Friday

It's Friday! Friday. FRIDAY!!!!! I'm so glad. Sometimes I wonder if it's just a given that five days worth of weekdays wear people out. I wonder if there's anyone out there who doesn't feel tired by the time Friday comes around. Retired people? Do they feel exhausted by Friday? I guess I don't know!

The thing is, if you didn't feel a bit run-over by a busy week, you wouldn't appreciate the weekend so much, right? 

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My good news is, is that Awesome the opossum came back, and then the GOOD good news is that he brought a raccoon with him! (I seriously don't understand why I am the only one who's excited about this). The raccoon followed the opossum, who followed the feral cat, who came for the flock of birds, who were eating at my bird feeder. I can't even imagine what will come next. PLEASE PLEEEEEEASSSSSE a monkey come next! If I saw a monkey on my deck, THEN my life would be complete. That's all I want. That, and a sloth. I have a feeling the chances are low though. I feel like the groundhog will be next, but can they do the stairs?

For those of you new to my ever growing animal menagerie, it all started when a feral cat began coming around. It was right around the time the temperatures began to drop and snow covered everything. How could I not leave a little bowl of food out for the poor guy? It used to be on the patio, but with a foot of snow covering the ground, I moved the cat's bowl up to our deck so I wouldn't have to walk down the slippery stairs to feed him.  Things were pretty status quo for a while until Awesome showed up. That was pretty entertaining. And then, the other night Noah said: "Dad! Why is there a raccoon eating the cat food!?" And Jon, not wanting to turn away from the CARTOON they were watching said: "Ohhhhh, it's just the opossum." Well, no, it was a raccoon. A really big, smart one. I almost could not believe my luck!

This is probably a good time to reiterate that under no circumstances am I going to go near these animals. I just stare at them through the glass and they stare back at me! (Willow the cat is enjoying this too). They only come out at night, and I don't plan on feeding the feral cat so heavily into the warmer months. I think. I have to research this.... But, due to Jon's.........lack of enthusiasm for our latest "friends," I only put out food during the day yesterday in hopes that the cat would come eat, get his nutrients in, and leave an empty bowl. As per usual, the cat just didn't come by during the day, and I did not have the heart (or truthfully desire) to bring the food in. So, I left it. Thankfully, eventually the cat came to eat! But that was after the opossum had a snack. No sign of the raccoon last night though, but if I had to guess, I'm sure he stopped in for a fishy nugget or two. 

I'm trying not to be naive, but I can't exactly see why it's such a bad thing to have these guys stop by? I'd say as long as they're not trying to damage the house or get into anything. As long as they're not standing around our door during the day when we come outside to use the yard, what's the negative? Do you know how many new things I've seen up close now, that I've never been privy to before!? Like an opossums long tongue or a raccoons tiny, but almost human-like hands! It's really cool stuff! One ironic note is that the poor feral cat is petrified of us and darts if we even walk into the kitchen, whereas the raccoon and the opossum look at me like their dumb, boring sister walked in. It's very interesting.

Here is the beginning of my animal selfies collection. They're the most unflattering pictures ever, but I don't care. I'm documenting HISTORY!

Now I just need to figure out how to get a selfie with the cat, the groundhog, the birds, the hawk, the chipmunks, the rabbits, the fox squirrels, the brown squirrels, the black squirrels, the elusive gray squirrels, the mice and the voles. Our backyard is one big animal par-tay. 

But what did Jon expect? When we bought the place, and some old wooden boards from the sub-flooring came up, a bounty of pine cones and acorns were found. When somebody cut out a section of drywall from the garage, pinecones and walnuts and nesting material POURED out. It was hilarious. AND it was ok in the end. You just have to chill. (edit:"No you don't." -Jon).

Ok, moving on from rodent infestation to food! EEEeeewwwwww that sounds gross.

Do you know those photos of beautiful coffee that I sometimes post? Well, they're from my favorite coffee shop -slash - "office".... Commonwealth!  (HI NICK!!!!!!!)

