The LOLO METHOD - How I Style and Tame My Gray Hair!

** This post contains links to our own brand and online store. I may be compensated if you purchase the products found at these links. For a full explanation, please see my complete disclosure HERE! Thank you!!!  **

Guys, we all know it- gray hair can be a little..........erm......UNRULY.  Those silver strands that you're growing out can come in with a WHOLE NEW TEXTURE.  They can have a mind of their own!

Think beautiful, sparkling new friends who you invite over for a quiet cup of tea and a civilized chat, but instead they decide to go crazy and have a WILD PARTY on the top of your head!

To make matters worse, the vast majority of us do not have naturally light blond hair, so those new party-animal friends? Yeah, their antics are EXTRA noticeable when highlighted against your darker, non-white hair.

Today I'm going to share with you, what tools, products and tips I use to get my hair looking as soft, shiny and frizz-free as I can. I call it "The Lolo Method!" ("Lolo" is my nickname and it's actually not really an official method, but something that I do everyday and it works well, so I'll teach you!)

Before I begin, remember: you can have all the right tools like styling products and brushes, but without knowing how to use those tools they're not going to work! Be patient and practice. Give it your best shot and you'll do great!



Step 1.  The Set-Up

Ok, here we go. Let's pretend that you're starting on a day with freshly washed hair, just out of the shower,  STILL DAMP.  

My suggestion is that you use the purple shampoo and conditioner from our....ehemmm....ONLINE STORE when you need a bit of brightening of your whites. Or our clarifying shampoo when your hair feels a little weighed down from styling product build up. If your hair is good to go, our super moisturizing daily shampoo and conditioner will nourish you hair and help make the texture soft and lovely.

No matter what you use, starting with damp, hydrated hair is the first step!


Step 2.   CAREFULLY De-Tangle and Condition

So now, this is the part where you want to get yourself something like your fingers, or better yet, a wide-tooth comb like THIS one. When our hair is wet, it is extra prone to breakage and damage so please be super gentle!!! I grab sections of my wet hair and hold it slack while I comb so that I am not pulling my hair out. Use your finger or wide-tooth comb to simply get ride of any big tangles.

Next, I take my Life Changing Leave-In Conditioner, give it a shake and pour a generous sized dollop into my hand. As you use this leave-in, you'll get a better idea of how much your particular hair needs. Feel it out, there's no right or wrong amount! The Life Changing Leave-In is one of my favorite things that we've made. It just makes such a difference! My hair always comes out feeling so much softer, manageable and shiny. It also protects and nourishes with moisture.

You can gently distribute the leave-in all around your hair using the palms of you hands. Then, I personally follow-up with the wide-tooth comb to help evenly apply it.
Next up is a little bit of our Silicone-Free Hair Serum. This is going to give you even more softness and lots of shine! A small amount goes a long way. I start with a dime sized portion in the palm of my hand, rub my hands together and evenly distribute it.


Step 3. Here's the Important Part! The Smooth and Smoosh!!!

I will now teach you my patented technique for less frizzy hair. ;)
Ok, listen carefully.... so, after experimenting and experimenting, I have FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING THAT WORKS! I've been using this technique and it works every time.

I carefully comb my hair and make it as straight/smooth as possible on top. Then I use a cream like our Silicone- Free Styling Cream, or a gel, something like THIS . I smooth a small amount with the palm of my hands, moving from the part in my hair downward. The trick is, is that you are SMOOTHING down the frizz on the top of your hair. You can smooth all the way to your ends, but this is mostly for the wild gray hairs at the top.

Now, again, carefully, I gather my hair into a sleek, low ponytail, smoothing my hair down as I go. If your hair is too short for a ponytail, don't worry about this step.
After it is in a ponytail, one that is not too tight, but just snug enough to help keep my hair taunt, I then apply one more layer of my cream to the top of my head, making sure to smooth everything down and then I STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR!


Step 4. Air Dry a Little or Blow Dry While Smooshing!

You're in the home stretch! Ok, so, if you have time to let your hair air dry a little, then this is always good. I often let my hair dry to partially damp when in the ponytail. While this is going on, I check to see if my frizz is still staying down, and if it's not, I simply put a TINY bit of the styling cream in my hair and I smooth the frizz down again. Then I stop touching my hair! This is part of the trick.

If you are pressed for time, or if you just want to use your dryer, that's fine too! The concept is the same - smoosh, use gentle tension to keep things smooth, don't mess with your hair too much. When I'm ready to dry, whether it be from the start or after air drying for a while, I turn my dryer onto medium or warm and I angle the air flow down while smoothing the hair on the top of my head with the palm of my hand.

It's all about having the air flow and your hand and the product smoothing the hair follicle down. Your hair will look flat on top initially, but once you get everything smoothed, later, you can go back and add volume.

