Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Tips on Cutting Pills

Yea me! Today was the last day of taking 25mg of my Zoloft everyday. 12mg, here I come! I finally talked my doctor into letting me try to wean off the Zoloft. He's really pro antidepressants, but as I've been feeling more like normal and don't love putting chemicals in my body so much, I wanted to try to stop taking old Z. I am still anxious, but nothing like before. I have my good days and bad days, but doesn't every tired Mom?

So here's my question...I have 50mg pills. I've been cutting them in half with my pill slicer, but how do you cut them in quarters!? I need to take about 12mg's for a couple of weeks, and then I stop. Should I just use a knife and scrape away 12mg's from a 25mg half? Hmm...perplexing, at least to me...

So far so good. I've weaned down very slowly, over 3 months. We did it this way so I wouldn't have withdrawl side effects and so I could keep an eye on how I was feeling emotionally. I'm a little scared that tomorrow I will start to feel yucky as my doctor said 12mg's is a point I might feel flu like...maybe. I guess 30% of people do. You know what though, I'm so ready and I haven't had problems before, so I think I will be feel fine.

As this chapter in my life wraps up and I go on to the next, I really wonder how I ever got caught up in this whole "antidepressant" thing. I never thought I would be a person who had to take them. I've always worried and honestly, my doctor thinks I have had low grade depression since I was a kid. Maybe she's right, maybe not. She said that after we talked about being made fun of at school every single day and the divorce. Regardless though, I never thought I would need help from drugs. I thought I would have Noah and it would be magical and happy. I never imagined my pregnancy would be a mental hell and the first 6 months of Noah's life would be lived in secret, solitary fear. I'm so glad to have survived this. It made me stronger. I still need to stop obsessing about my tonsils and death and germs and what other people think about me and about Noah and Jon. That stuff will come next, step by step. But for now, thank you Zoloft, you helped me out a little. I really hope you didn't damage my cerebral cortex 30 years down the line, but thanks for trying.

5 comments :

Kendra Lynn said...

I hope that you can wean yourself off and feel wonderful, Lauren! My doc wanted to know if I wanted to be put on an antidepressant...I told him a flat-out NO.
I am not so depressed that I can't live without meds...I am going to do it the hard way. LOL
I hope it goes well for you.
Love ya.

Lauren said...

Hi. I'm with ya, I didn't want them either but it was really bad when I first went to the doctor. I really wasn't functioning at all. Without any help, a Mom who is crying constantly and having a break down needs some kind of A.)medication or B.)help with the baby. A.) was the only full time option. The couch was getting really sick of me sitting on her crying and sleeping.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, even if it isn't your first choice. I owed to Noah to be able to smile and play with him. I'm glad I did it!

Lauren said...

One other thing, important thing Kendra...

Sometimes, a person isn't depressed or anxious because of their situatuion in life or what's going on around them. ie.) having a new baby or being sleep deprived. Sometimes it's because your body's brain chemistry and hormones are thrown out of whack and you can't help it. Sometimes, in those cases, only medicine can help to put things back in order.

In my case, it was definitly chemical and hormonal changes and I think a bit of culture shock. I think though, without the medication, counseling and understanding from my family, I would have had a much harder time and I think it would have been really hard on Noah.

I'm glad that your experience with depression was mild. No one should feel so down that the only way out is medication. Sometimes...it just goes that way and I guess...

Judy said...

Lauren, you are a brave brave woman. Hang in there! It is NOT the end of the world to be on meds like Zoloft, and if you get to 12 mgs and find that it isn't going so swell, go back to 25 mgs for a bit longer.

I have seen so many people overcome anxiety, especially after a major life change, and bounce back from the meds. You can, too, but don't make yourself a martyr and miserable if the timing isn't right? OK?

Lauren said...

Thanks Judy, your support means a lot to me, really. I think I will be A-ok. It's just been a bumpy journey, but that's what life is. We learn a lot along the way! :)