Transitional Outfits from Summer to Fall! Screen Time and Your Family. Oh Yeah, and Donuts. Doooonuts.

This is a big week for me. I'll blog about it another day though.  Today, I want to share with you some things that I've found interesting and thought you miiiiight too!

How do you deal with "transitional" weather? That's when it it's not quite one season, and not quite another.  Here in Michigan, there were days last week that both had highs in the 90's and in the 60's! It's very difficult to keep up with.

My solution - outfits that can morph and do double duty with any season. 

If you know me, you know that I can be a total dork who wears purple neoprene and rubber boots every single day for six months straight. When I find a piece of clothing that I love, I tend to over do it. Way over do it.

One of these favorites was a floral "tea dress" from Boden that is almost perfect! I bought it last fall, liked it so much that I bought a second, and then proceeded to wear them straight through fall, winter, spring and summer! I have a feeling, a strong feeling, that this is probably ill-advised and possibly a fashion faux pas to wear a summer style tea dress in the dead of winter. In Michigan.  BUT, I love it so much, and paired the dress with a matching cardigan and tights, which was warm and comfortable.

Here is my latest incarnation of a warm weather dress heading into fall. The dress, tights and boots are all from last year, only the sweater and bag are new. Double duty outfit, SCORE! Already owning 80% of an outfit, SCORE SCORE!

Dress Boden - Last Spring

Sweater - Target

Super warm tights - Spanx (Kind of embarrassing to admit that I'm wearing "spanx", but hands-down they are the best opaque tights ever! Indestructible, will last a long time. 

Crossbody bag - Fossil

Boots - Corso Como 

And here is one more......

Dress - Boden from last spring

Cardigan - Lands End from last winter

Lace trimmed tank top - Target

Tights - Spanx , can't have enough!

Bag -  Fossil

Boots - Boden, last fall

I actually like the challenge of transitional dressing. It's not so bad if you just put a little thought into it.

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Have you heard of the book The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in a Digital Age by Catherine Steiner-Adair ?

I learned about Catherine Steiner-Adair and her work while listening to podcasts of the radio show "The Parent's Journal with Bobbi Conner".  Great show by the way, they cover so many interesting and current topics in parenting today. Things that make you think! You can find the Steiner-Adair interview on iTunes.

The book came back across my radar when Huffington Post published the following article, which includes a video interview with Catherine Steiner-Adair.....

8 Ways Screens Are Ruining Your Family's Life

 Basically, by providing our babies and children screens, we're actually re-wiring their brains, in not-so-great ways.  Children are spending less time on deep, imagination centered play and they're not learning how to self-sooth and self-entertain in times of boredom. That instant gratification that screen give is not only addictive, but it changes us. Additionally, PARENTS are spending more time on their smartphones, tablets and computers and less time engaging with their kids. It's everybody's problem.

I will be the first to admit that I am far far from perfect in all of this. For one thing....Duh.....I write a blog, so I am using screens a lot,  but I'm also way too attached to my phone and all of the little things that it does. I was also, now regrettably, one of those Moms who loved Baby Einstein. (Well , I still dig it, but now I wish I would have waited). Somebody gifted us the whole box set, so you can guess how much Baby Einstein we watched.  Noah was a typical kid who spent his toddler and preschool years watching shows on Sprout and PBS. When he was four a classmate told him about the online game "Club Penguin", with which he was immediately hooked! Our parents gifted Noah a Wii at five. 

If I could do it all over again, the biggest mistake that we made was allowing Noah to start playing on the computer at four, and the Wii and V-smile games at age five. At such a young age, he developed a love for fast moving, instant gratification screens. Quickly it's all that he wanted to do. We didn't fully grasp what a huge focus this was becoming for Noah until he was completely hooked. 

It's not that these games are so inherently bad, it's what they can do to a young, developing brain. And just like the Huffington Post article says, a child's constant desire to be on screens rather than out at the park or playing a board game together..... that can really disrupt the harmony of a family!

The silver lining....... while it's difficult to break screen time habits, it's not impossible! In fact, it can actually be fun! Remember in July when I wrote about my new commitment to "Simplicity Parenting" and "slow Living"? Ever since then, we've slooooowly been reducing screen time for Noah and replacing it with opportunities for imaginative, creative play. It's going great!

