Wednesday, January 29, 2020

Fake It Till You Make It A Level 2 Snow Emergency

Oh you guys, I can be so so naive. I can be wide-eyed and gullible when someone hands me a Farmer's Almanac long-range winter forecast.

You know how it goes, also sprinkle in a couple of winter outlooks from Youtube meteorological hobbyists.....

... And I turn into a full-blown BELIEVER!!! 

I'm the 42-year-old lady in Michigan who's doing backflips because we're about to get a "good ole' fashioned Michigan winter!"  The kind with big, white, fluffy blankets of snow covering everything. Kids building snowmen and snow forts and having snowball fight and snow days off from school. Snow, snow, snow! Racing down hills on bright red sleds and drinking hot cocoa with marshmallows. Watching tiny, strange tractor things with a rotating brush attachments driving down the sidewalk and clearing the snow. 

Wearing puffy Moon Boots and seeing our  Freezy Freakies mittens reveal hidden color changing messages in the cold. 

(Oh wait, that was the 80's. We don't have winters like this anymore).

Guys, I was spreading the word to anyone who would listen: "The winter is coming! The Winter is coming!" I acted all macho and self-assured because I was part of the club,  I KNEW that this would be a repeat of the epic winter of 2014. Ever hear of the "Polar Vortex" baby? 

In whispers and shouts, and looking cool actions, I let all people know that this was going to be a TRUE. MICHIGAN. WINTER.

First stop - yes, it was only September,  but I was in possession of a very limited rare exclusive Lands' End 50% off coupon and since I was, you know....... in-the-know about our  coming winter's sizable power, I went out and purchased protection. A long puffer coat. So long that on me,  this puppy goes all the way down to my ankles!

Give me your best shot you arctic upper-level, low pressure area.  I'm ready for you!

So yeah, things started out very promising. On November 12th, which is three days earlier than the November 15th that my Dad always said Michigan gets it's first snow, we had this!

I mean, November and we already had 6" inches of snow? Now THAT is a sign, I thought. It's all coming true. This is just the kind of winter that I ordered. I was even so emboldened to tell my little niece and nephew in Florida, who were desperately hoping for snow when they visited for Christmas, that OF COURSE THERE WOULD BE SNOW THEN! This is a repeat of winter 2014 after all, and we would build snowmen together and sled and spend all day outside.

I am the worst aunt in the world. Not only did I get my niece and nephew's hopes up for their first time in real, proper snow, but it was so pitifully dry-as-a-bone, NO SNOW, everything MELTED over here at Christmas, that it was actually warm. It was WARM! Those poor kids had to visit the zamboni's ice shaving pile outside of the indoor ice rink, just to pretend snow when they were here. How sad!

By Christmas, my foot was in my mouth. I stayed quiet, not proselytizing my beliefs in the coming of winter. By January 1st I had lost all hope. We're staring February down in T-minus 2 days and I've almost lost my will to winter. We've only had one other rapidly melting moment of real snow, and today, there's nary a white spot on the ground. Mostly sloshy, gray blobs. No twinkle or sparkle or cozy, snowy days. 

Now, on the positive side, yesterday my therapist told me that I am a very resilient person, and I would like to hope that this is true. Resiliency comes in many forms, and for me, that includes superstitious, fantasy thinking and rituals! Or AKA, snowman knickknacks. 

Look, desperate times call for desperate measures, and if that means Non-Mother-and Ethan-Allen- Approved, plastic snowman tchotchkes in primary colors, strewn about one's house in order to will winter upon the land, and keep from looking like a fool then so be it! 

(For transparency's sake- old, reheated coffee from this morning and of course I ate more than two cookies. The entire box is sitting here next to me as I type. Nothing is real online.)

I put snowmen everywhere. I live like it is a jolly, snowy winter. I will manifest winter into existence. It is either that, or be laughed at for my snowy prophecies from early fall.

Yesterday marked the 22nd anniversary of the Great Blizzard of '78. It brings me a small glimmer of hope that large amounts of snow can and do fall this late into the winter. All we need is a 33-incher or so, and then I can rejoice in my original winter proclamation. 

By the way, last night when we took Noah to get some frozen yogurt, the three of us were privy to some insider information from a professional in snow removal. Those companies pay big bucks for 
highly sophisticated weather forecasting services and our informant claims that we're looking at two potential snow events in the coming week. Up to 13" in total, but I shall believe it when I see it, for I am jaded now.

I guess you could say, I've learned it does not pay to be a big talker about the weather.


Julie A. said...

I had to pop in to tell you that I was happy to see a new post. I still check in . I love your writing ;-)
I read your knitting posts. I don't knit. I read your home school posts. I don't home school my kids. I read your gray hair posts. Ok I DO have gray hair. But I don't really care about it :-)
I just like to read what you write. About your cats. and your dog. And your love of winter. I live in AA and I hear you---WHERE is the snow???? and such teasers....weekend snow when we do get it. predictions of bad morning weather and you wake up to see the grass still sticking are we supposed to get a snow day out of this? haha!
any who....write what you want when you want it!
and we'll read it.

Lauren said...

Awwwww..... Julie! That is the NICEST comment! Thank you! You are so so kind to keep checking in and to read ALL of my rambling post. Oh my gosh, this just super sweet of you. :)

And you're almost my "neighbor" too! Ok, when I read what you said about expecting snow overnight and then waking up to find grass poking through...yes, that says it PERFECTLY!!! Where is the proper snow? Lol. Maybe next year?
If we had a fairly snowless winter, I do hope mother nature at least spares us on the high humidity this coming summer. Can it just be pleasantly warm but not sweltering? I'd take that! :)

Thank you again so so so so so much! \(^-^)/

Julie A. said...

I should also mentioned that we used to live in RO and Berkley years ago so sometimes your posts are like little peeks into a familiar territory. :-)

Lauren said...

Oh my gosh, we were practically for real neighbors back then! :)

Glad it's a little glimpse to that time. Oh my gosh though, what I wouldn't give to love in A2. It's one of my favorite places! You never know, we might move your way someday if we can work it out. Thanks again for seriously being such a cheerleader to myself and this blog. :)