Commonwealth has become my second home. I've found that I face much less distraction when I perch myself up on one of their stools along the counter, instead of when I write at home. At home there's always the house phone and cell phone or laundry, but at Commonwealth, you have to look cool! And cool people don't sit in front of a laptops and fake type. You have to real type and get things done!

In addition to providing a beautifully designed, inspiring space (think reclaimed barnwood floors adding warmth to a pretty much minimalist-industrial look), Commonwealth has also taught me how to enjoy coffee for it's own sake, sans sugar. Their in-house roasted beans are so delicious, that even I, the girl who used to take coffee with her sugar and milk, can now pound a cappuccino straight. The coffee is just that good.

I usually come in for an hour and a half or so before school pick-up to get some writing in. That usually puts me post-lunch, but their food is on my faves list too. It's made in-house (which, by the way used to be a Scottish bakery during my childhood, where I would ride my bike to and buy imported Crunchie and Flake bars!). Commonwealth's head chef strives to use as many locally sourced and organic ingredients as possible. Everything tastes so fresh! My favorites include their Fried Egg Sandwich and Mediterranean Salad: the salty, marinated feta is addictive! I also think that their Mediterranean Quiche was scrumptious.  Actually, today I happen to eat lunch, the Mediterranean salad, you know what? It's my favorite salad! 

I'm doing an experiment today to see if I feel better eating a real lunch, rather than picking at leftovers or what have you from the fridge. I think I feel better already having ingested the salad.

So, most times, when I receive a little work of latte' art, or a nice plate of fresh munch, I like to snap a photo. I've recently realized that I have amassed quite a few of theses pictures and I felt like making a small collage. Here it is:

Let's be sad but inspired right now.... WHAT A SEGWAY! (I know, I need some practice.)

I wanted to share with you a short video, a Ted Talk from an incredible, inspiring human being named Sam Burns. Sam suffered from a rare genetic disorder called "progeria." Very sadly, Sam passed away last week, and his Ted Talk and other pieces of media, including a documentary began to circulate heavily around the web. I try to keep this site upbeat and happy, but Sam's impressive talk "My Philosophy for a Happy Life" was so incredibly moving and inspirational. Sam was wise way beyond his seventeen years. Much wiser than most of us. His positivity and insight helped to make the world a better place and I felt the need to share his words (I have to warn you, a box of kleenex is needed. I smiled and cried my whole way through talk).

Sam's lecture reminds me that attitude really is everything - how we choose to react to the world around us. Sam's message also reminds me of another young visionary who passed far too young from disease, Miles Levin. I don't scan the media for sad stories to latch onto, quite the opposite. It seems though that special things rise to the top, and Mile's words appeared everywhere in 2007. He was fighting another rare ailment, a childhood cancer. Miles began writing about his journey, the battle, his life and....most memorable to me, flowing with that life. "Keep fighting, stop struggling" Miles said. I know that time has probably distorted my memory of Mile's exact words, but one of his beautiful messages (and there were many) was that it's a relief when you stop struggling against life and instead you flow with it. Just yesterday when listening to a podcast, and I WISH I could remember which one, I caught a woman speaking about the same concept. I was cooking dinner and half-listening, but I knew what she as getting at. You're in the river and you can either sit in it as the current pushes on you and rocks you to and fro, or you can flow with the river. You might struggle with the uncertainty of where the river is going, but flowing and adapting is so much less abrasive and exhausting.

Uncertainty is such a scary thing. At least, I think so. In my world, I want everything to be black or white, no gray area! One book that I own and recommend on the subject of non-permanence and uncertainty is "Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teaching on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion" by Pema Chodron. 

This book is an easy read, broken into 108 short teachings from Tibetan Buddhism. You certainly do not have to be a practicing Buddhist to take comfort from this book, and the teachings apply to all of us uniquely. I'm still learning to be comfortable with uncertainty, but that's what makes me a human being on earth, right? My ego! My possessions! My attachments! We can only strive to become more of a master of flow. :)

Ok, now let's not be so serious......

