Saturday, July 04, 2009

can I do This?

* Originally drafted on 03/03/06, when Noah was 15 months old. I think 1.5-2.5 was just the most difficult. I was completely exhausted and didn't know why Noah was a little more high maintenance then his buddies. It all worked out in the end though. Hang in there 2006 me!
I'm posting old drafts that never made it up on HB.

All of you nice people who keep saying "Oh Noah is such a good boy when I see him". Can you please just stop? I know you are being the nice, loving friends you are, but seriously, believe me..Sarah will tell you, Noah is a handful. There's a difference between a bad kid and an intense kid. Noah is not a bad boy, he's a loving, funny, interesting boy! It's just that he is intense, strong willed, stubborn and driven.

I'm writing this because it's Friday and come 6:00 tonight, that will be 50 solo hours of Noah this week and I'm ready for a vacation. Yes! I know all toddlers are active. They should be called energybots or something. I know your kid ran all over the parking lot and yours hates her diaper being changes and yours only ate Cheerios for a day straight. Noah though, he runs all over every parking lot every time and every house and every store, he has NEVER sat through a diaper change and kicks his wipes off the table each time. He has not eaten and entire meal in over two months. He naps very little, still wakes 2-4 times a night,wakes from naps and in the morning and at night crying to get out of the crib, has tantrums on the floor in public at least twice a day now and has taken to screaming at mirrors. Yeah, I don't get the last one either. He is a hard kid. I'm not making this up guys.

It's my fault. He has my personality. I'm..energetic, fidgety, loud...I have ADD...I'm intense, impatient..ok, he's me. Oh I feel so bad for my Mom now! I'm sorry Mom, I hope I didn't drive you nuts.

I'm going to take a parenting class offered through a near by hospital :Disciplining your difficult toddler. I hope this works. Yesterday at the only place Noah seems content at for more than 30 minutes, the youth room of the library, he had five tantrums. One because I wouldn't let him shut the door to the activity room, one when I put his coat on and three when I tried to get him to leave the train table. He screamed at the top of his lungs, burst out crying, laid on the floor. So embarrassing...dude, we are in the library! Now, what? We have to always stay home because you freak out at the slightest thing? I feel so tired and so trapped.

Today in Mom and tot class I got so much good advice..Sarah gave me great advice on the phone too. I need to let him have his tantrums and work it out, I also need to be firm with discipline. I try, I really do. I'm so jealous of the Moms I know who can go to the store with their child and get the shopping done. I wish I could take Noah to restaurants without fear. There is so much more we could do, like travel, if he were a bit more relaxed. Some moms and tots from our class came early for a little concert of song and dance. Noah was the only kid who wouldn't sit on his Mom's lap and stay. As always, I had to leave because he started screaming when I wanted him to sit on my lap and clap hands and sing. Maybe one of these Fridays I'll just go alone and sing stupid songs with the other tots who actually listen to their Moms. Wow, I'm bitter!

!!! Ok, he's screaming in his crib right now. He's been asleep one hour exactly, only nap of the day so far and it's 2:15. Do I let him cry? I think so. Will he go back to sleep? No, he won't. I just know it. I will sit here feeling terrible for him and hating this for the moment.

Yesterday we ran into a friend. She was talking to my Mom the other day and asked " Will Lauren and Jon have another baby anytime soon"? and my Mom's answer was "no". She was right, I just can't do it. I don't know if I'd even want to. One Noah is enough for me!

I like that he's funny. He cracks me up daily. Noah's very curious and interactive which always makes for interesting play. He's the guy that is always up for anything, so that's a plus. I bet if at 4:00am I was like..Noah! Let's go to Meijers and eat cupcakes and ride the penny horse, he would be ready!

Ok, thank you for letting me rant. Noah's been crying nearly 10 minutes and my ears hurt and I want to throw up and it sounds like he's about to too. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I don't feel any better but maybe I will someday soon.


Zan said...

Was this before the sleep training?

Jonathan said...

Hi Zan, thanks for the comment. This is Lauren. No, this was after sleep training,I know it contradicts what my post on sleep training said. This was just a rocky patch with sleep and naps. Before 18 months, and after about 2.5 years, things got better. Yes he woke crying, but he also understood how to calm down on his own in the middle of the night. We just woke up everytime because our bedrooms are so close.
For us, the biggest effect that sleep training had was at night as we put Noah down. It went from a long, long process and then battle, to a relaxing routine together followed by Noah laying down and going to sleep without any battle at all.

I know this might sound strange to some, but also, Noah I suppose is not a good child to use as an example. He's not your "text book", "average" child. He had a much lower need for than sleep than most, and a much more intense personality.

So, that's the scoop!