Tuesday, August 08, 2006


Today "Heather" an office clerk or nurse or something from my doctor's office called. She had the results of my glucose test and said on her message to me that I should call. I knew this was bad.

So I called back shaking. Mind you I am SO angry that my doctor, who knows me very well and knows I am working through sever MEDICAL anxiety problems, has her office clerk call me instead of herself everytime! For God's sakes! Last time it was the office clerk with no knowledge of what the results meant, you'd think my doctor could spare a moment to call the second time around with not great news, especially after making me wait a week for the results! What is with people? I'm human, a real patient with understandable concerns.

Anyway, my fasting level was 91. Still in normal range, actually a bit lower than the last test. My fasting level was taken at the lab last week by taking my blood and also on their diabetes monitor with a finger prick. The glucose monitor in the lab said my fasting level was only 78. I asked Heather about this huge descrepency of 78 verses 91 at the same moment in time and she didn't even understand what I meant. I swear, it was like talking to a rock when I desperately wanted answers. Next she said my two readings after drinking the sugar drink were borderline. HELLO Heather,Borderline WHAT!? Prediabetes or diabetic!!!? (by the way...when diagnosing diabetes there are three stages which are standards: Normal, pre-diabetic and diabetic). I had to ask her borderline pre or actual diabetic? She said diabetic! I almost burst out crying. HOW!? I have been in a "normal" fasting range for the last 3 tests, even last week, but now she seems to say i have nearly skipped over the "pre" stage and am 2 points form diabetes!?? That just seems so odd to me. My levels were in the 190's the second hour. Normal is under 140,pre-diabetes is 140-200. It's supposed to take years for diabetes to develope, let alone get to being prediabetic.

This makes me so upset and confused. Especially because last year my levels were great. I was told and read that diabetes takes a number of years to develop. How can I go from good normal, to high normal, to borderline diabetes in a year!? PLEASE cross your fingers that this oral glucose test was off because of being on Weight Watchers or because of this long term stress I've been having. I know that both a change in what you eat before the test (lack of carbs and sugar= temporarily raised insulin response to sugar) and stress can effect the outcome. Honestly, I'm to the breaking point everyday, I can't remember the last time I felt remotely relaxed and not all jittery inside. I can feel the stress taking a toll on my body and mind so much.

Another thing. My internist did a general blood panel on me at my check-up this spring. My fasting glucose of 93 didn't worry her, it was written off as "fine". So if I had that score and now a 91, why would I have almost diabetes now!? Also The American diabetes Association recommendation for diagnosis as two FASTING glucose test. I had THREE NORMAL fasting glucose test! They prefer the fasting test over the oral drink test because it's faster, cheaper and feel that the results are reliable enough.

*It's two hours later. I did read, according to one author, that some have normal fasting levels and then problems with huge levels of sugar (ie. the 75mg sugar drink I had to take). Those people are pre-diabetic. I might not have read all of this correctly and maybe this author (who is not a Dr.) is wrong. I don't know. I just can't find anything else out there about normal fasting glucose levels and a high oral glucose test. I guess all I can do is wait to speak with my internist and pray and hope.... :(

I need to just tell you how angry, livid, confused and scared I am. I HATE my doctor, well, midwife. You see, I decided to try and have a pain medication free birth with Noah because studies have show it lowers the risk of c-section. So, I went to a local hospital that offered a labor ward that didn't push epidurals. I had to find a doctor who worked out of that hospital and they pointed me to my current office that has 6 OBGYN's and 3 Nurse-midwives. The doctors and midwives work together with each patient, but most often the midwives deliver the babies of women who wanted to try natural birth. After being in labor for nearly 20 hours my midwife had to leave and go home!!! So in her place came a new (albeit nice) midwife I had never met and even after hearing i had an emergency c-section with complications, my midwife never ever called to see how I was.
Maybe my mistake was still going back to her for my annual. For some reason, I think I went back because the midwives in the practice hold 45 minute appointments so you can ask a ton of questions, because test results were always looked over by midwives and doctors and because unknown to most, the midwives have nearly as many years in med. school but only with a OBGYN concentration of study, I felt comfortable.

So my thoughtless doctor sends this girl to call and tell me to go see my internist and she says: "It's nothing to freak out about, you might not even have to take insulin!"
Fuck you! Sorry, but I'm so angry I had to type that. The hell I shouldn't worry, diabetes and now there is evidence that even pre-diabtese increases your risk of heart disease, heart attacks, stroke, blindness and nerve damage to name a few. I wasn't even freaking out on the phone, just calmly asking questions about my numbers. Maybe you won't even have to take insulin! Yeah, great thing to say to some one who has no idea about whats going on with her borderline test results. I mean, what the heck kind of thing is that to say!? I said in response, in a rare assertive moment: :Actually Heather, diabetes IS something to worry about". But then she cut me off and just said call my internist.

For various reasons I've been going through all of this damn testing now for over a year and I'm so sick of it!!!!!!!!!!! It's breaking me down, the tests, the waiting, the making appointments. Everything has been normal knock on wood, but now it's only this glucose level that is off.

WHY!? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????????
I just want to not have to worry and think about these things. it's killing me. I'm most likely going back on Zoloft, YUCK! I have really bad anxiety still and I am depressed. Yes world, I am depressed and it is getting very hard to wear my fake smile mask and make the happy voice.

When will life be happy and easy again? This is starting to get old.

So that's my update. I'm waiting for a call from my internist to ask some questions and most likely she will have me come in for more tests. Yea!

I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, I'll keep eating well and exercising and find help for the way I've been feeling.

Thanks for reading.

* Basic and Clinical Endocrinology -"The best-selling reference in endocrinology! Authoritative, concise, and current, this "all-in-one" text focuses on the pathophysiology, diagnosis, and treatment of endocrine disorders. Written by recognized authorities..."

Says if you follow the link that severe emotional stress and not eating enough carbs before can alter test. I hope it's true.


Judy said...

Okay, first of all, (((((BIG BARNEY HUGS))))) to you. Man, you are some kind of stressed, and I don't blame you one bit. Anytime someone tells you something may be drastically wrong with your health you are sent reeling.

Diabetes is scary. It is (currently) irreversible. It CAN (not necessarily will) be the cause of death.

But, look at it this way, Lauren. If you are, in fact, pre-diabetic to diabetic, you are catching it at an awesome time - early. So much can be done at this point. SO MUCH. My father-in-law is diabetic - has been for YEARS - and he's not a candidate for shots. He might be in the future, but considering he's lived half of his life (he's 62) with diabetes, he's doing pretty good for no insulin.

Hang in there. Get some answers. Keep us posted. And know that I am thinking of you.

Kendra Lynn said...

OH Lauren! I wish I could come hug you!
I"m sorry you are so stressed. :(
I am praying for you, and if you need to vent/talk, just call me okay?
I love you very very much.


Lauren said...

Thanks girls! The "Barney Hugs" Ha! :) and Kendra prayers and love are much appreciated. I'm so lucky to have you guys!

Bree said...

Uggg, I am sorry I am coming to this late. I read the update, but just want to say I'm sorry you had such a bad time with the doctor. It definitely sounds like it's time to search for someone more sympathetic to your anxieties. I'm glad that everything did turn out to be okay, but what an ordeal for you to go through! I am really, really happy you are okay. :)

Laura said...

Lauren, I have to ask, which pratice did you use? Metro Partners in Women's Health?? Gee, I hope not 'cause that's who I used with Caitlin. I'm sorry that you had such of a bad experience especially since I remember talking with you about the whole midwife, pain-free option. *hugs*