A lot of people dress in black around here, or at least grays and neutrals. Sometimes I feel like I must look like an unsophisticated box of crayons. Maybe I wear too many colors, too many prints all at once. Maybe I would be taken more seriously if I wore black. All black. Maybe I wouldn't seem so awkward and naive if I wore black "LEATHERS!"  I hate that word - LEATHERS!  
(Let's pause for a moment and think about the following saying: "I am going to go put on my leathers.")

But, maybe I need a black motorcycle jacket and some black, high-heeled boots. Oh! And a purse that doesn't have birds all over it. Maybe I should have a black leather purse...... Mah leathers!

I wish I could go out somewhere this weekend. I wish I had someone to snowboard with. My life is like Groundhog Day the movie, isn't it? Every day is pretty much the same. When it gets warmer and the sun stays out longer, I'm going to take advantage of living in town. I vow to be outside, walking around more. I could become a "fixture" at a local bar, kind of like on Cheers. But, since I rarely drink, I don't know what I'd really do. Oh yeah, and I also have a family, so... 

Why am I so restless? I've never felt like this before. Am I having a mid-life crisis? Aren't I too young for that? Plus I'm a girl.  Maybe it's because I see all of these people in their  30's out, doing interesting things (I hear the drunk ones walk past my house every Friday/Saturday at 2:00am as the bars let out. But maybe they're the ones in their 20's). Maybe it's because I wish I was more plugged in to all of the change that's going on in downtown Detroit. I think I miss art and culture too. I think I miss sometimes leaving the house past 5:00pm... (That is a big one).

This weekend we might go to a giant model train exhibit with a free showing of the new Thomas the Tank Engine movie. Which, is all fine and well, but once in a while, I really just wish I was at The Majestic or Cranbrook or something.....

Anyway, yeah. I need to pack things in now. I have to get to school pick-up and then we're hosting a little playdate. I'll serve the kids chicken and peas and noodles for dinner. 

I wonder what alternate-universe Lauren would be doing right now? I'd have to stop writing because I was seeing my next client in a few minutes (I'm a therapist). Then, I'd be hosting a dinner party at my favorite art gallery down the street. I'll serve Yotam Ottolenghi's eggplant with buttermilk sauce, lemon thyme and pomegranate seeds to Yotam Ottolenghi, then fig and goat cheese tarts and for dessert, Brioche Perdu paired with lavender honey ice cream.  That's what alternate universe  Lauren's Friday night would look like.

I wonder if that's really better than putting your flannel nightgown on at 7:30 and eating a cinnamon roll? Naaaaaaaahh.  

I Promise This Isn't Just A Sad Post About Cats

When I opened the blinds in the front windows of our bedroom today, I suddenly realized that I can do this from now on. Because of an intense south-facing sunlight in the summer, I've always closed at least one window, depending on where Priya was laying. Her two favorite spots were under window #1, next to the yarn basket, on top of my crochet projects, and under window #2, in a little fleecy cat bed. So when the sun would flood in, especially on 80 and 90 degree days, it could become very hot, very quickly up there. I worried about Priya, and I'd close the blinds. 

Now I can just go ahead and leave them both open. No worrying. This is a change.

It's only been a day, so of course I can't expect to feel much different. I don't want to be over- dramatic though, so I was surprised that the tears continue to suddenly come up whenever I think of her or somebody mentions Priya. I look over, always expecting her to just be there and she's not and my heart hurts.

Hector and Willow our other cats are grieving too. Especially Hector, who has lived with Priya for the past five years. Even though he knew something was going on, (he sat with Priya this weekend as she was dying) at first he was confused. We let the cats say goodbye, but at that point, they didn't quite seem to get it. Now with Priya gone and her kitty bed not here, Hector I think is begining  to understand. He's been coming upstairs to sniff the places she used to lay, and then he lays there too. He's been sitting at the top of the basement stairs. I think he's waiting for Priya to come back up. It's where she used to go sometimes.