Small changes were made in August, like simplifying our environment....less clutter in Noah's room. This consisted mostly of the toys neatly stored and out of sight, and a changing cast of curated "exploration baskets" that I fill with books and toys that Noah hasn't seen in a while. It works! It really works! The archeology set that has not seen the light of day in a year, the crazy colors markers from the bottom of the desk..... it gets played with now....instead of screens!

When school rolled around, Jon and I came up with what we feel are pretty fair, pretty moderate screen time rules. We made up a colorful, fun poster for Noah to explain the rules, and used the opportunity to also explain homework and school year bedtime and morning routines. It's not meant to be rigid and authoritarian, quite the opposite, but I've found that a little routine and expectation goes a long way.

We made sure that the poster, explaining the new expectations used a lot of positive wording, like:

Good listening + Good Attitude = Good Things! These things, or "rewards" included a dip into the surprise grab bag, a trip to a playground or another place Noah wants to go, and the occasional imagination or creativity toy that Noah might want to work towards.

Jon and I presented the poster and went over the rules one evening together. We made sure to have time to discuss and answer any questions. I noticed that we rarely buy Noah toys anymore, especially when it isn't his birthday or a holiday. So, to sweeten this new "Slow Living Routine" even more, we selected two new toys that would get Noah started on more creative, non-screen play.......

Lincoln Logs

(Btw - Toys R Us' house brand Imaginarium makes a great set for about 1/2 the price.)

And a Skip-Ball!

So far, everything has gone great! The rules include no screens at all in the morning before school. Not only has Noah not complained about this, but he is in a better morning mood, we're not running late anymore, AND he happily reads books over breakfast!

Also, during the week, the rule is no screens until homework is finished, and then one hour a day of computers or video games there after, and thirty minutes of TV.
Some might not see the point in talking about reducing screens and then allowing an hour and a half of screens each day. It's my feeling though, that the key is moderation in everything! School is stressful and tough, so if Noah's homework and any other responsibilities are done, I think he deserves a little fun time to un-wind. (I hope to get it down to an hour a day, but we'll see....)

The best part....often times he's been CHOOSING things like Legos and art and Hot Wheels play over the computer now! And, Noah has been great at monitoring his screen time, and turning everything off when his time is up. 

I really mean it, there is a shift going on. 

We'll re-evaluate things soon. I might introduce a regular family game night, or a weekly new playground adventure. I also love that Noah's class does D.E.A.R. Drop everything and read! We might have our own D.E.A. R. too. 

The possibilities are endless.

So, if you are concerned about the amount of time that your family spends in front of screens, I highly recommend both The Big Disconnect and Simplicity Parenting. They're great reads and very helpful!

Here is just a silly picture of Noah and I that I like. (This was before I started "cramming" for my physical. Lol.) It was after Priya died and I was so sad and distraught, that I saw a bag of mini donuts at the grocery store and bought them! If you know me, you know that I try not to bring any real junk food into the house or else I'll EAT IT! So, this was a super crazy move for me, and of course OMG they were delicious and of course I ATE TOO MANY MINI-DONUTS!!!!

But........*blush*..... it was totally worth it. ;)

(Noah on some sugar craze!)

xoxox,

Lauren 

SLOW DOWN! The Four Most Awesome and Satisfying Steps to Slowing Down and Simplifying Your Way too Hectic Life

Some women read romance novels, and follow them up with a dish from  Fifty Shades of Chicken. Some flip through the pages of their favorite catalogues, drooling over the summer weight cashmere. But for me, my fantasy is nothing more than  having a slow and simple summer. 

(Or maaaaaaybe a box of those chocolates with the cherries in the center, that come out at Christmas.)

This video perfectly illustrates how I imagine my perfect summer. Only with no riding in the street, just the sidewalks, and  less lead paint. 

But we all know, not everyone can pull off a wretchedly precious, Kinfolk-style summer. So let's get back to reality.....

Listen, 

The first step to slowing down, is recognizing that you're going too fast!

