Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Fall Is for Lovers, And Hypochondriacs

Hell yeah! Welcome fall!

Ok, ALMOST fall. Not quite, but Soon! I know that I might be a month early, but I'm revving up and getting ready to  to celebrate  ONLY THE GREATEST SEASON IN THE WORLD EVER!

You might remember from this old post,  that I feel fall is the best!  I don't think that my love for the season has waned one bit - to the contrary! This year, I'm even more of a lunatic for anything pumpkin scented.  I'm out of my gourd for gourds!

And what bad can come of THAT!?  Except for mayyyyybe the super-secret pumpkin patch that I'm hiding behind the bushes in front of the house. The pumpkin patch that Jon doesn't know about, that miiiiight be taking down our front porch.  But hey! Who cares when you have PUMPKINS!!!!!!!! Hundreds of tiny JACK-O-LANTERNS babies, waiting to be birthed into a world that is known as "Autumn". 

The reason that I am bringing all of this fall stuff up now is because tomorrow is August first! 
Makes sense, right? No, really, it makes complete sense. Tomorrow marks one month to get everything ready for fall.  In MY world, autumn is precisely September - October - November.   What silly, ancient day loon decided that seasons should begin on random days, like the 21st and the 22nd? We don't need to kowtow to the solstices and the equinoxes you know! They're not big babies who will cry... ......whaaa....whaaa....whaa.... if we don't make the start of a season on THEIR special day. And because I am gifted, I myself can start celebrating fall on September first, and then ALSO the Autumnal Equinox on the 22nd. It's NOT that hard people!

So remember:  Fall - September, October, November. Winter is - December, January, February. Spring - March, April, May, and Summer is - June, July and August. 

Let's make this nice and tidy from now on, ok!  Let's organize these seasons girl!  Let's clear out that corner in the kitchen that's always covered in old mail.  Let's re-arrange the spice drawer in alphabetical order! Let's count how many spoons you have. Let's deep clean the vacuum. Let's find the middle letter in "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"! Let's clear our throats and then touch the doorknob three times while licking the cat.

Well, not that last one, but let's start fall SEPTEMBER 1st! 

There is so much to do, such little time to do it.  Last year, autumn zoomed up on me, and I was ill prepared. This year though, I'm starting early. There are decorations to plan and buy and make. Like leave garlands and cornstalks! There's poorly fitting, slightly scratchy crocheted garments to complete for the whole family. I need recipes for apple sauce and apple pies and pumpkin pies and pumpkin apple pies! I need fall color outings planned and Halloween costumes brainstormed. Oh my gosh, and I need Halloween candy, lots of Halloween candy. And cider and donuts and back to school clothes for Noah, and shoes and pencils. There's precious plaid and corduroy outfits to find, and above all, I need to shop for pumpkin scented candles!


Maybe what I really need is some time off. This is a lot of pressure!  No. I shall forge ahead, because Fall is the ultimate season!

The plan is to make a fall bucket list for this year. I hate that term. To make a fall fun list for this year. It will include all of the fall activities that I would love to do, but am usually just too lazy to actually do. SO, this time around, I will have a reminder list to get out there!  Like having Jon haul us way out into the countryside to pick apples in some idyllic orchard. Or not to buy our pumpkins from the local over-priced supermarket, but to go out to a pumpkin patch! (Unless of course......MY secret pumpkin patch is fruitful! Hahahaha). Pun intended!

I would like to post this fall fun list at a later date, but in the meantime, I will now share this tangent with you on hypochondria, aka, health anxiety, aka, hypochondriasis, and if your IQ is as elevated as mine, also known as  being a "valetudinarian". 

My therapist says that I'm not really a hypochondriac, at least not in the classical sense, because I don't think that I have horrible illnesses, I just worry that I might have or might come down with them.
 I also don't run to doctors for reassurance and tests very often. The 2004 panic-stricken dash to a cardiologist for an echocardiogram for almost no reason at all put a stop to that. Until the panic-stricken dash to a cardiologist for an echocardiogram for almost no reason at all of  2011 happened. See, no problem here! But seriously, I actually rarely run in, if ever. Except for  last winter's food tonsil incident.  But hardly ever.

I've just learned to roll with the punches. I'm trying to be optimistic! Hope for the best!
For example, just the other day, when I felt something ever so slightly puffy near the roof of my mouth, I went to look in the mirror and saw a small, white area. I decided to promptly flip out and became acutely aware that I could be suffering from.............. leukoplakia!

I am happy to report that I have reasonably convinced myself that everything is ok.
Being that I am not a smoker, drinker, chewer of tobacco, nor a 65 year-old man, it's probably nothing. AND the fact that I vaguely remember burning my mouth on a matzo ball over the weekend.

But then this.....happened today.  I called Jon at work and I said: "Jon" (I actually said the following for real, ok).  I said: "Jon, my tongue was just walking around my mouth and I felt a tiny bump on the inside of my lower lip."

Did you know that tongues "walk around your mouths?" I didn't either,  not until today at least. 
In retrospect, I have a feeling, that what I felt was just a normal, little salivary duct that has always been there, but now I think I must have made matters worse, by poking at it with my tongue all day. 

Point is, looking on the bright side! 

It's just salivary gland. It's just a salivary gland.  Fall leaves, fall leaves! Pumpkins! Pumpkins! Acorns, aaaaaaaaaaacorns!!!!!!!!!

By the way, it's "A-corns" , NOT "EGG- corns".