Ok, so dry smooth down, dry smooth down.......


Step 5.  Bring in the Round Brush!

This is the part where I grab my big round brush. You can use any type or size of round brush that you please. Just find something that doesn't pull out your hair. I've found that boar bristle round brushes work well for me. You just need to experiment with your own hair type.

Proceded to dry your hair with the round brush while also smoothing with your hand. HERE is a good video tutorial on drying your hair with a round brush!

Finally, I feel like the following trick really really helps to smooth and calm my hair.  After I'm done drying, I gather my hair back up into a ponytail or twist it into a bun and let it just "set" for a few minutes. I like to let my hair cool down.


Step 6. Finally, the Last Step (Optional)

Ok, this final step is optional, but at least for me, it makes a big big difference. I've found that using heat styling to smooth my hair is a super tool. The thing is, we have to be careful not to use anything too hot, or we'll damage and yellow our white hair! Straightening irons and curling wands are awesome tools, but, even on low settings, we are risking all of that damage to our vulnerable hair.  What I do use is large hot rollers. I use THIS set and love them very much!

What I like about hot rollers is that they don't seem to be as scorching hot and damaging as straightening irons and curling wands. Also, with my set, if I watch them, I feel like I can unplug the rollers a bit early, hence making them warm but not too too hot. I think that the velvety flocked covering to my particular roller set, helps to not snag or burn my hair.

Using the largest diameter rollers that your hair can take, will smooth your hair AND give you great body and bounce! It's a wonderful finish! You can follow up with a tiny dab of serum if needed, but usually I don't, the shine is already there.

And there you have it! The Lolo Method! 

1.) Wash and Prep

2.) De-tangle and Condition

3.) Styling Products

4.) Smooth and Smoosh

5.) Dry with a Round Brush

6.) Curlers

I hope this was helpful in your quest to styling your hair. I know that you might have your own tips, suggestions and routines and I'm always more than happy to hear about yours too! Also, for our very curly girl sisters out there, what do you use and do to get your gorgeous curls looking great?

Until Next Time, Enjoy Your Hair Silver Sisters!!!
xoxoxoxoxo,
Lauren 

Losing My Graith - Gray Hair Faith

Have any of you ever had the same experience? Do you also go through periods of doubt? I have a feeling that these might be universal Silver Sister feelings.........

There comes a point, after you've grown your gray hair all the way out, when it looks "normal" compared to....let's say the "skunk stripe" phase that you start to think less about it. You walk around with your gray hair for a while, a few months, a year. You see your reflection in storefront windows as you pass by, and in the bathroom mirror, and no longer does your reflection shock you. You're not surprised, you don't ask yourself: "who is this woman staring back at me?" It's just simply you, and you don't devote as much time thinking and worrying and questioning the gray.

That's what happened to me at least. After a few years of being a full-fledged "Silver Sister," I kind of stop analyzing it all. I thought more about most other things, and less and less about my hair color.

Then this summer, something happened. I can't tell you why, but the "looks" started getting to me again. I began to notice the stares more often. Here and there, everywhere that I went, my HEAD would get the stares! Was I imagining this?

I was so good at letting the puzzled looks go when I was growing out my hair. In the beginning, most people would give my half white, half dark brown hair at least a side-glance. I understood it, I looked looney! I would look at myself too! 😅😂

Once it was all grown out, I remember still getting little looks from time to time. From what I figured, I was a younger person with a head full of white hair- so not something that most people were used to seeing. It was also before the 20-somethings began to bleach their hair and dye it gray! "Hashtag Granny Hair," was not a thing yet.

It was because I could understand and sympathize with the human impulse to glance at something surprising or different, that I was able to brush them off to the point of not noticing the looks anymore. Not noticing them for a long time.

Then this summer happened. I have no idea what it was. Why was I suddenly getting more looks or maybe just noticing them again? Not just looks, but more like....you know the stares that people can do, that I myself can do when I'm daydreaming and I don't realize that I'm holding my gaze at someone in the grocery store a few seconds too long. The gazes when your mouth is kind of open and you're trying to figure out what exactly are you looking at? You know those?

Well, I got those stares, daily, multiple times, everywhere I went it seemed! I could almost read their minds from the expression on their faces: "Wait, is she old or is she a young person with white hair?" "Um....did she dye her hair white or does she have some problem and her hair went gray?" "Why in the world would she go gray?"  Things like that. That's what I *think* they were thinking.

And all this looking just got to me. I began to feel insecure, like a minor freak. I worried that all these sets of eyes were connected to a brain that thought: "WHY would she ever do that to her hair!" At first, I wanted to make sure that I just wasn't being paranoid. I need to know if I was imagining it. So, Jon and I went out on errands, to places like Costco and the grocery store. I let him know what I was worried about, and asked him to quietly observe and see if people really did stare at my hair. I also asked him to give me the honest-to-goodness TRUTH. Sure enough, ten seconds into Costco.....one look, two looks, three glances and on.