 For years now, I've been trying to find a  balance between all of the important compartments of my life, and the time and attention that each one needs. 

First and foremost, being a Mother, truly a full-time job when you get down to it. 

Also, caring for our home with the cooking, cleaning, laundering, errand running and an ever changing list of home related "to dos".  Caring for the pets, nurturing friendships, and trying to be a good wife and partner too. Then there is volunteer work at Noah's school, which I love dearly, but became so wrapped up in, at one point, in 2010/2011, I found myself having little time to get things accomplished at home, I felt quite stressed.

So I set out to makes some changes, and I am finally finally in a great position to do so! If you are interested in slowing your life down a bit too, even just a little, I'd love to share this adventure with you!

I'll be posting in the hopefully near future, a series of writings on simplicity at home, tips and suggestions on how to get real-life change going. But here's where you can start to begin......

Step one:  Recognize that your life is too hectic at the moment.

It might seem strange that my first step asks you to recognize that your day-to-day is too busy. I mean, of course you know that! You live it! Sometimes though, when you're rushing around and each moment is filled to the brim with activity, you don't have the moments to really stop and connect with what is truly going on. Your stream of conscious thoughts might say: "I feel so rushed", or "Wow, this is a lot to fit into one week", but you don't dip below the surface to fully grasp how this overloaded life style is affecting your happiness, your health and your spirit.

Mini - Slow Down Suggestion #1 - Connect with Nature! Did you know, that simply by stepping outside, smelling the fresh air, gazing at some gorgeous trees or vibrant flowers, that you can actually LOWER YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE among other calming benefits? Taking yourself out of your frenzied day for just a minute or two can work wonders and affirm that our lives are more than just the latest deadline or the ever piling laundry. We're all part of something bigger, the world is around us, and it's beautiful!

      

     

Step Two: Acknowledge how a chaotic lifestyle makes you really feel inside. 

Is there a quality of balance and tranquility in your busy life? Most likely not. Are stress and exhaustion, or a vague sense of dissatisfaction present in your days? Is something just feeling "off"?  Do you sense that over time, you've drifted farther from your vision of a fulfilling life ?

 It is not easy jumping off the busy roller coaster. For one thing, it might feel like failure! If you can't continue to hold down a job, keep a clean and beautiful home, lead your daughter's Girl Scout group and find time to volunteer in your local community anymore...... then what's wrong with you? Just because you were able to juggles all of these things in the past, doesn't mean that you fail when you set down some of your balls. It actually means that you got SMART! That you are finally ready to take care of YOU too! Connecting with how your frenetic lifestyle effects you, and choosing to slow down a bit is a small WIN in the story of you, not a defeat. :)

Mini - Slow Down Suggestion #2 - Make it a priority to find time for something that makes you truly happy. Don't worry so much about "should thinking".  I SHOULD be doing the dishes, I SHOULD be out with my friends, I SHOULD find a more productive use of my time.

I know that making way for free time can be daunting, especially on the busiest of days, but 

you might be surprised! Sometimes the smallest, shortest and most simple activity, can turn out to be the biggest reward.

One day I spent ten minutes arranging flowers. It was relaxing, a way to be creative, AND we had a week of enjoyment as the flowers sat on our table.

Noah and I stopped for a few minutes to make cinnamon rolls together. It didn't take long at all, and now we have a nice memory. It was worth finding the small amount of time!

Even on a Saturday night, sometimes the quietest  things can be the most fun. For example: bird watching in the backyard! Woo Hoo! *Blush*

Step Three: Take stock of what's important to maintain in your daily life and what you can cut out. BE HONEST with yourself!

At first glance, you might never imagine being able to give up your volunteer work, a highly organized and clean home, or asking your child to only be involved in time consuming competitive sports every other season. There are endless things that we could give up, or cut back on, but most of them feel, at least at first, like a non-negotiable. You really need to delve deep to take stock. You need to be honest with yourself. 