I'm trying to reassure Hector and Willow, and to give them extra love. I was happy to see this today though:

They never used to lay near each other! I'm glad that they're somehow finding support together through this.  Here are two recent pictures that I just like. Hector lounging in bed, and willow using her daily "I'm starving and depressed, FEED ME!!!!!!"  look.  (And just so you know, this girl is NOT starving. They have a full dry food bowl, kitty cookies, and then wet food in the morning and at night.)

I've decided that sadness does not serve me nor her. Grieving is normal, but I intend not to wallow in sadness, I need to go forward with gratitude. I think though, there are two reasons that this is hitting me so hard, (beyond the obvious fact  that we loved her so much).

For one, Priya was always by my side. I'm a homebody, I'm always at home and I love it. So, we've been together most days, for a long long time. This is going to sound hermit-ish and weird, but I actually spent a ton of time in my bedroom with her. Unless I was downstairs cleaning or cooking, I was upstairs. Our bedroom is like a little loft, it's bright and sunny up there, airy too when you open the wall of windows off the back. It's just a pleasant place to be, while our downstairs is a lot darker and not as upbeat in my opinion.  I don't watch much TV, so I was never spending time in the family room. And while we have a big kitchen table to blog or write emails at, it's hard as a rock and I usual instead sat on our comfy bed with my big lap desk to get work done. Also, our laundry is upstairs, so I'd sort and fold and iron up there. Make phone calls, walk on the treadmill, do my make-up and hair . The point being, she was usually just a few feet away.

(It's so nice to find pictures on your phone that you have forgotten about. Selfies with Priya.)

Also, because Priya passed away at home, in our room, I'm struggling with remembering that. I'm so glad that she could be home and together with us, but every time I walk past the spot that she died, I can't help but see her passing. It's so so hard. It's so hard.

This might be a girl thing, but in a way, she felt like one of my children. There was a maternal feeling there, and it makes it that much harder. If I just knew, if I just had one sign that she was ok and safe and happy, 95% of my sadness would be gone. If I could know that she was somewhere and she was feeling all better, it would mean everything.

Jon and I talked about life and the universe and the way of things on Saturday. I feel like for all of the beauty and wonder and amazing opportunities for gratitude and awe in life, it also comes with a cruelty or at the very least a cruel mysteriousness, An upsetting unknowing. I came across this quote on Saturday after our talk. It struck me as meaningful, maybe even the answer.

" as you get older, your self will diminish and you will grow in love.  YOU will gradually be replaced by LOVE. " - George Saunders from the 2013 convocation speech at Syracuse University

It could be about love. Life I mean. That happiness is measured in the number of cats and people and animals and things that you love and give love to. And in the end, we become just that - a bright, shining love that joins the universe. But it still doesn't tell me if Priya is ok. :(

 I am going to do my best, but wow, this has thrown me for a real loop. I decided to push myself and do something healthy, so I got back on the treadmill today. Mid-walk, I looked to the left, just like I did every time, to give Priya a smile and a "Hi Priya!" while she watched me from under the window. For a second I reflexively smiled and pictured her laying there. Then it hit me that she would never be there anymore and the tears welled up in my eyes again. :(

I have to stop the crying thing though. I hadn't blogged about all of this before, but the past two and a half weeks have been very hard. My eyes are so puffy and swollen from lack of sleep and terrible coughing and then crying, and they hurt! I think I mentioned this part before, but about two weeks ago, poor Noah came down with the world's worst summer virus. It was terrible. I'm SO happy to report that he is just fine now, all better,  but the little guy was miserable, and we all spent a week's worth of sleepless nights. Just as he became better, my run-down self became sick with the same virus. It was the worst I can remember in such a long time. It was bad. I coughed forever, absolutely could not sleep, I coughed so hard that I broke a tiny blood vessel in one of my eyes. Ugh. THANKFULLY, (knock on wood) I have finally started to turn the corner and last night was the first night that I've been able to sleep through the night in two and a half weeks. And then Priya started dying, and I've been crying  and feeling low-energy and blah blah blah all a mixed ball of little sleep and feeling sick and feeling sad and rundown and like a puddle on the floor.

