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Hello sweet friends! This morning I was trying to take some photos of my hair for our new online shop. I wanted some nice pictures of what our products can do.
All was going ok this morning, at least through the hair and make up. I went downstairs to attempt to take some reasonably usable photos of the front and back of my hair. When I got there though, I noticed that there were dishes in the sink that needed to be cleaned up, and the droopy plants that required my immediate watering attention. Then, as I was just about to start taking pictures, the dog started barking to go outside (AGAIN!) and I had to stand in the cold, repeating to her over and over: "DON'T YOU DARE DIG IN THAT MUD AGAIN JOSIE!"
Josie has had precisely 1,783 baths in the past two weeks, after squirrels dug up our small backyard patch of grass to hide their seeds. She figured out if you dig up the grass, not only can you find the seeds, but that it's fun and you can make HUGE mud piles with all of the dirt and melting snow. We're not thrilled with this new development.
Back inside and now running late, I was determined to get at least a few good photos. I held up my phone, tried to find the best lighting in our kitchen, and smiled. A doughy, old, tired me stared back on the screen. My chipmunk cheeks were in full bloom. The hollow, tired looking under-eyes, that I always hoped I would not inherit, were ever so slightly more pronounced than the blog photos of yesteryear. These past four years of homeschooling have been wonderful, but can sort of run you ragged. I used to spend my daytime getting things done, including exercising and primping and making healthy foodie foods and smiling for the blog! Now my time is split between parenting full-time, homeschooling, running a household and starting a business. This morning, getting those pictures was just so much harder than it was before and I was feeling it. I was acutely aware that I am a 40-something year old woman who is beginning to age and really began to question if I was enough. Enough of everything I needed to be to juggle all of these balls in the air.
I was near tears as picture after picture just looked "off." Especially when I went back and compared them to the blog photos that I took just four and five years ago. What has happened to me? I've lost my sparkle. I don't have what it takes to do all of this! I know very well that this is all relative, and that WE ARE OUR OWN WORST CRITICS, but I felt defeated.
Instead of beating myself up anymore though, I decided to stop taking pictures for now, maybe I could get better ones later and I really needed to get going on my errands. I hopped into my car, pulled out, and proceeded to almost bump into THE GIANT DUMP TRUCK BLOCKING 2/3 OF THE FOOT OF OUR DRIVEWAY. I got two houses down, when I realized that our street was completely blocked by heavy machinery. I was NOT going on errands right now.
By the way, did I ever mention to you that they tore down (except for two walls) a big, old pretty church from the 1920's, directly across the street from our house? Now they're building a four-story office building there. Each morning we wake up to another hairline crack in our ceilings from all or the jackhammering. Which might explain........WHY I'M SLIGHTLY ON EDGE!!!!
As I was coming back inside, it dawned on me that this is what all of this gray hair thing is about - being the true you, and being ok with it! Whether we stop coloring our hair for health reasons, or to get away from the chemicals, to save on time or the cost of dying our hair, it all essentially comes back around to self- acceptance and embracing who we really are.
Even more so I realized, this is why we created the By The Way, Your Hair Looks Fabulous! line of products. (I promise you, this blog post is not just an advert.) I wanted hair care that would represent a true reality, not a glossy, Instagram filtered version of a "perfect life.
I was frustrated that I couldn't find naturally derived shampoos, conditioners and styling products that I COULD ACTUALLY AFFORD! I was bummed that there wasn't a brand on the shelf that totally understood my crazy, gray fly-aways, the texture of my hair and just why my silvers needed help with shine.
We've toiled away for years now to create an authentic product to love. I've been spreading the message that the true you is great! But it hit me today, for some reason, I haven't been valuing my authentic self even closely as much as the products- Chipmunk cheeks, tired eyes, dropping the balls and all. I've forgotten to love myself too!
I might have had a momentary freakout this morning. A woe-is-me moment. It's ok though, that's also being human, being real. I know more than anything, that life is BIG and AMAZING and there's much too much to explore rather than to be stuck inside, pining away for perfection.
So here I am! The real life me. The not professionally perfect, polished backgrounds, but the best I can do in this moment. If there is one thing you could do for me Silver Sisters and friends, it's to stop today, take a deep breath and remind yourself.........
Until next time.