Thursday, April 28, 2011

The List


The list. THE LiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiST! The LIST! The. List.

Ehem.

1.)Replace or clear and sleeve ancient sewer pipe. Try to avoid the need to tear up street. Ugh.
2.) Replace roof!
3.) Repair old-fashiony cedar plank siding.
4.) Encapsulate old fashiony cedar siding because it has lead paint! Then....
5.) Scrape old-fashiony cedar siding.
6.) Paint old-fashiony cedar siding a nice color.
7.) Wait! Decide on a nice color for old-fashiony cedar siding.
8.) Hold on! Choose a new roof color to go with nice paint color, for old-fashiony cedar siding. That you must scrape, but not before you encapsulate. But.... not until you fix the old.....fashiony....cedar siding.
9.) Find somebody who actually knows how to fix old-fashiony cedar siding.
10.) Submit nice paint color for old-fashiony cedar siding to the city historic board. PRAY it goes through.
11.) Foundation repair work anyone!? FOUNDATION REPAIR WORK.
12.) Apply shutters with quaint little "S" hooks, to freshly painted with a nice color, old-fashiony cedar siding.
13.) Beg contractor to install flower boxes while unsuspecting husband is at work.
14.) Rip out old, dilapidated wrought iron fence and replace with a white picket fence while unsuspecting husband is at work.
15.) Install a new front door. This time, one that has a lock that actually works.
16.) Find a "historically appropriate" mailbox and porch lights. I'm thinking that means I have to go pick the mail up at Olsen's General Store and maybe stand outside with a candle stick all night.
17.) Oh! Re-landscape the DIRT patch that is half of your front yard and the side of your house!
18.) But of course, not before you re-grade said side yard dirt patch, so that water stops flowing down towards your house.
19.) Buy a garage door opener. Where the hell did they put that thing!?
20.) Again pray. Cross fingers and hope that somebody....SOMEBODY can fix 145 year old wooden sash windows.

21.) WIndow Muntins!
MUNTINS!
22.) Damn, turn that alarm system back on.
23.) Strip wall paper. The paper of the walls. Ugh.
24.) Paint the entire interior. Maaaaaaybe think about changing he ceilings from their current avocado green to white. Hmm. That's a hard one, isn't it.
25.) Blinds! Curtains! Window coverings! Might help. I'm just sayin'.
26.) Wait, I'm getting tired. Are you sure you want me to go on? I could be here all night.
27.) Hardwood floors! They're wood, it's a floor. I don't know how to install them!
28.) Crown molding please!
29.) While you're a it.....why don't you repair the GAPING HOLE in the ceiling.
30.) Electrical work. Now my little electrician boy-toy gets to come back and visit me!
31.) Magically transform our 1981 family room fireplace from ick to chick! I don't know what that means, but just get ride of the cheesy tiles and please make me a proper mantle! Then we'll be all chick.
32.) Built-in bookshelves.
33.) PLEASE rip out the mini-bar in the family room. Thanks.
34.) Oh god, it keeps going.
35.) Ok, but rip OUT the built-ins in Noah's room and the living room.
36.) Move the washer and dryer to the basement.
37.) Fix the stairs! Omg. Those stairs.
38.) Oh Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Yeah, um....put in a new kitchen.
39.) And while you're here, how about a new lower bath.
40.) And the one upstairs, it could use some work too.
41.) Fix the sliding glass doors.
42.) Bring the deck up to code.
43.) re-seal the pool. Ha! The pool. The koi pond? The pool?
44.) Get somebody out to figure out how to get that kool (see above) working.
45. Fix the pergola, before it falls down!

Phew! I can't go on anymore. And, believe me...there's more!
Ok, here's one...... GO THROUGH, ORGANIZE, PACK, CLEAN AND MOVE CURRENT HOUSE.

Omg. I don't know if I can handle all of this.

I'm going to bed.

1 comment :

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