*PROLOGUE - As I write this prologue, it is now early June of 2021. Life has gotten so much better since beginning this post last fall. (Don't worry, this entry isn't all doom and gloom at all, it just starts off that way. )
After all was said and done, we ended up stay in our home, pretty literally, for almost 14 months to the day. 426 days. As I go on to mention below, for 14 months we avoided stores, restaurants, get togethers with friends and family. It was really really difficult. Detroit was hit very hard with three waves of the Coronavirus and since we were lucky enough to have Jon working from home, and Noah doing virtual school, we took that safety bubble of ours very seriously. Like so many of you, I know lots of people who have contracted the virus over the past 18 months and sadly almost as many who have had parents and Grandparents pass from this awful disease. So, we take it very seriously!
During the fall of 2020, when I wrote the following post, I was feeling so low. Pandemic fatigue and loneliness had set in and the social and political climate in America had really really gotten me down. Our country was on fire. It's the best way that I can put it. Everyday was like watching a distressing movie. That's how it felt for me.
I've decided to go ahead an publish this half-finished post because I want to park it on the blog to remember this time. This hasn't been a good year and a half, but it's been a life-changing year and a half, so it's important to document. Thanks for following along.
(The morning we received our 2nd. vaccines.)
I'm sitting in the bathtub while I type this. Which, I just realized, is probably not recommended. So because I am a rule follower, I will now close my laptop and brb...
I'm back. I was sitting in the bathtub typing this, and now I'm post-bath, flat on my back, typing from bed.
In an attempt to lower my anxiety and rid myself of a stress headache , I had decide to take one of those epsom salt, magnesium baths. Do you know the kind? I also have a scented soy wax melt thingy going. It's called "Honey Soaked Apples," in honor I suppose of Rosh Hashanah. Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year that is soon upon us, and for some strange reason I am hyper focusing on for the first time in my entire life.
(Spent days drawing the Rosh Hashanah greeting card.)
I would have to guess that this is because anything to focus on rather than my anxiety is a good thing. Also, just to note, Noah and Jonathan both said that my new wax melt smells like pineapple, not apples and honey, and it has ruined my fall mood.
It's so funny, because before the past week or two, I was actually doing well throughout this pandemic. Like, truly well, even in terms of anxiety. I held myself together, stayed upbeat, positive, driven, focused and in control! There were grand, exciting plans for food storage and farming, and household essentials stockpiled in the basement. I made online accounts for produce delivery, weekly grocery delivery, costco delivery, medication delivery, school supplies and books and even a chest freezer for our garage. There was lots of disinfectants and online therapy and you name it, I had it figured out . I even found how to accurately measure Noah's ever-growing feet with some online, printable measuring device and ordered him snow boots. BAM!
I was king of this pandemic. So much so that it was I, scaredy cat Lauren who was reassuring and holding it together for OTHER people. "I've got this and you've got this!" I said.
But then, I don't know, something changed. Maybe it was just fatigue as we approach this week- the 6th full month of staying home. We're more "careful" than 99% of my friends. For six months, we haven't been to a single store, grocery store, restaurant , carryout, friend visit, trip, adventure....just nothing. We can't even take walks around our busy area , unless it's at night, but even the four times we did that, each one involved groups of teens whizzing by us or endless other people walking their dog in the cover of night too.
Maybe though, my sudden anxiety is probably also up because our country has just spiraled into a totally divisive, conflict riddled hell. It's absolutely depressing to me, the state of our society, parts of our culture, parts of our past and parts of our now. I know with 100% of my heart, that I don't belong here. I'm not an American at heart. So maybe that's it- I feel trapped in a place that stresses me out and upsets me on a daily basis. As a friend put it, it's like being on a ship captained by a madman. Beyond that though, I'm sitting here trapped in a stress bubble because there is a pandemic outside of my window and it's out-of-control in our particular country compared to most of the rest of the world. It's because nobody cared in the first place to just stick around home and get our numbers to a manageable level during the first wave. We are a hopeless society on a whole.