Validation! I was not (so) crazy. 

That's when I lost a little bit of my GRAITH. My gray hair faith. Faith in the knowledge that I was doing the right thing for me. Sure, it was good to avoid the hair dye that caused me allergies and avoid the chemicals that I had chosen not to use anymore. When I stopped coloring my hair I saved time, money and future stains to all my towels, but was this still enough to be worth it? Worth all of these stares?

We talked in the car, talked in the store, and talked again at home. Jon patiently listened to my worries and insecurities. I told him that sometimes I just wished that I was brunette again so I could simply blend in and avoid any attention. I didn't want to be a gray haired person anymore. I went through the pros and cons of coloring my hair and keeping it white. My husband, ever the diplomat, encouraged me to make the right choice for myself, and that he supported me either way. Either way? EITHER WAY!? "Come on" I said, "Just make this easy and make the decision for me!" But, he wouldn't.

In the days that followed, my feelings of grabulous (gray fabulousness) were at an all-time low. I was seriously considering dying my hair! I feared though, that if I should do this, I would lose the respect of many a silver sister and reader. I was too scared, and I just didn't know how to remedy these sad emotions.

Enter the pivotal moment of my graith rebirth, summer 2017! 😆😜 I hope for those of you who also struggle with your graith, that you have trips to Costco like this too........

The day I began thinking about coloring my hair, a few minutes after the "last stare that broke the Lauren's back,"  I said: "Jon, that's it. I can't look like such a weirdo anymore. I need to dye my hair!"

But no more than two isles later, the hair Gods must have been looking down on me, because a young GUY called out. I kid you not, called out to me from his table, (after I turned turned down his offer of "The Worlds Best Pillow,") and said "Hey! Your hair is really cool." Ha! What? Who, me!? "Yes," he said. "I really like your hair."

Now, I know what you are thinking, he's just trying to get me to buy a pillow and all, and this might be true! But he seemed so genuine and we got into a conversation about my hair, and I don't think he was trying to fool me. This young man said that he liked the gray, and then worried that he might have said something wrong after I thanked him for saying that and told him that I was tired of being gray though . He asked if it was difficult to get my hair to that color, and asked what I would dye it next. This made me smile. I said it was just my natural hair color, and he was shocked! Oh young people.....you're so young. I wish I was so young. I am so old now....... 😫😭😭😭

Seriously though, it was very kind of him. I thanked the pillow salesmen and then I was on my way to the potato salad holding my gray head a bit higher.

Wouldn't you know it, three seconds later in the potato salad isle, the most wonderful, sweet, kind woman came up to me and said: "I just love your hair!" I couldn't believe it. Maybe I thought....the universe was giving me a sign to not to dye my hair. "Thank you!" I said. She went on to point to her beautiful streak of pure white hair, and to talk about the ordeal of trying to figure out how she was going to get through the grow-out process. Then she candidly told me about her health issues, including MS, and how she wanted to stop applying chemicals to her body. That was very moving to me. What a brave woman. We talked a little more and I even shared my blog with her. I mentioned the support groups for men and women on Facebook, where we all encourage each other through the hard parts.

I went into Costco that day longing to color my hair, and I left with a renewed understanding of why I'm on this journey. I think it's to band together with others out there who are struggling with their own reasons for having to bare their natural hair. Without each other, I don't think it would be possible. For myself included! It was the brave women that went before me, that stopped coloring their hair, and shared their pictures, triumphs and struggles online. Without them, I would never had made it a month or even a week. I owe so much to my silver sisters, and that's why, with this purpose, I will keep going. I have my faith in this crazy journey the call "going gray" again.

Until Next Time!

xoxoxoxoxox,
Lauren 

My Favorite Shampoo and Conditioner for Gray Hair!

** This post contains Amazon affiliate links. For a full explanation, please see my complete disclosure HERE!Thank you!!! :) **

Hiya Silver Sisters, I'm back!  I'm here, and my hair is still gray! I'm sorry that it's been a while, but Noah is on summer vacation and I've been  a little preoccupied. That said, I've now been using my NEW FAVORITE SHAMPOO AND CONDITION for two months and I'm ready to share my review with  all of you!!! \(^-^)/

It's called Joico Color Endure Shampoo and Conditioner and I love it!!!
Joico is a sulfate-free, paraben-free and it has kept my hair bright and white. No more yellowing!
In fact, my hair is a just as bright as the day I left the salon two months ago, when I had a professional purple toner used.  The point is, usually by now, my ends would be brassy looking from heat styling and products, but they're not!