Take for example, something close to my heart, volunteer work. For the past five years, I've been involved to some degree, in multiple volunteer positions at Noah's school. It is important for me to give back, and at times, I've really enjoyed it!  For four years, I held a position on the PTA's executive board as "The Vice President to Lower School New Families".  A much too fancy title, but that's just what I did.   Greeting, communicating with and assisting all of the new families that came to our school over the past four years. I've also been a room parent, the facilitator of a school-wide parenting group, volunteered for various events, helped organize and curate a small library collection, and, my biggest job, chaired a very very large fundraising event in 2011.

Volunteer work was a huge part of my life, and personally important to me!  BUT..... over time, as I began to become more and more busy, rarely feeling able to say "no" to each new opportunity, my happiness and satisfaction levels went down, and my stress level went up!

If you were to ask me two years ago, would I ever give up volunteer work, I'd laugh and say: "Never"! Now though, I've come to realize that while volunteering is something special to me, what is more healthy and rewarding on a whole, is finding enough balanced time to get my most important goals completed first. I wasn't able to feel truly happy, let alone relaxed, unless I was able to check off my important boxes, like being available and present for my child, keeping a cozy, happy little home, and finding a bit of time to also honor my need for some creative "me" time. Writing, creating things for our home, crocheting and walking to name just a few.

It's important to understand that cutting back on commitments and activities can be very difficult and bring about feelings of guilt and failure. But, if you don't put enough consideration into creating a balanced life for yourself, if you put everybody else's needs in front of yours, you will end up exhausted, frazzled, and unhappy.

In the end, I finished out my four-year term as the VP to lower school new families, and declined the offer of another position on the executive board. Will I never volunteer again? Of course I will! I'm sure you can find me working the cooking decorating station at our next Harvest Party, or the Valentine's Dance. I've even entertained fantasies of being a room parent next year. The take-away point being, for me, for now, I've come to realize that I needed to cut out the time consuming, on-going volunteer commitments, to better balance and slow down my days. 

 Take care of yourself and you'll be better able to help enrich the lives of others. You matter too! 

Mini - Slow Down Suggestion #3 - Try something new! Rethink your usual habits . One day we realized that even though we worked so hard to move into our downtown, we never stopped and slowed enough to take advantage of what it had to offer! In such a silly way, we would pass up local eateries at lunchtime, instead making something at home, or driving somewhere that was just part of our previous "routine".  There is a local pub, with a seasonal outdoor deck, just one block from our home. WHY have we never gone there!? Countless times, while passing in the car, or hurrying on my way, we caught a glimpse of happy people sitting on the deck, sipping cool drinks and enjoying lunch. 

A couple weeks ago, we chose to try something new, and went to lunch at the pub. Not only was it fun and relaxing and delicious, it was incredibly nice to just do something new!

Even Noah had a great time, eating fish and chips, and exploring the inside of the pub with it's old Irish instruments and artifacts. Do something new!

Just go take a walk. I know it's Monday night, I know the lawn needs mowing. Just take ten minutes to walk around the block. You'll all be happier for it, and who knows, you might even make a new friend.

You've been watching the same shows for a while now. How about re-visiting a golden oldie or a program that you've never seen before? You might surprise yourself! Here Noah CRACKS UP at a Calliou episode.  (An old favorite that he hasn't seen since age four!). And if you're a parent, you will understand Jon's expression......

Trying making a pizza on the grill instead of ordering out. Fun!

And if you're anything like me.....er.......stare out the window at squirrels and take their picture. SHAZAM! A new relaxing hobby!

Step Four: Time to make a plan! What changes will you implement and how?

Ok, this is the fun part. I will post more action-oriented simplification tips and stories in the future. To begin with for now though, start brainstorming and learning about steps that you can take to simplify each little area of your life. Check out the resources on slow living and simplification websites like my favorite - Rhythm of the Home and SlowLiving Family. There are many blogs out there about people who chose to simplify their lives and to slow down. I particularly enjoy author Amanda Soule's blog, SouleMama and her book The Rhythm of Family: Discovering a Sense of Wonder Through the Seasons.

Just to be clear, although my favorite resources center around family life and the daily activities of a parent, learning to slow down and simplify is important for anybody and anybody! Man, woman, parent or non-parent. This is a shared, universal need  for balance and tranquility.

