Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Hi Again

Urrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh............ (sound of me stretching, then hunching over a three dollar coffee, unable to block out background noise because my ADHD is making me CRAZY)

Most nights, when I'm lying there is bed, stressing over everything in life from large to small, one of those little ones on the list floats through my head. I say to myself "Shit! I need to blog, I need to blog, I need to start again tomorrow." I love blogging, I thoroughly enjoy writing and have since I was a little kid. Truth be told though, I don't do it so much anymore for a number of reasons that I just can't seem to sort out. For one, time is a huge problem at the moment. I know I've been whining for over a year now about how hard it is to parent Mr. Noah, how he is an intense, intelligent little whirlwind that sucks every ounce of energy out of you. Listen folks, it's true, it really is. He has the boundless energy, enthusiasm and stubbornness or all two year old boys, and then he has an extra "power pack" or something and I am zapped. You wouldn't think writing would take a lot of energy, but it does. It takes brain power that I just don't have much of by the end of the day. Seriously, my brain seems so mushy.
I regret that I haven't even been keeping up with phone calls to fabulous friends who live far away. My brain, my mouth, it shuts down by 8:00 and I become a "Mommy Blob", I iron our cloths for the next day, lay down, read and pass out. So, as much as I'd love to blog in the quiet of the night, it's not working so well.

I've been searching for a window or two to type during the day. I figured this would be a good time, but alas, my child has nearly given up napping much to my desperate pleading, begging and reading of dozens of parenting books. It makes me nuts. I don't get a break to really sit down for a quiet half hour or two and write. Even Noah's minimal time at nursery school has been pared down. He's been having a rocky time lately, crying suddenly on and off throughout the morning. At one point, I was being called to pick him up two out of the three mornings because they couldn't console him. I love his teachers, they are pros and for many years have been consoling dozens and dozens of two year olds, but Noah rains some kind of intense drama upon them that they just can't at times seem to decode. I swear, the tears come pouring out and as soon as he sees me, it's all smiles and "Mama, I go Nana's green house, let's go adventure in black car!" He's such a faker, but so was I...

So now I only have limited time to get my errands done, to clean the house and get to appointments. I drop Noah off and have just two hours to run my errands and turn around to get him. The school is about 12 minutes from our house, so when I do grocery shop I need to rush across town to the store, shop, race home to put away the frozen food and race back to school. I do this once a week and on Wednesdays, most of my time is taken up by my weekly shrink appointment, so that only leaves two hours free on Fridays, but there are always other errands to be done, nothing left for writing or relaxing.

A second reason I've put posting to the wayside, is that I am just so embarrassed of what a poor writer I have become. Unless I have tons of time to write and re-write, wrack my exhausted brain for the correct words, catch my numerous grammatical errors, spell check over and over, my posts are in my opinion, pretty crumby. There is no better feeling, (at least for me) to write something that has been polished to perfection, that you post or hand in and just know it's good. I don't really have the time to do that with blogging and I hate to put sub-standard writing on this site.

I have been starting to think I need a new, more "c'est la vive" approach to all of this. I'm going to try to post as many days a week as I can. Even if they are quick, two sentence things, with poor sentence structure. I'll post, because hey, it's better than nothing, right?

Well, this boring old post has taken me at least three stop and start writing sessions throughout the day. It's time to end it. So "Hi Again" and thanks for reading.

6 comments :

Laura said...

Oh Lauren, I totally know how you feel! Most days, running around after Caitlin and caring for Cara leaves me breathless. What I find somewhat amuzing is that I used to have more energy when I worked full time and parented Caitlin. Being a mom is HARD work. I'm guessing that Judy & Kendra (and others) can relate to this.
But, that said, don't worry about posting so much. I am just tickeled to read your thoughts (never boring) whenever you get a chance. I also love looking at new pictures on Flickr. Hang in there momma, he will be in full day Kindergarten before long and you'll have more time for you and to rekindle such things like serious bloggin and, oh my gosh, FREE time?!
*hugs*

meagan said...

darling lauren,

the reason i am able to blog is because of poor sentence structure and lack of capital letters.

blog just to blog, not because you care what people think.

have you ever seen vanover central station? haha.

Judy said...

I'm with Laura...parenting his HARD work. I'm actually hoarding posts this week as my older one is *gasp* RIDING THE BUS HOME, which actually gives me an extra 1.5 hours - WHEE! Next week is Spring Break here and I will have zero time at all to do much of anything creative and mommy-ish, like blogging.

Thinking of you - have a coffee for me, okay? We're banned from teh coffee shop until I find a way to keep Tyler out of the refrigerator in the back of the store.

Lauren said...

awww....thanks guys, always great input as usual.

xoxo

Kendra Lynn said...

Dear Sweet Lauren (my long-lost friend),
I empathize with your lack of energy and mushy brain.
I am up late tonight, because Scott leaves tomorrow for a business trip. I am waiting for his last load of laundry to dry so I can plop into my nice, warm waterbed and drift off to na-na-land.
The problem is: Life is just so busy! I miss you terribly...and want to see you so badly.
Call me if you have a free minute or two, okay?

Much much love,

Kendra
(who is just as tired as you are.)

Lauren said...

Hi (tired) Kendra,

This is (long-lost) Lauren.
I want to see you too! I miss you and the girls!
It's just that I wish we lived closer and your girls are in school the opposite days that Noah is. :( I tend not to schedule more than one thing a day for Noah because by the time we get home from school and have lunch and then spend a bunch of time fighting him to nap...the day is almost done! I know things are busy, we'll just have to figure out something soon. I am doing a playgroup thing on Tuesdays and a tumbling class on Thursdays, but have found that the week is now way too full and scheduled!

I'll give you a call soon. I'm so sorry, I'm not a big phone person these days and haven't called my friends much. I'm just too antsy to stay on longer than 5 or 10 minutes, so I've been avoiding the phone. If Noah is up, he runs around in the background and screams if I'm on too long and there is always an endless list of "to do's" breathing down my back. At night I don't call people for the most part, don't know exactly why, it's like my brain and my mouth turn off...I just need that quiet down time then, our house is loud all day.

Anyway...now that you know my neurosies! :) I miss you too and hope all is well. How long is Scott gone for? Jon has another trip coming up. He's been gone every month for five months, yuck.

Take care and talk soon!
Lauren :)