I really appreciate that I can find a shampoo and conditioner that both work AND let me avoid parabens and sulfates. (Thanks for the tip-off Silver Sisters!) This is not always the easiest thing to find.  I purchased my Joico Color Endure Violet DUO on Amazon as a set for $30. Each bottle weighs in at a whopping 33.8 ounces! They've lasted more than two months and are still quite full. I use my shampoo and conditioner roughly three - four times a week.  I can't even believe how long they've lasted. You can also buy the Shampoo and Conditioner separately or as a set in the 10.1 bottles for $16 total.

Beyond keeping my hair bright, Joico's Color Endure has helped to make my locks smooth, shiny and manageable. The only thing that I've noticed otherwise, is that it's not the most "moisturizing" shampoo and conditioner. So, what I've done is continued to use my regular, non-purple products, Renpure Organics Argan Oil Shampoo & Conditioner  a couple times a week to make sure I'm getting conditioning.

Our self-esteem is often tied up in our self-image. If having gray hair or the thought of going gray is pulling you down, and making you worry about looking older, treat yourself! Do what you can to make this whole journey a little easier, a little brighter! I know that the Joico products have certainly made a difference in my life, and have helped me to stand taller and more proud of my vibrant gray.

Until Next Time!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo,
Lauren :) 

Great Gray Hair Products and Makeup Round Up!

*This post contains some Amazon Associate links. I just wanted you to know that I haven't been paid to talk about any of these products and none have been gifted to me. I simply like the following items and would love to share what I've found with you! To read my complete disclosure, please see HERE! Thank you! *

Hair Sisters!  \(^-^)/ (I feel like calling you "Hair Sisters" instead of "Silver Sisters" for a change. Is that ok?) Hair Sisters, I am back once more with a few of my recent favorites. You can see from the photo below that I have totally thrown my "natural beauty products only" aspirations out the window. Actually, it was done out of yellowed hair desperation.  If I could find and afford only eco beauty products that truly work, I would easily choose to steer clear of anything conventional. That said, one, maniacal night, I was driven to order all of the hair  products that I feared the most on Amazon. Products that promised to make my lack-luster gray, SPARKLE!!!!!  I really needed help.

A purple toned gel to hold your style but not yellow it, some V05 goop to soften and smooth, and a RINSE (go ahead, you can laugh) to brighten up even the most dull heads of hair. That's what I've got for you today. Because I've neglected to cart myself off to the salon since last summer *gasp* , my hair has kind of paid for it. As time has gone on and I've gotten more white than gray hair, my color tended to take on brassy, yellow tones. Going to see my hairstylist Lydia helps immensely. She gives me a trim and a clear glaze with a hint of blueing in it to brighten my white. I REALLY need to go see her, but in the meantime, being busy with homeschool and all, I decided to try a temporary fix at home.

Here's a picture that I quickly took this morning. I tried smiling, but honestly, I just HATE taking pictures of myself. (I do it for YOU Hair sisters!) I feel like when I smile, it's even worse- my eyes squint and I get chipmunk cheeks and my nose scrunches up. Not a good look.  The point of this picture is to show you that after using the above products, my hair was brightened quite a bit! 

Ok, here's at least a half-smile. It's more "me" than the serious photo above. ;)

So you can see that my hair is quite white and bright at the moment. I've been trying out this trio of products for about a month now. Let me tell you about each one, and how I've been using them....

For starters, I'm still using whatever shampoo and conditioner is lying around our shower. It's usually a Renpure Organics Argan Oil Shampoo & Conditioner. Recently though, I've been more conscious to use a "purple" shampoo and conditioner at least a couple of times a week. You can see my "My Favorite Products" page for a list of my top natural and more conventional purple shampoos and conditioners. Since I've use up my "eco" ones for the time being, I've been using my 

Pantene Silver Expressions Color Enhancing Shampoo and Conditioner.  I like the stuff! No, it's not natural, or super special, but I feel that it works quite well when I need to get some of the yellow out and to brighten up.

After I wash my hair, this is when I...... USE MY NEW RINSE!!!! Maybe I'm naive, but I've always thought that rinses were something that grandmothers in the 1950's used. I might be wrong. Also, I've heard horror stories about white haired people (like myself) who accidentally turn their hair purple from a bluing rinse. I don't want to do that! After little free time and limited extra money for a trip to the salon, I became brave enough to try a rinse for in-between visits. I've heard that a lot of people get good results from Roux Fanci-full Rinse #49 Ultra White Minx. Guys, this is the stuff!
Thumbs up! I think it totally worked for me, and no purple hair look included! Apart from being terrified about the chemicals and annoyed every time I have to apply it, this is it! It works.

