Friday, July 20, 2007

Toasty Can Be Such a Bitch When She Wants To

This morning while taking Noah to school, I noticed in my rear view mirror a most tailgating woman. She was nearly riding my bumper, I don't know what her problem was. It was not cool. Maybe she was late for work or having a baby, maybe she hates German cars or the Aum symbol (Go team vedics!) plastered to my back window. Whatever it was, the chick was being rude. (Ok, maybe if she was having a baby it would be ok, but this is highly unlikely.)
Look, we were on a road that clearly states it is a 30 mile-per-hour street with houses, a school and churches lining it. The police are notorious for sitting on the side of this road looking for speeders, indeed a very well known speed trap! In addition to the fact that I didn't want a ticket, I was actually still going 5 over due to her pushing and clearly had a kid in the backseat.
So Toasty tailgates me for five minutes as we make our way down the long road. Everyone was stopped behind a big truck pulling an even bigger trailer as he attempted a left turn. Toast didn't stop behind me like a normal human, she actually stopped on me like, pretty much on my bumper.
Finally, moving again, she suddenly lurched forward and passed me, speeding off at break neck speeds, but not first without giving me a very dirty look. I prayed to the universe as hard as I could for a cop to pop out, lights and sirens on, pulling her ass over. It didn't happen, but I did meet up with her two minutes later at the red light. Yes, Toasty, you sure got to that red light faster than me! Aren't you smart! Said Toasty had a license plate that basically spelled out the word "Toasty", but in another way as I don't think I should give her real plate here. The SUV driving, road rage Toasty seemed like a real bitch, but then I noticed something.....
Toasty had this Harley Davidson trailer hitch on the back of her ToastyMobile and I thought, Hmmm....maybe I shouldn't be too hard on her, I mean by buying that trailer hitch, she was helping to put me through college. (My stepfather manufactured them.)
So indeed little Toasty, perhaps instead of being angry, I should thank you for buying a really dumb trailer hitch. SLOW DOWN!


Magdalena said...

Hhahahaha! Trailer hitch! I would have gotten out of the car and clawed at Toasty's grill. Sorry, but when I am in the car, fine. When it's me and the babies,you are dealing with something else entirely.

Laura said...

Oh, I can't count the times that the same thing has happened to me with my girls in the car. What it is with woman and SUVs? They think that they own the road and the rest of us are merely an inconvenience. These woman get so close that I can clearly make out the exact color of their lipstick and eye shadow. Scary!