I'd like to tell you about my starting point for simplifying, the book, Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids.
It's been an INCREDIBLY helpful book, a wonderful and interesting read, and it has changed our lives! And once again, the the wisdom gleaned from these pages can be applied to adults and children alike. The bulk of the book speaks to parenting, but certainly in general, the suggestions for slowing down and simplifying your environment, schedule and mind can apply to just about anyone, anywhere.

Simplicity Parenting helped me to make an action plan. It addressed four areas of our lives that I could work to change. Our home environment, our daily rhythm, our schedules and, filtering out too much adult media and content, like the news and the onslaught of marketing directed at children.

I loved that Simplicity Parenting also went into discussing WHY simplifying can be so healing and restorative, and how we benefit from it in many ways.  In the future, I'd love to share more about the book, and some of the changes that have worked for us!

Here is just a mini example, of some of the simplicity and slow minded shifts that we have made in the past month. It's been FANTASTIC!!!!

Environment - While my house is naturally a pretty organized and tidy place, I learned that by simplifying and cutting back on the number of extra objects lying around, you really work to calm your surroundings and in turn, calm yourself! Everything is just a little less frenetic when you simplify. Also, for children with a mountain of books and toys, (that they most likely rarely play with) simplifying their choices and highlighting a few special options, really re-centers children's play! I'll show you some examples.

This is Noah's bed before. Not too bad, but if you look closely, there are about ten stuffed animals and three blankies. We spent every morning looking down the side of the bed and underneath for the little stuffed animals and blankets that rolled off during the night. Then it took more time to make his bed and arrange everything just right.

This is Noah's bed after simplifying things. One beloved stuffed animal and one special blanket. I know that it looks a bit stark, but you always have the ability to tweak things after simplifying your environment. You can add special items back in if you or your children really prefer.
Surprisingly though, Noah has been just fine with his new, more simple bed. He hasn't asked for the stuffed animals or blankies back (They neatly sitting within reach in his closet), and it takes just 30 seconds now to make his bed now. So easy! Win-Win!

The same thing goes for Noah's bookshelf. Before it was quite cluttered with extra nicknacks, and it's overly-busy. Not really a source of calm in a room meant for rest.

Small changes add up. I removed the bulk of his long ago forgotten collections. The books have been better organized, and I de-cluttered the whicker toy bins.

Taking away to add-in peacefulness in this corner....

Here's the best part about organizing a child's environment. By removing the old toys that Noah rarely used, that didn't promote imaginative, creative play, or toys that he out grew, I made way for new discoveries! First I carefully put most of his toys, neatly behind closed doors in his closet. Then I made "discovery baskets", containers that I change weekly, with a selection of toys that I've noticed Noah hasn't given any attention to in a long time, or ever! I filled each basket with a carefully curated selection of books, art supplies, toys and kits. It's like everything old is new again. It's been just amazing!

He started playing with this fantastic Snap Circuits kit that's been sitting unused for two years.......

And this old favorite that's gone un-noticed for so so long...........................................

Marble  maze!!!!

And Noah finally noticed the rock and gem excavation kit, that was gifted to him last fall. He loved this one so much, that instead of coming home from camp and asking to unwind in front of the television, he actually asked to go dig some more!!!!

I feel that the best part of simplifying one's environment, is the magic effect that it has on how we go forward in using our time. Instead of staring off into clutter, or so many options that there is total indecision, we go for what is presented, giving it a second chance, and often times realizing how great things are!

All of this play instead of video games, computer and TV, has given Noah a new appreciation for what we call "imagination play", which is just my blanket term for anything but screen time. He loves to ride his bike.............

And splash around in the mini-pool...............

Or simply just be content to practice a new skill. Noah is so proud. :)

And it's inspired all of us to join in the slowing down. We go outside more..........

And do more relaxing things as a family, like an afternoon at the pool once in a while, instead of just busy work.............

And we take this alien cat .............

.........for a walk...........

Because now we've made time for it!

If you too take the time to stop and smell the roses, or at least to stop and take a picture of a bee stopping to smell the Wisteria, then I can GUARANTEE your life will be enriched by this small step in slowing down!

Hope everybody is having a nice summer! Talk soon!

xoxoxoxoxo,

Lauren