With damp, post-shower hair, I wrap a towel around my shoulders and stand over the bathroom sink. (Don't imagine this scene.) Roux Fanic-Full Ultra White Minx is a very watery, purple color rinse that deposits an undetectable amount of bluing onto your hair, neutralizing any yellow tones until the next time when you wash it out. Surprisingly, I personally have not had any purple staining on my hands or scalp or even white towel. Maybe I'm just careful with washing my hands and where I apply it, but I find the color in this rinse not to be a problem. You can read the reviews on Amazon to see how other women apply this rinse to their hair, but I just carefully squirt some from the pointed tip of the bottle onto the top of my head and then comb through. CAREFUL TO AVOID DRIPPING INTO EYES! I've also poured a bit into my hands, and then leaned over the sink or tub and applied it directly to the areas of my hair that are most yellow. One thing I've noticed is that it pays to saturate your ends and other places that are dull.

Next I put my hair up in pony tail for a few or I go right to drying my hair. I've only ever dried it on warm/hot with a brush, but see no yellowing with this product. In fact, my hair comes out whiter and brighter than before!

After drying my hair I've been using my large Conair curlers that have a velvety surface.  I know heat styling isn't the best, but my hair is so poofy and unruly, it REALLY helps to smooth down the frizz. I like to use my Giovanni 2chic Avocado and Olive Oil Super Potion as a heat protectant most of the time. It also helps to smooth out the hair shaft. After curling, I comb my hair, and if I want to set my style, like I did today, I use a small, dime size dab of One 'n Only's Shiny Silver Gel! I wondered if "purple" gel was any different from everyday clear gel products. It doesn't seem to be, and this gel is not what I would call "SUPER hold," but I like it a lot. For one, it doesn't make my hair stiff or crunchy at all, but it does help to keep down some of my flyways. Also, I figure, the purple tone isn't yellowing my hair, so why not. It can only help, right?

Finally, IF....if my hair is still frizzy, which is not always the case, or it it is lacking some shine, I will apply the teeniest, tiny baby finger, fingernail's worth of VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing for Gray/White/Silver Hair. Seriously, what is hairdressing even? All I can say is this stuff WORKS! Any split ends are immediately mended. Your hair gets a nice, soft shine. YOU MUST USE IT SUPER SPARINGLY THOUGH. This tube will last me until 2060. I know it. Sometimes I use a bit of the V05 on second day hair to make it a litter softer and shinier too. It comes in handy, and at this price, I highly recommend it for your gray hair tool kit!

In the makeup department, there are just two, quick things that I wanted to show you. Both of which I am wearing in these pictures. The first is Physicians Formula Organic Wear 100% Natural Origin Work It Full Flared Fit Mascara. I just love it! I've been wearing Physician's Formula mascaras for several years now. Many of their formulations are more natural and their mascaras make my lashes happy! I've tried four different types of Physician's Formula mascaras, but this one is my favorite. "Work It" not only makes my eyelashes longer and fuller with one swipe, but it lasts all day and only comes off with soap and water. It's pretty close to waterproof, but without feeling heavy or clumpy or waxy. It just great!

Also, I really love my new Origin's Matte Stick in Gingersnap.  These little, velvety lipsticks come in four matte colors. (Right now it looks like two colors are in stock.) I love them. The formula is creamy, highly saturated and has a lot of staying power. I feel like they moisturize my lips and I adore the matte finish. In fact, I like mine so much, that I can't wait to try another! I just read that "Eggplant" is not as dark in person as it is online, that it's more like a rose color. That might be my next one. Oh, and it's buildable color. I can apply it over chapstick for a more sheer look, and no lip liner needed.

And so my hair sister,s that is the scoop!

Until next time, be nice to your hair!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxo,
Lauren :)

A New Gray Hair Book! Susan Paget's "Gray Hair Adventure: Things I Learned About Life When I Stopped Dyeing My Hair!

Dear Silver Sisters, 

Have I ever told you about my friend and fellow silver sister Susan Paget, A.K.A. The Change Guru!? 

I met the wonderful Sue several years ago when she approached me about a gray hair interview for a podcast. Since then I've been hooked on her humorous but calm and reassuring approach to helping and inspiring women as they grow and change throughout life. I love Sue! Please take a peek at her website and Youtube page or join her warm and welcoming Facebook page if you haven't already. I'm truly sharing this recommendation from my heart, Susan's positivity and guidance has helped me personally and think you will love her encouragement too. 

Susan embarked on her our gray-hair-growout journey and enthusiastically shared all the ups and downs and observation and tips with the world. I loved watching her blog updates, Sue has beautiful hair and she always makes me laugh. I come away feeling upbeat and encouraged! :)

I was thrilled to recently hear that Sue has written a book about her experience! And not only that, but she kindly sent me a copy to read and.....I was AMAZED and HONORED to hear that she mentioned How Bourgeois in her book!!! (See, that's just how nice Susan is). 

