Mama's Groove Report

Welcome to the very first, fine installment of "Mama's Groove Report", where I Lauren, will give you the most recent updates of my groovification journey. Ok,wait. That was really lame sounding. Is this cooler: Yo, yo! What's up my home slices? Chickity check y'all, my GROOVE REPORT!

Gosh, why is it so difficult to find one's voice!? I suppose this is just another part of getting my groove back, but should my voice be like most of my 20-something peers who happen to be single, without kids? It would say; "Yeah, and then we moved to this other bar on 6th and I meet this cute guy, he had that shirt on from Banana, you know, that shirt?!" They have all the fun. Or should I sound more like the handful of fellow new Moms that I know; "Well, chicken did constipate him too, but then I just gave him some plums and OH BOY! Did that do the trick or what!?" I do speak well on the topic of diaper absorbency.

You know, it is really hard sometimes to know where you fit in. I have love for all of my friends, childless or not. I just don't know where I fit in the most. I think though, that part of my groove is to find a voice of my own. I think it's saying today; "Wait! My rings, they feel tight today! Am I getting FATTER!!!?? Or is it.......... swelling!? Oh gosh! swelling is a sign of kidney problems! Kidney problems, that can be fatal! Oh God! " "No! No, Lauren, shut up. Just stop it. You're letting you imagination get away with you again. Just stop!" "Hmmm...what can I have for lunch? Ok, popcorn. Oh shoot, Noah's up already. No popcorn on the couch with Lifetime Television." " Maybe if I blow bubbles in the house with him just one more time and than I swear to stop, maybe that would be ok."

Tomorrow maybe it will say something more interesting and cool like; "I am a rebel, see me rebel!" Yes, that would be cool.

Ok, so some might want to know what I have done so far this week to get my groove back and then most of you probably don't care. I shall just tell you as I'm sure my TRUE friends would want to know.

Well, for starters, I decided to get out of the house with Noah more. No, Target doesn't count. This has entailed two play groups, a play date at Sarah's and one baby tumble class tomorrow. I met like a million new Mom friends this week and most of them were burning daylight just like me! Everyone was very nice, especially the lady who's toddler dropped his snack on the playroom floor that Noah proceeded to pick up and eat.

On another note, I decided to practice being more assertive. I actually honked my horn at a rude guy in traffic AND practiced saying swear words in the mirror today! Good bye confrontation-phobe, hello asserta-fem!

I decided to groove up my health too. I ordered and received today two weeks worth of diet drinks. A good friend of mine drank these shakes through a weight loss program at Beaumont Hospital and lost 85lbs! Now we are doing it together, but this time, unlike the all liquid diet program, we are doing 4 shakes a day, two snacks of fruit and one well balanced dinner. Yeah, now don't be jealous, but I get to drink 4 CHOCOLATE shakes a day! I hope to get my bike tuned up this weekend so Noah and I can take a bunch of good bike rides since he got kicked out of the babysitting room for a while by those Fun Sponges at my fitness center.

Also, I got around to seeing my OB/GYN this week. Pregnancy is really fun as you know and it's even more fun when it turns your body into a creature from the planet "WTF?" I've just been feeling a bit off these last few months so they did some tests. I gave blood TWICE this week. Today was the best! They stuck the needle in my arm and the nice nurse said "Hmm...you don't want to bleed." and then moved the needle all around in my arm. I guess since she was in there anyway, I should of asked for a complimentary Norplant for my inconvenience. Then when it was over and my arm wouldn't stop bleeding so she asked; "Do you take aspirin or blood thinners"? Hello! Duh! You just poked a hole half way to China in my arm! Well, it wasn't so bad. They are checking my hormone levels and my thyroid and my blood sugar. It's most likely nothing big if anything at all. It sometimes just takes a while for your body to bounce back after having a baby.

Oh! I forgot the best part! I was also sent in for an ultrasound! Let me tell you! They make you THINK that they are sending you in for an ultrasound like the ones you have during pregnancy,you know, the one on your stomach. Let's just say checking those old ovaries out takes..um..closer inspection. Fun. Knock on wood though, everything seemed fine.

Last but not least and THE MOST GROOVE-LIKE THING THIS WEEK! I attended my first Tupperware party AND I was given a brochure on women's Viagra! Yes, you read it correctly, but first I will say a few words about the Tupperware party. I bought two ice cube trays and a enormous salad bowl for my Mom. I drank a diet Pepsi and had fun. Now, back to what you really want to know; my doctor gave me a brochure on Avlimil and told me to read it THREE times! Hmm...maybe she's giving me a HINT?

Well it's now midnight and yet another evening has been spent in cyberland. I'm sure I have some baby soothing to do in 3 hours and a diaper in 6. Time to spend yet another back breaking night on our Ikea mattress. Don't ask.

Dear Noah, I love you so much! Mama's kind of getting her groove back.