how to plan your schoolwork and most of all, how to stay sane! I'm enjoying the Simple Homeschool blog and Soulemama and  all sorts of free podcasts on iTunes regarding homeschool. What I think has helped me the most though, so far, is Waldorf Essential's   Mom Lesson on Rhythm. I purchased this 89 page pdf book that Jon printed off for me. It also comes with 12 hours of MP3's.This book was written by the owner of Waldorf Essentials, Melisa,who has five children that she has homeschooled for about 14 years. Melisa shares the importance of establishing a healthy rhythm to your day so that your children know what to expect, and you know how to accomplish your school and home goals. Even before this year I was all about rhythm and routine. I thrive on it and so does Noah. We're very similar in that way and this book is helping me to establish a nice flow.

One of the points that Melisa makes is that trying to crowd too much into a day or week can create and overwhelmed feeling, and particularly spending lots of time away from home on field trips and outings. I tend to agree, so we haven't been out very much. One day we did go to drop-in play at our local Robot Garage. It's the neatest place ever. Every kind of Lego and building set you could imagine, all there to create with and to take your new creation home! Noah was playing with the Lego Mindstorm robots. You can design, build and program your own!

 

Another week we met Noah's "Lady and Zayde," my Mother and Father-in-law at Greenfield Village! Personally, I could live everyday here, soaking up the history. Noah, not so much. We had a WONDERFUL lunch at the Eagle Tavern, a real stagecoach stop from the 1830's! It was transported to Greenfield Village from Clinton Michigan. When I saw the interior decorated for fall and the fireplace going, I was like: "Squuuuuueeeeeeee!!!!!" :)

We've been getting together with school friends at least once a week and I've joined a local homeschool group that hosts weekly learning adventures. It's mostly boys Noah's age and we're looking forward to joining them sometime soon. 

What else... I'm trying to use any kind of media or tool possible to get Noah interested in learning! Although he was supposed to have his times tables memorized years ago, Noah seems to hate the rote work of memorizing them and has some holes. We've been playing this Multiplication War Card Game and battling it out! Also, Noah gets a kick out of Mathplayground's online Grand Prix Multiplication Game and Penguin Jump Game. Sometimes I hop on my computer while his is on his and we meet for a private game of Grand Prix or Penguin Jump and have a multiplication competition. It cracks him up every time. 

Finally though, this was the biggest hit! I re-made a LIVE VERSION of the Penguin Jump game on our driveway. It was so cool! You had to jump from iceberg to iceberg but ONLY onto the iceberg with the correct answer to your multiplication problem!

* Update! I feel sooooo reassured! Since I began writing this post I re-tested Noah's multiplication facts this morning and now he's got them all down pat! It makes me feel better to finally know that he's been learning at home. Phew!

So that's what's been going on. Josie and I are trying to hang in there. Actually, it's ok. Apart from being sad for Noah and sad in general and missing our school and my old freedom, things will be alright. I feel it. I know they will. I'm trying to look on the bright side of things.

More time at home means more meals for more people. It's the chance I have been waiting for to overhaul the way that I've been eat during the day. I used to just graze and have whatever was lying around. Usually nothing with enough protein, being a vegetarian, and often that meant too many carbs, not enough vitamins and minerals. Since I'm home, I would like to cook Noah and I healthy lunches and snacks! That's my mission. Whole foods. Here is a look at the meal plan that I made for myself for this week. (Can you read my hastily written, sloppy handwriting)!? Noah is still a picky eater, but we can share the snacks. I make him his own lunches and dinner with meat. Jon is happy to have the vegetarian dinners with me, and we always ask Noah to at least try one "No Thank you Bite" of the dinners that I cook.

And today, Noah and I cooked together. It was so much fun and I had him to all of the math to double the recipe. It was great hands-on learning!

Oh! And because I am home, I can drink more water because I can pee, because I am home, and not at some random, scary, public restroom! See, there are pluses to home school! 

One minus is that Jon and I have been SO busy and Noah has been very reluctant to stay with a sitter or with my parents for the past few month. We haven't really had any time alone.  One evening a few weeks ago, Noah did agree to eat dinner at my parent's house, so Jon and I ran out for these great, fresh tacos at this fantastic place called "Imperial." It was really nice and the big garage doors in the front were open. It was the perfect weather. 

I wish we had more time together time, but work is busy for Jon, which is a good thing! So, I can't complain. 