I just had to share and tell all of you. The book is called - Gray Hair Adventure: Things I Learned About Life When I Stopped Dyeing My Hair and it has just launched!  (Just so you know, I am not being paid to advertise Sue's book, I really just think you'd like it).

For the month of October, a kindle version is available for just 99 cents on Amazon, and if  you prefer, the paperback is priced at only $11.99.

Here's a little book trailer that Susan made. It can tell you a bit more. 

Everybody, meet your Change Guru!!!

For the sake of total disclosure, I have not been able to complete the book yet, but I know it's such a helpful and uplifting memoir and I wanted to share with you instead of waiting. Some of my sweet readers have written to me when they noticed that I haven't been around much this past month. (Also the reason that I haven't had time to complete Sue's book). Everyone is doing well, but a little over a month ago, my schedule suddenly flipped on it's head and now I am busy Monday through Friday without the time I used to have to blog. I can go more into it at a later time, but everybody is ok. I'm hoping to get back to a normal schedule asap! :) Until then, I miss you and please consider this wonderful, wonderful book. It's when we share our stories that we find strength and joy along the way.

Until next time!

xoxoxoxox, 

Lauren :)

My Eight BEST Secrets for Dealing With the EMOTIONAL Ups and Downs of Going Gray!

Hi Silver Sisters, it's Lauren from September 2018!  I have the most amazing update for you - my husband Jon and I have launched our very own hair care line!  I have learned so much on my gray journey, and our new products incorporate all of my "tips and tricks" for making silver hair look terrific.  I am leaving all prior recommendations in place because I hope that they will continue to be helpful to people, and I will continue to use and enjoy many of the products that I have written about in the past. My opinions still stand on them. 

I hope that you will take a look at our new line By The Way, Your Hair Looks Fabulous!™  - it is a complete line of hair-care and styling products made especially for Silver Sisters AND for anyone who wants their hair care to be more natural and more affordable! 

- - 

This post is a hug from me to you. A hug that says: "I know that this is hard. Really hard. But you know what? I know that YOU CAN DO THIS! Remember deep inside, past all of the worry and doubt, that you are strong and you are determined and you are full of courage. Now onward my Silver Sister friend!"

Yesterday, I hit 900 subscribers on the How Bourgeois Facebook page. If you would have asked me three years ago, if I ever thought I'd have even 500 subscribers one day, I would laugh and say "never!" But I'm so glad that I'd be wrong, because today my life is richer, full of wonderful, new friendships and I see over and over the goodness that helping each other can bring.

It's YOU guys. My blog friends! My silver sisters, my beautifully caring readers! It is YOU who I see time and time again, leaving comments and notes and sending emails to help and encourage myself and to others around us. What a gift it is for me to witness such compassion and camaraderie in a world that can sometimes be cold and sadly cruel. You are shiny, bright role models for the human race!

What I'm getting at is THANK YOU DEAR READERS!!! Thank you for being there and thank you for pitching in to help each other. You are amazing and incredible and I am ever so grateful for you each and every day. And so, I hope to always be able to give back to you too. To send out as much encouragement and support and warmth as you have.

That's why I've thought long and hard about my journey to gray, and have compiled the things that helped me the most as my gray hair grew out. These are the "secrets" that helped to make this quite emotionally rocky, "adventure" go a bit more smoothly. It's kind of the companion post to my "Seven Best Tips & Tricks for Successfully Growing Your Gray Hair Out."  I hope some of these little tips can help you along the way too!

I love you guys! Thank you from my heart! \(^-^)/

******************************************************************
So you've made the decision that it's time for you to stop coloring your hair. Whatever your reason may be, you're ready, you're scared, and you're dreaming of the day when your transition is all complete!

(Scared me. Worried me. But hopeful me too....)

It takes a lot of getting ready to start your gray hair grow out. You might scour the web for hours on end, looking for advice and information on how to gracefully go gray. You could be searching for words of wisdom that make sense of this momentous change! And, quite possibly you're finding yourself desperately searching images for inspiration and encouragement. Looking for women who have blazed this trail before you, and came out looking half-way ok!

Yet for all of the prep-work and reading up and planning on how to handle this COLOR change, it's easy to arrive unprepared in regard to riding the roller coaster of EMOTIONAL change- when we dare to go gray.

(Sad me. Several months in.)

But fear not my Silver Sisters!
As you have arrived at secret #1.) The MOST IMPORTANT SECRET!

"For all of the turmoil and emotional ups and downs during our transition to gray, there is FAR MORE happiness and freedom and positives in the end."

Fear, sadness, feeling ugly, feeling old, not wanting to venture out into the world for worry of what they'll say and think.... Every not-so-great feeling you might have now, it is so worth it in the end, you'll see! The good out weighs the bad, trust me on this one. :)

Secret #2.)