Today I knew I just had to take it easy. Yesterday was an errands and appointment day. Today I just have to rest. But what to do? I'm one of those people who HATES RESTING! I like being productive. do you too? I know that rest is not just important, but essential, but can you rest productively!?

I came up with something nice that I could do while laying in bed today, that would be creative and therefore therapeutic, and would also help cats.
Do you remember the felt "Season Gnomes" that I made?

It's the strangest thing, Willow is obsessed, OBSESSED with these things. I mean crazed. I don't know what it is, other than maaaaaybe they still smell like sheep? But that doesn't make sense, I'm sure that the wool has been washed and dried and even dyed. For whatever reason, as soon as Willow found these guys, she would do anything to capture them, including climbing up furniture! It isn't like this with any other toys, and we have a bunch. And it doesn't matter if it's a wool felted gnome or a wool felted pumpkin or the wool felted ball that I've since made. She's just wool crazy!

(Now they sadly look like this...)

Some gnome parts have gone-a-missing!

Last fall, shortly after Willow came to live with us, just as the lights would go out at night, we would hear SCREAMING!  Willow would be howling and letting out warbling MEEEOOOOWWWWWS! It was really scary at first! We'd run to her side, "Willow! Willow! What wrong!?"  At first I thought she was sad or scared or homesick, but it wasn't that. And as it went on every single night, I was wracking my brain to figure it out. Then I started to realize a pattern...... every day I'd find my felt gnomes on the floor in the living room, and everyday, I'd set them back up on top of my desk in the office. And then, they'd end up in the living room. So one night, when sure enough, Willow began to howl, I switched on the lights! And there she was, surrounded by the gnomes, soaking wet and smelling like fish. EEEeeeeeeeewwwwwwww.

So she was taking the gnomes. And at first, I thought, oh my gosh, maybe she's carrying them around because she thinks that they're her kittens! (Stop laughing.) So I started calling them her "babies", which I know is odd, but....you know.

One day, I heard some howling, followed by heavy breathing and snuffling. Willow came up the stairs with the purple summertime gnome in her mouth and dropped it right at the foot of our bed. And THAT'S when I finally understood! These weren't her "babies", these were her PREY! Omg.
Hey, better to be felt than real, right!? We started praising Willow when she would "catch" or bring us the gnomes and she would immediately stop crying! It was perfect. She just wanted a little love and praise.

Yesterday, Noah heard Willow crying and ran in to find her with two gnomes at her paws and sitting on a felt pumpkin. Lol.
So, since they are loved, I thought it was time to try to fix the ones we have and make some new ones too. So that's something that I've decided is worthwhile, productive rest activity.

(Ok, not my best effort by far, but today I made Willow a felted cat. Now it won't be so weird when I say: "Did you find a baby?")

Here is one non-cat thing that I would like to touch on - people with handicap parking tags, who AREN'T  DISABLED!!!! In the past week, I have seen two people in stores and happened to be walking out at the same time as they did, as they got into cars in handicap spaces. I could see that their cars had handicapped hanging cards too. These people did not indicate that they had any disability at all. They were both young, walking around and pushing carts at a normal speed. They appeared perfectly capable.

Am I being insensitive or missing something? Are there disabilities that are intermittent? Maybe I just caught them on good days? I don't want to judge if I am missing an important understanding. These two women though, they seemed more than just fine, they seemed active, so my gut instinct said something was up. I  have to wonder, for people that do falsely use handicap stickers. WHY? Is it merely to get a parking space just a tiny bit closer?  Don't they feel badly that they're taking spaces away from people who truly need them? I can't understand when humans lack bits of a conscience and lack empathy for others. I wonder where and how thoughtfulness, conscience, empathy and sensitivity are taught. I am far from perfect, but I at least try to be mindful of doing my best in these areas. 