When I'm not homeschooling or trying to keep up with housework, I've developed an new hobby.....er....destructive addiction....to online shopping. Actually, I'm over it now. It was very short lived, just during the first few weeks when I was stressed and freaking out and acclimating to cabin fever. I thought I'd never be able to leave the house again and that I'd be tied to the kitchen table with mountains of workbooks day and night, so I began online shopping. Shopping for random things I only sort of needed.... Like this personalized planner that I made from Personal-planner.com to fill the chaotic hole in my heart. My plan was to organize and control every minute of my life until things felt normal again. That didn't work, but I was left with a really cool, personalized planner!!!

Hector, you know, he's still Hector. It's all the same-old, same-old with him. Lounging. Although, I think Hec likes the new fall decor in our living room! I started a post about it for you the first week of September and then my life went Kaboom! And I never finished it. I will though.

Willow is still Willow. I need to get a nice picture of her, and of course, Josie is still snuggly Josie. She loves to be held and to take naps. I can't believe how calm she is. She's not even one and a half. I love this girl. :)

And that is the scoop from the little yellow school house!

Until next time, love your kids and just do the best that you can.

xoxoxo,

Lauren :)

My Gosh! I've Just Written A Choose Your Own Adventure Post!

Dear How Bourgeois friends, 

I'm REALLY sorry.  This post, it's kind of one, long tangent. I'm so sorry. (But that's why you love me, right!? RIGHT!? *crickets* )  What happens is my chosen topic starts out as one post, with ONE THOUGHT.  But whenever I sit down to write, I run out of time, and then I come back another day to work on it again,  but with ANOTHER pressing thought! Until one day, it's a patchwork of all things tangent.

That's a writing "style" riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?

Here's what I suggest to you........read what's interesting and skip the rest! 

Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? You follow the most interesting path and read on!!!!

In today's post we have:

1.) Living off the grid/communes/tiny houses/minimalism vs. materialism

2.) Blogging/time management/parenting/guilt/icy milk in train cups/ realizations

3.) The rather annoying skin condition known as malasma/ sunscreen/ fungal product         RECALL/FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!/ real-time drama blogging.

4.) My favorite hair brush and what it has done for me/ a round brush hair drying tutorial

5.) Cats/humans peeing/unconventional bathroom decor

6.)My Dad/he's single

1.)

************************************************************

My internet has been intermittently down and it's making me CRA-ZY! I find it completely sad to realize how reliant I am on screens and wi-fi for my sanity. That's BAD! I feel like I'd be a happier person overall, if I was less plugged in.

Ahhhhhh.....all I need is a little piece of land and my  beloved copy of Reader's Digest's "Back to Basics." 

And indoor plumbing. I need that too. But, electricity, I could get by without it. Of course, I want Jon and Noah to be there too, but I'm not sure that they'd appreciate our new "lifestyle." I'd miss all of you and the blog, but that's what coffee shops are for...better coffee than you can make at home and wi-fi. 

I've watched THIS video several times about a French group of artisan carpenters known as "copeauXcabana."  They build the most beautiful, organic looking structures for clients, but also, the group has transformed a piece of land into their own commune of teeny tiny fairy tale houses and common spaces. It's great! 

I hear the statement: "it's enough" said quite often about minimalism. This phrase resonates with me so strongly. I do believe that only having a little bit IS enough, but in our modern day, it's almost impossible to have just enough. 

I spent some time walking at Greenfield Village yesterday. I love that, especially in the smallest and oldest homes, every, little procession is so appreciated and cared for and used. Certainly for most of the generations before us, people lived happily with just "enough."

The house that we live in is small and old. (Although, somebody put an addition on in the 1980's and made it bigger. I'd guess the original structure is just about 1,000 sq. feet.) I can't help but think about the people who lived here, most likely with just enough possessions to get by on a small, quiet piece of land. And how now, it's so strange that our little house is surrounded by a lively town with one of the most materialistic and consumption-driven shopping districts around. 

Things change .

2.)

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For various reasons, I haven't been able to find enough big chunks of time to sit down and compose a proper post. The "Year of You" posts for example, take me days to plan, write and edit, whereas the random update posts are quicker, so I apologize. I figure that a day to day post is better than no post at all! :)

(Edit, this simple day to day post, has now taken me three days to complete. I have come to realize that my personal "creative process" is one that moves at a snail's pace. I should just "trust the process", right?) 

Before I get into the meat of this post, (which isn't very meaty) I want to mention one thing about being a blogger and also being a parent. I found a conversation that I had a few days ago quite interesting, and thought that perhaps some of my readers could relate. I actually came to a shocking realization!

As some of you might know, this year I halted most of my volunteer responsibilities simply because I  wanted to give a shot at blogging more, and developing this website. For the past five years, I've really immersed myself in different volunteer activities at Noah's school, and I started to think that this was why I was having a difficult time finding quality chunks of time to write during the day.