"One day soon you're going to feel normal again. Your won't feel like you with gray hair, you'll just feel like plain, old normal YOU!"

From the moment that those strikingly obvious roots begin to show, and your fear and worry creeps in, to the oh-so- "interesting" looking skunk stripe that takes over later, and all you want to do is wear a bag over your head and sob. It feels like things will NEVER be the same.  A week while growing out your gray hair can sometimes feel like a month, a month like a year! If you're anything like me, you've been standing in front of the mirror wondering WHEN WILL THIS END!? When will I finally feel like I look half-way normal?  Will it ever NOT BE ABOUT MY GRAY HAIR again!?

Well, the answer is "YES!" Yes, yes, yes. Believe it or not, there will come a day, sooner than you think, where you'll wake up and it will be business as usual. You won't wake and look in the mirror and think of the gray. (You'll look in the mirror and think about how you want to style your hair that day.) There will come a time when you walk into work, or a family party or a friend's get-together and the talk isn't about how your gray hair is coming along. (You'll talk about anything else but your gray, because it's old news!) One day, things will settle down and you will be back to just being you. You will not be defined by the choice to stop coloring your hair, you will not be defined by your hair color!

Secret #3.)

"Growing your gray hair out is like childbirth, the memories of all the hard stuff will fade, it will quickly becomes a thing of the past!"

I know this comparison might sound a little silly, but believe me, as somebody who has been through both situations, I was surprised to find that after my gray hair grow out ordeal, the stressful memories faded fairly quickly. When you're in that "eye of the hurricane", and you have a few months of new hair growth, it can just feel so major! Every time you step out of your house, you might be bombard by worries of what you look like to the world. "Will people stare at me at the grocery store?" "Will I hear snickers from kids at the library?" It can be enough to make a person stay home! (And feel really down on themselves too.)

But as your hair grows, so will you self-confidence! So will the compliments, so will your hope! And at some point, your gray hair will be all grown-in. You'll be sporting a new color and a style or length that just feels right, and that is when all that you went through starts to change to become a mere memory. And then....then....before you even have time to notice, those memories....they fade! It's funny, apart from the photographic  evidence, there is little I remember about the months of growing my hair. Especially, I have let go of and mostly forgotten the difficult times. Have hope....HOPE HOPE HOPE....it DOES get better! :)

Secret #4.) 

"Decide to change your FEAR into FEARLESS!"

Here's the truth- when you wake up tomorrow, you have a choice to make. You can either choose to spend the day worrying about your gray hair, OR you can choose to spend the day being fearless and free and not wasting time on fear. Because the fear will do nothing. It won't help you or your hair one bit. It'll just suck up your energy and make you feel sad.

(I CAN do this!)

EMPOWER yourself! See your gray hair grow-out as a MISSION! See this experience as a mission to help other women who are struggling and going through the same thing. GIVE THIS DIFFICULT JOURNEY PURPOSE! The purpose is to help others through your courage. Be a living example that things will be ok. Little in this world feels better than helping others. Help drive change in our society for the acceptance of gray hair and other "signs" of aging. GIVE HIGHER MEANING TO YOUR DECISION TO GO GRAY. :)

Secret #5.)

"Create your DREAM TEAM!"

 It's time to huddle up. Nothing, seriously NOTHING helps to quell the doubts that can creep in like a good, supportive team cheering you on!

When I first started growing out my hair, I was SUPER insecure. Everyday I dreaded school pick-up at the end of the day. I thought that I must look completely crazy to all of the parents and teachers. I feared that I was looking exactly like a skunk! Luckily for me, each time I ventured into Noah's school building and rounded the corner past the library, I'd hear called out: "SILVER FOX!!!" And then I'd smile, take a deep breath and know that I've got this! The person yelling "SILVER FOX!" , reminding me to stand tall, was my friend Elisabeth, who was also our school librarian at the time. She was one of the first people on my TEAM! And what a contribution she has made to my success, just by being there for me with positivity and fun encouragement. :)

So get a group together, seek out those who are willing to help. For example, I called around to salons looking for somebody who would be pro-gray. I was VERY lucky to quickly find my hairstylist Lydia, who not only did not try to convince me to dye my hair again, but fully, whole-heartedly let me know how much she thought my gray would ROCK! That was huge. Every time I go in for a trim or a hair treatment, it's like an emotional high-five for my decision to go gray.

Surround yourself with supportive family members if you can. My Mother and Father-in-law were spectacularly encouraging. I appreciated their warm, positive words so much. My Father-in-law even came across a new book about one woman's experience with going gray and bought me a copy! How nice is that!?  My team felt strong.

And for those of you in a relationship, sometimes the support of a partner can mean the world. From the get-go, my husband Jon was nothing but encouraging. He was open to having a 33 year old GRAY HAIRED WIFE! Which I think, the thought must have been at least a bit scary. But even if it was, he hid it well. Jon kept me looking on the bright side when I was feeling low. Reminding me that things would get better. How lucky I am.

