I Was Given Fair Warning

When I was a little girl, my pediatrician gave me the nickname of " The Mouth". Not because I would brattily mouth-off, but because at quite a young age, my mouth would just go and go. I guess I had a problem, I couldn't stop talking and I would talk to just about anyone I would come in contact with. A year or two later, when Jon was about four, he came home from summer day camp one day, holding a big trophy made out of tin foil. When asked what he won this fabulous award for, Jon replied; "Best Talker!".

So, when I was pregnant with Noah, we were given ample warning that our child might be quite a talker, and to be careful what we say around him. I kind of laughed it off, but indeed they were right and I have many embarrassing, public "Noah-ism" to show for it.

This week has been a particularly "fruitful". When I was dropping Noah off at school yesterday, his teacher walked up to me:

Mrs. Gloria: "Lauren, wait to you hear what Noah said to me, it's going in this week's newsletter!"

Me: "Oh my god, no, what did he say?"

Mrs. Gloria: "He walked up to me and said:
'My Papa goes on trips, my Nana goes to school,
my Daddy goes to work and my Mommy goes shopping!'."

Me: "Oh my god, no! This is so embarrassing, I swear I don't always go shopping!"

(Ok, before you get the wrong idea....so Noah still gets weepy sometimes when I drop him off at school. It's just the way he is, I have no idea. So to keep him from crying, each day I try to cut Noah off at the chase and I say: "Ok, Noah, I'm going to go do my grocery shopping now, and then I'll come back and pick you up and school!" And then I say ; "I know you don't like boring grocery shopping, school seems like SO much more fun, so it's good you have school today, huh?" Then Noah agrees and feels a little better. HENCE.....the "and my Mommy goes shopping" part. Oh yeah, and Noah was right...his Papa is on a trip to China this week and my Mom does go to school....art school!)


Mrs. Gloria: "Yesterday Noah walked into the library and told the librarian
that he is a 'delegate-or' !"

Me: "A what?"

(Don't ask me. But, I've been told at times he is the class's internal peace activist. Lots of inside fighting between the boys. And I guess he's been following the debates more closely than I thought.)

Shortly after dropping Noah off curbside, I parked my car and went inside for a little parent-child sing along that was going on. As I walked up to the class, Noah's other teacher approached me.


Mrs. Trisha: "Lauren! Did you have a baby at home in the bath tub?!"

Me: "Oh my god, NO! Why, what did he say now?

Mrs. Trisha: "Oh, it was amazing, you should have heard it, Noah came in this morning and started telling me this whole, detailed story about how you had a baby at home in the bathtub and first all of this water came out and then it went down the drain and then the baby came out and your husband was there and Noah and your in-laws were there, and how the baby was crying so you gave it a bottle right away........"

Me: (Turning deeper and deeper shades of red). "Well, no. Ha haa! That Noah, what a great imagination, huh? Where does he get this stuff?!"

Mrs. Trisha: "You should really write this down."

(Ok, so yeah, I know, what the H., right? Alright, first I am NOT pregnant, so CALM down. I am NOT pregnant and I DON'T plan on being either. No, I didn't have a "bath tub" baby. I think I know where this little "tall tale" came from.... Just as we were pulling up to school, Noah excitedly called out; "Look Mommy! I see school, and that's where you and Daddy got married and I was in your tummy!" (Choke, cough, cough) Look, the kid is convinced that we had a shotgun wedding or something, and I just became tired of correcting him and I was trying to cross a major intersection in rush hour traffic, so I gave him the partially mindless.."oh right, yes, yes, very good sweetie." Then Noah asked me what he was doing when he was in my tummy and I, still trying to dodge traffic, gave a half hearted, simplified version response..."Oh, you know, what babies do in there, just swimming around, floating around." He asked me if I meant in water and I gave a quick "yep". Then he seemed all concerned, but by this time traffic was really backed up and I was trying to get over for our fast approaching right turn when Noah asked me if when the water and the baby came out, did the water just go down the drain. So I seriously having no idea what he meant, but wanting to focus on the road, said again "yep, you got it!" The rest is history, according to Noah, I had a baby in the bathtub with my entire extended family present. Nice. So glad he could share.)

(While looking at a tank of goldfish at the pet store)
Noah: Look Mom, those are called 'fish' and sometimes they're also called 'fish sticks'! "