(Here is a meme that's been going around. It made me laugh. I totally get it cat. I TOTALLY get it.....)

Here are several recent pins from my "Good Design" board on Pinterest.  It's just a collection of ideas, gadgets and design that I like! I'll post more sometime.

And here are a few from my "Pretty to Look At" board on Pinterest. This is a collection of photos that I find pleasing to look at. Enjoy!

xo,
Lauren

My Girl

She came into our lives one day in 2002. A teeny tiny cat, 7lbs at her mightiest, with a curled little tail like a piglet. She had already been through a lot in her short seven or so years of life . Starting off on the streets of Detroit, ending up at the Humane Society, in a cage with a bigger cat who was pouncing on her, and  luckily saved by our good friend Naheed. After that she moved around a bit, and because of a cat allergy, finally came to live with us. 

That made Priya tough. She was the smartest cat I've ever met. You could tell she was listening, and even more so, understood. She was scrappy. Strong and fearless. For a long time, she would bite as a reflex if we suddenly moved a leg in the night. But I understood. Where she came from, you needed to be on guard. With time Priya relaxed , became gentle. So gentle. She befriend our rather large guinea pig, Dr. Joel Flieschman. She'd let me carry her around the house, and we watch out the windows. Near the end Priya would jump up on the bed anytime I'd lay down. She come and shimmy up next to me, and lay her head on my arm. I wish I would have been more conscious of those moments.

Priya had great adventure too. She was an escape artist. First to the second floor balcony of Jon's apartment, over and INTO the neighbor's apartment to meet her elderly cat! She moved to and from San Francisco. Riding in a tiny coupe for FIVE DAYS both times. A two-door car with two humans, luggage,  a guinea pig, a kitty litter box and a cat! She saw Omaha, Cheyenne, Salt Lake and Reno. When we arrived in San Francisco after five long days, we opened the door to our new apartment and Priya promptly RAN UP THE FIREPLACE.  I was so scared. Thankfully Jon was able to coax her out, and she looked just like a chimney sweep. She road the Muni train with me to Golden Gate Park, and walked in the grass. She was my constant companion. 

The night I had Noah, before going to the hospital, Priya laid right next to me, gently pawing at my giant stomach. She was saying: "Ok, this kid is coming out!"  And, of course, she was exactly right. She was understanding and incredibly gracious to share me after he came. A wonderful big sister. 

She also weathered the addition of her fluffy fur- brother , and then finally her drama queen of a fun-sister. Accepting and caring towards both. 

 Priya started losing weight two years ago. We found out it was her thyroid. Priya went on medication that we gave her, especially Jon, twice a day. She hated all of those pills. It was hard. We tried all kinds of tricks to make the pills easier, hiding them in hot dogs, crushing them into ice cream, gel caps, powder form in fishy smelling wet food.....she always seemed to know. I'm glad that for the last few months, we were told it was ok to stop the big pills. She was happy. And, we were given a new medication in cream form to replace two other pills. That was good. Our vets at the Cat Practice were incredibly, incredibly compassionate and caring towards her. They listened to what she was telling them and help where they could and comforted in the other places.

This weekend, I just knew. I could see it in her eyes, that Priya was ready to move on. She had stopped eating and drinking, no matter what we tried. And we've tried it all, even pate'. 

Our vet has a special program, "kitty hospice" at home, and they thought Priya would be a good candidate for it. I asked very directly and twice, "would Priya be in pain?", and she assured me "no", which I pray was true. They sent us home with a pain patch on Priya and some IV fluids for the next day. We were told that they patch was very very effective and would not cloud her mental state, but would take the pain away.

I can't go further. It's just too painful and sad, but I'm so glad that Priya slipped away at home, in our room, a placed that she loved, with her brother and sister cat nearby and Jon and I with her. I told Priya to look for the rainbow, and I told her the colors. I said your Mom cat and Dad cat might be there, and hopefully Dr. Flieschman too.

We loved her SO much. We still do. Thank you Priya, for being part of this family. You will always be right there in my heart with me. Everyday.