Well, I've now come to the conclusion that I was WRONG. It wasn't the volunteering that kept me from finding lots of extra time to write. It was my MAIN JOB as a merry "hausfrau" and a Mother that has kept me from finding lots of extra time to write. I know that sometimes I talk about this too much, so I won't go on and on, but I'm happily a housewife and a Mom, and those two jobs seem to take up a lot of the hours in the day.  I wish I could get posts out more often, but this time is so special and so short in the grand scheme of things, I really want to be present and enjoy it while I can.

The conversation that I mentioned above, was with my friend, whom I'll call "A-M."  A-M, like me, has one son. He's grown now, but also like me, she was a stay-at-home-mother. Anyway, we got to talking about how quickly kids grow up, and how the time flies by in the blink of an eye. I feel like it's important to be mindful of what a special and finite portion of existence this is. (In fact, I just ordered the book "The Conscious Parent" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. I can't wait!)

What struck me though, is that with each age and stage as Noah has grown, I've thought to myself: "Oh he's so old now. He's so big."  Even when he turned two years old I felt he was old, not a baby anymore. When he was five, I remember thinking he was growing up into a "kid." Six, seven, eight felt old! And now he's nine, and when that happened, I was as though his childhood  had almost passed by, and that I surely would have more free writing time now. 

And that's why I've been internally beating myself up since September, wondering why, since I have a  "big kid" now, can't I find enough time to get this blog going? I feel so guilt-ridden about that!

Then A-M and I talked, and NOW I GET IT!  

No matter how grown up I see Noah to be, he's not. I'm still needed. Nine is not the new fifteen. 

Shortly after A-M and I got off the phone, Noah began to cry because he missed my parent's lake cottage. He had just gone up with them for two days, it's his favorite place on the whole earth. There Noah runs free along the beach collecting shells and artifacts, washing rocks, playing with cousins and chasing dogs. My parents give him steak for dinner every time he asks, (which is every time) allow him to stay up late and drink soda pop. Why would he want to come home? They even watch Wheel of Fortune together!

After ending my conversation with "A-M", Noah waited for my eyes to catch his, and then he started crying. Crying because he missed the cottage and felt sad to not be there anymore. He cried and cried, truly inconsolable and un-distractable for an hour and a half. (The totally ironic part is he's going back up to the lake in FIVE DAYS!) And when he finally stopped crying, he sat with an unappealing drink that we invented when he was a toddler called "ice milk", which is milk with an ice cube in it, always in his favorite, but now rarely used, train cup. That did the trick. 

This is when I had my shocking realization! That I'm still needed just as much as I was when Noah was seven or eight! That I don't need to be racing to fill my time with the pressure to write on top of caring for him and home. That I won't always have these moments. SOMEDAY, things will change, why rush it? 

Just this morning after school drop off, I spent two hours grocery shopping and washing and chopping fruits and veggies to go into our dinner. And you know what? I LOVE MY JOB!!!!! There's always stuff to do, there's a little boy who still needs my attention and time. (Not to mention a dusty, old house who does too!) He's not as big and grown up as I had imagined, and for now, I see that and it's ok.  :)

3.)

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Do any of you also have malasma? Malasma is darkened patches of skin that appear on the face, predominately in women, and usually on the forehead, cheeks, chin and above the upper lip.  Malasma is triggered by sun exposure, and the patches often fad in the winter. It's like having little, tiny tans. Although the exact cause is still not known, researchers believe that the it is the naturally circulating hormone, estrogen that sensitizes specific melanin producing cells in the face, to over-produce melanin when exposed to sun. Although I can't remember having malasma during pregnancy, when it is very common, it might have conditioned some of my skin cells to react to sun. In any case, I do have some faint brown patches on my face that have really come out after being in the sun last weekend and they're making me feel so stressed! :(

(For the record, I wore sunscreen, a hat and sunglasses, but the sun still made my malasma and freckles appear.)

I don't want my splotches to become darker or spread anymore, so I've decided to become extra extra good with sun protection. I usually put on sunscreen when I'm going to be outside, and I wear an SPF rated sun hat, but now I'm going to wear sunscreen every single day. At least on my face! 

What kind of sunscreen do you like? I feel like every year I'm on the hunt for a new, affordable, mineral sunscreen. One that doesn't contain parabens and nano-particals, vitamin A and the like. The Enviromental Working Group and their Skin Deep Database have been a life saver to me over the years.  The EWG gives it to you it straight, about different kinds of environmental health research being performed and provides the AMAZING Skin Deep Database that list and educates people on the different chemicals in all of our everyday health, body and beauty products. Look up almost any item you might have and see it's hazards rating and why. 