I hope that you can find some family and friends and co-workers and professionals to be on your team too! Don't give up in your quest to find them, because I promise you will! As your hair begins to grow, more people will approach you with questions and more often than not, kind words. Use those interactions as opportunity to make more team members!

Secret #6.)

"Practice the art of acceptance. Accept the fact that you have gray hair and well, it just might be a little uncomfortable for a bit. Accept the situation, sit with it, and know that this too shall pass."

We can do anything much more easily if we know that there is an end point. We know that one day, your hair will be all beautiful and nicely grown out. We know that this is only a temporarily difficult time.

Say to yourself each day: "This is only temporary. I will just hang on and soon this will be over." And in the meantime, remind yourself  over and over with your gray inspiration pictures and your going gray support groups online and your encouraging websites that things WILL be ok, and very soon for that matter!

Secret #7.)

"Baby steps. It's all about day by day."

 Don't do a week at a time, do a day at a time. If you are having a particularly bad day, one where you are hating your 4" of gray growth or wondering WHEN THIS WILL EVER END!? Remind yourself to just take it one day at a time. It's easier to deal with a day's worth of doubt, then a week's worth. Remember, tomorrow is a new day. A new opportunity for a new outlook. A chance to chose positivity and fearlessness!

And something REALLY fun about taking things day by day, is getting to TREAT YOURSELF EACH DAY! Every single day, do something fun to brighten your spirits. Change up your hair style, find a new hair styling product, put on a new pretty headband, look for sparkly barrettes online. Go out shopping for a hat. Like me, LEARN TO CROCHET AND MAKE YOURSELF LOTS AND LOTS OF HEADBANDS AND HATS!!! :)

Purchase a vibrant, new lipstick. Play around with clothing colors, eat chocolate, take a yoga class, check out some great books from the library. Just do nice things for yourself each day, because right now, you need that extra TLC!


Secret #8.)

"Look at things from the bigger picture.  Your family still grows, the seasons still change in amazing ways, you still see beautiful sunsets that make you grab the camera. Life goes on!"

This winter you might be sporting gray hair to your ears, next winter might be swishing around with flowing gray hair, pretending you're a snow princess! And see, life goes on because IT'S JUST HAIR!

I've told this story before, (I think) but I'll tell it again. When I was a sophomore in college, I went to a local cosmetology school for a haircut. My boyfriend at the time had always said he liked short hair on girls, and on this particular day I was feeling slightly daring. I'm not exactly sure why, but upon climbing into the chair I said: "I want a pixie cut!"

I'd never had short hair before, and with my thick, wavy and unruly mane, there is probably a reason for it. But, none-the-less, I received the cut that I had requested. It wasn't a cute pixie cut, at least on me. If you thought I already looked like a boy with my baggy "skateboarder" jeans and tee-shirts and skateboarding sneakers, then now I REALLY looked like a boy, and not a cute one!
One look in the mirror and I was devastated. What had I done!?

I remember riding my bike with tears streaming down my eyes, all the way to the dorms. Thankful for the cover of darkness. Once inside my room, my friends tried to console me, but even they understood the mistake that I had made. I couldn't stop crying. And for some reason, some how, we ended up in a friend of a friend's dorm room. There was a girl in there whom I had never met before. She asked kindly what was wrong and through my tears I explained.

And then she changed my life. In the nicest of ways, with no judgment, only with genuine words she said: "My sister had cancer. She lost all of her hair. She was devastated, but you know, it's just hair, it all grows back. Your hair will grow back too." *Pan to me. Sobbing IMMEDIATELY stops. FOOT INTO MOUTH. Turning bright red.* And yeah, in a single instant I got it, I UNDERSTOOD...... IT'S JUST HAIR!

I'm glad this person's took the time to speak with me. I'm so thankful. I think that is why, 10+ years later, I was able to eventually go through with growing out my hair. It was the constant reminder to myself that it's just hair. I know this doest discredit how HARD it is to have gray hair and show it to the world. This doesn't negate the sad emotions, the fear, the odd stares we might sometimes get, but it does help to put things into perspective a little, doesn't it?

And so my beautiful, warm-hearted Silver Sisters, this is where I will end my post for today. It's not always fun to end with the most serious point, but I felt secret #8.) helped me greatly when the going got really tough. It helped me to take a deep breath and keep my eye on my goal, which was to get all of my gray hair grown out. In the end, I am so happy that I decided to take this journey. Thank you so much for being here with me!

P.S.!!! If you enjoyed this post and felt that it helped you out a bit, please feel free to share this information with others! Together, let's encourage, support and help each other! \(^-^)/ <3 p="">