Monday, June 28, 2010

Part 2. I'd Never Join a Club that Would Have Me as a Member



It's been over a month since my last post. One long, exhausting, disorganized month. When I was a kid, summers were so good, now they're just chaos. Ok, maybe not chaos, but definitely not regular and routine the way I like it.

Last month I was trying to convince you people that I am an introvert. Which, I am. In fact, I'm a classic introvert:
Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.

So, I'm just going through a thing. One of those little, introspective phases where I'm feeling burnt out and have the strong need to be alone. It's doesn't mean "Let's panic!". It doesn't mean I'm depressed, it's not even a problem. It just means that life has been oh so busy and involved and that my current day to day has been requiring all of the energy and attention that I have to give. The well has run dry. I am out of stock. But don't worry, I have me on back order!

Last school year was a super mega social busy ten months, and then starting in the spring, we had men in our house, six days a week working on the place for four months. ALL. DAY. I was never ever alone. Then summer hit and again, I'm not getting time to slow down and quietly recharge. Oooooooover Committed.

The reason I'm writing this is because I mentioned in the last post that Part 2. was coming, but more so, I wanted my friends to know something........

........because my gosh golly, I sure do LOVE YOU GUYS, and just wanted you to know that it's not you, it's me. Friendship is one of the very, most priceless and valuable things in my life, and I have an amazing group of gals. Each and every one of them. Really, really! Sometimes I stop and wonder how in world I can know so many caring, intelligent , fabulous friends. Thanks you guys. I'm totally fine, I appreciate all of you so very much. I'm just an exhausted introvert Mom who needs to recharge for a while.

Wait, no, I'm like a man from Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I need to "go into my cave" a little. Lol. I am a man!
I have these awesome friends who include me and invite us to lots of interesting things each week. I have this young kid that needs my full attention sun up to sun down, and a house that needs daily cleaning and tending to, and errands that need running for all of us, and food that needs cooking. And the laundry is always calling me and volunteer work at school and chauffeuring to swim lessons and birthday parties and play dates. And my house phone rings, and my cell phone rings (constantly), and the texts ding and my email pings, and then the other email account pings, and then my Facebook account ding-a-lings, and before you know it, my head pops off .

This is why I'm feeling a tad burnt out. Soooooo...... as the house is pretty much done, and when the summer ends, for my own personal sanity, I need to make some changes. I've decided not to volunteer more then my current commitments, which include being the vice president to new families in the Lower School, and facilitating a gifted parenting group.
I'm also going to stop feeling guilty for not staying to chat on the playground after school. OH THE GUILT. The kiddos get to see each other five days a week, all day long. If I don't have the internal energy for small talk, and if I want to get home by 4:00 to *slowly start dinner and pay attention to Noah before homework and bed, THAT'S OK!
Sometimes I get asked to just stay and chat, and often lots of concern to know if I'm ok when I'm not around. That's so nice, but it also makes it difficult to do what I feel I need to do. It's difficult to verbalize that I'm totally ok, that I've been on the go all day and ready to go home and unwind and cook dinner or get Noah lunch made for the next day, or the clothes ironed for the morning. It really is never anything personal. It honestly isn't, but I worry that I offend people if I say "no" too often. I think about this a lot.

I'm also going to make time to exercise and to work. Work on what, who knows, but I've started to buy materials to make my barrettes again. I used to make and sell accessories, and have been toying with the Etsy idea. I also enjoy writing and have wanted to take a painting class for years now, or maybe I will start taking one of the two Psych. prerequisite that I need to start that Master's degree someday.

I just need to carve out a little very quiet, very predictable, very peaceful space for myself. At least for a while. I need to recharge.

*I had a who slew of tests and was finally diagnosed with moderate-severe ADHD. Which is REAL people. I hate when someone says that ADD is a made up disorder. If you only knew how difficult doing everyday tasks were sometimes, like getting through a shopping list or reading a chapter in a book, or writing a blog post! Becoming a wife and a mother and a homeowner and a volunteer and all this jazz is like having a hundred ping pong balls thrown at your head. I'm more of a one-thing-at-a-time kind of gal. It was easier when it was just me. Maybe this is part of why I'm so overwhelmed.

Please join The Anxious, Introverted, ADD, Gifted Ladies Club
Lols.

3 comments :

Twins-Plus-1 said...

Lauren,

Thanks for posting such an honest, from-the-heart post. As one of your friends who cares a lot about you, just know I support you in every way and I am so proud of you for finally carving out "you time." You know you best and what works for you. Love you girlfriend!! xoxo

Twins-Plus-1 said...

Lauren, thank you for posting such an honest, from-the-heart post. As one of your friends that cares so much about you, I just wanted to say I am so proud of you for carving out some time that is just for you.
Love you girlfriend x0x0

Kendra Lynn said...

I liked this post. :) And I LOVE you! Glad you are taking time to recharge. totally necessary at times.
Hugs to you, and I'll join your club if you let me. :)

Kendra