It's not all doom and gloom though, I promise! There are many many products on the Skin Deep Database that are both wonderful and good for you too! And, the EWG puts together regular, very helpful articles that teach you how to find people friendly products. They even list their favorites! Here is MY favorite yearly list, Skin Deep's Sunscreen Recommendations!

Like many people that I know,  Badger's line of mineral sunscreens have always been the gold standard of safe and readily available. The only thing is, they cost an arm and a leg, and when you have a family with a lot of arms and legs to cover, it's not always easy to continually buy. I tend to look for sales and deals on Badger when I'm at Whole Foods or online. My absolute favorite Badger Sunscreen is their " Daily Lotion." For some reason though, on Badger's site, it says that it is now not available until 2015!? What!??????

......... O.M.G.  Now I get it, there's been a RECALL on my favorite sunscreen due to some batches being contaminated with three different kinds of microbes!!! ACK!!! Like only my worst nightmare!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Hold on. I'll be right back........................................................................................

(Do you know how quickly I ran home from the coffee shop to see if my bottle's batch number was part of the recall list!?)

Ok, Everything is ok. It turns out that my sunscreen, although the same line of lotion, is that of the non-recalled regular formulation as compared the the recalled "kids & baby" formulation. THAT SAID.....guess what?

Just last week I was applying my Badger sunscreen when I said to Jon: "What the heck is that strange smell? MY SUNSCREEN SMELLS LIKE OLD MUSHROOMS!"  Seriously, it was a very odd scent. I figured that my sunscreen had just gotten old, (which it very well might have) although the expiration date was still good. I would bet anything that my lotion also had a fungus....or two. Maybe?

ALL OF THIS SAID! I still love Badger and I believe in their products and I know that they are a good and honest company, and I will and do still continue to buy and use their products. In fact, just this morning, before learning about the recall, I purchased online one of their SPF 35 Zinc Oxide Face Sticks.

These little face sticks are so great for when you're running around. I like them because they're lighter than carrying a tube of sunscreen in your purse and think that the sticks come in handy when you find yourself out in some un-planned, mid-day sunlight for any length of time. Like a restaurant with an outdoor patio, or an impromptu trip to a playground, or standing around school after pick-up.

I also really like California Baby's Fragrance Free Sunblock Stick. That one is very nice and blends into your skin so well. I've been using it on my face this week. It's from last year and is sadly about to hit the  expiration date. :(

Other sunscreens that we have used and liked:

Alba Botanica's Very Emollient Sunscreen Mineral Protection for Kids.

And Nature's Gate's Mineral based sunscreens like this one:

And please don't shy away from Badger products. This Badger Baby Sunscreen is probably the nicest sunblock we've ever owned. It almost luxurious! 

All of this said, remember though, we all need SOME sun to help our bodies produce enough vitamin D! That would be about fifteen minutes of being sunscreen-free in the morning hours or a couple of hours wearing a SPF 30 in the sun. THIS article explains a bit more.  Don't be fearful, just be smart!

(Tigers hat for extra sun protection = smart! GO TIGERS!)

4.)

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Hey, there's something that I'd like to talk about very quickly. It's round brushes. I just wanted you to know that I used to have a nylon bristle round brush before and it pulled out my hair every time. Then, I decided to give this boar's bristle brush a try. It makes me feel sad to be using boar's, (aka pig's hair) but from what I've read the bristles come from animals that have already been used for meat. Oh my gosh, typing this now is actually making me queasy. I'm a vegetarian and now I feel really sad for the animals. I feel though, that the brushes are making use of part of the animal that otherwise might not be used.

Even my inexpensive boar's bristle brush has recently made a HUGE difference in my hair drying routine. It's almost magic how soft and manageable this brush makes my hair. There are many more expensive, better quality boar bristle brushes out there, but so far, this one by Conair has be great! 

First I dry my damp hair most of the way with my hair dryer and by just using my fingers to "comb" my hair. Then I use my round brush to straighten everything out. It leaves my hair much smoother and shiner than before too. I love it! 

There are many many tutorials on You Tube, explaining how to use a round brush. Here is one that I like:

5.)

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This past weekend I watched my Mom's cat Bob. He is such a sweet guy. While I was there, I had to pee, (Hey, I'm just being honest) so I used her bathroom. This has to be one of my favorite powder rooms on the PLANET! My Mom collects women's portraits. Paintings. Then she hangs them in this small room.  It's unconventional and a little unsettling to have a bunch of ladies in painting watching you pee, but it's also awesome.

I figured out that if you photograph yourself in the mirror, it makes for a cool effect.

6.)

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This is really all I've got for you right now, other than this picture of my Dad drinking coffee, which I happen to like. He's single ladies! 

*wink, wink!*

And that's the scoop! Until next time, when I hopefully write a post with true substance! Love you guys!

xoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Lauren :)