Saturday, January 07, 2006

Why Are Airports so Sad?

Originally uploaded by Sebastian Vogelsang.
On Monday, Noah and I went to the airport to see my Father and soon to be ex-stepmother off while on a lay over. They had flown down to Detroit and were waiting a few hours to go onto LA for a meeting before leaving for China. If I haven't already mentioned, my Father and stepmother are shoe designers. They work as a design team, that's how their clients hire them, that's how they want to keep them, although they have a divorce being processed at the moment. My parents need to continue working together as a team and surprisingly, it was really painful at the airport for me. My stepmother and I had just started connecting with one another after 15 years of a strained and miscommunicated relationship. Just when my life with my fourth parent was starting to normalize, it all fell apart.

One divorce is bad enough, I don't want to live through another. I've always been the type of person who believed that divorce was no reason to carry baggage. I'm starting to think that was really naive of me. Sometimes I feel like I'm carrying a whole Louis Vitton steamer trunk. You know, the huge kind.

It was just so sad at the airport. Seeing them together and knowing that there may not be a next time . Knowing that my Father will soon move away to New York, perhaps my stepmother and brother to LA. Kind of like marbles flying in opposite directions when you hit them with the shooter. I'm an adult now, but I'm still their kid.

We sat there, in the lobby of the Weston in the new terminal. We had some brunch while the conversation turned to their bickering over who's boyfriend/girlfriend was younger. They both seem to enjoy dating young ones. My stepmom's boyfriend has been rumored to watch the simpsons and my Dad supposedly went on a date with the 28 year old waitress at the sushi bar. HELLO! I'm 28 !!! I think I'm going to be sick. My Dad denied it...kind of...

Tonight he called me from China. I said; "Dad, don't you think you should have a lower age limit of like, 40"? He said: "No"! and then I said: "Dad! I'm sorry but any 28 year old who would date a 56 year old guy is psycho, that's just nasty". Then I said: "Oh, I mean, not to be rude or anything, it would just be like dating your Dad".

My Dad moved out of their house and into an apartment so that my Brother could stay at home. My stepmom's boyfriend is staying at their house, watching my brother. I can exactly pinpoint why, there are a million reasons, but that just makes me feel terrible and weird. I loved that house, now it's just...sad. I wonder if I'll ever go back.

They shouldn't divorce. Anyone else those two would be with, they'd just end up arguing with anyway.

When it was time to say goodbye, Noah and I followed them as far as we could go. At the security gate I hugged my stepmom goodbye and then hugged my father. It was very strange, for the first time in my life really, I didn't want to let go. I kind of hugged him twice and then watched him disappear off into the security line. It wasn't so much that he was going to China for another was more of a last goodbye to a parent as I know him.

He says that I am too sensitive. He's always struck me as slightly emotionless and non-committal at times. I don't think he'll ever understand me.

I hope they end up happy. I'd hate to see my Father lonely again. It just hurts too much.
Airports are such sad places.


Judy said...

I'm so sorry, Lauren. I can't imagine what that feels like. ((HUGS))

Bree said...

That really sucks. :( I'm sorry you have to deal with it, and I agree, one divorce is enough.

Kendra Lynn said...

Oh Lauren, that was such a sad posting...I agree with you...airports are sad...and divorces are even more sad. I will pray for you adn for your family...I know that has to be very difficult.
I love you.
If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.