Monday, February 13, 2006

Life, Love and the Persuit of Reservations

Tomorrow is our anniversary. Our second to be exact. I am grayer and fatter, he's just fatter and we're both just old. At least I feel old. Maybe it's because we skipped over the whole "Young Newly Weds" part. You see my friends, our little bundle of ADD joy was born 9 months and two days after our wedding. NO! Stop it, it wans't a shot gun wedding. Jon and I are just a living example of the ABC after school special. Yes, sometimes all it takes is one time.

And since we decided to take our honeymoon in the fall rather than the winter so as to see the beautiful color change of the leaves in Japan. And since when fall rolled around I was eight and a half months pregnant and couldn't travel and we didn't go after all. And since on our first anniversary I was stressed and depressed and no one remembered to make a dinner reservations (we were married on Valentines day)and we didn't go out at all. We never ended up having a honeymoon nor a real anniversary. We did go out the day after our anniversary for a quick dinner for an hour down the street. We had to rush home for Noah and the whole time all I could think about was how sad I was, how anxious I was, how tired I was. It was not the year of newly wed bliss I had always imagined it would be.

Elleven months prior to our quick, pseudo-first anniversary dinner of seared exhaustion sauted in fragrant depression sauce on a bed of baby anxiety, I was hyperventalating and nearly passing out when the EPT test got a second blue line. I did have 3 weeks or so of not knowing about Noah,spent talking about the future, planning trips and going out with friends and day dreaming about buying a hip loft downtown. When that second, little blue line popped up, at least for me, it all just melted more travels or lofts or cheap convertibles funded by tax returns. I was scared, I was sad and I mourned the loss of "Just us" time. I suppose some would say that I had 9 months to enjoy just the two of us together, but my shock, fear, anxiety attacks and ever growing girth and fatigue kind of put a damper on things. We had to quickly leave the most beautiful place we had ever lived in. A sunny, spacious upper flat,in a 1927 tudor downtown. Jon and I bought a sensible ranch, family ready, very nice...but not the romantic nest of the early days.

Who am I to complain? I do have it all and I'm thankful. It's just that as aniversary time rolls around again, I've gotten a little sad. Sad that we missed out on a special time together, sad that we weren't able to take that honeymoon and sad that the first anniversary, we even forgot to eat the top of our cake.

This year, I dropped hints, ideas and multiple, simple sentences to Jon, that I would really appreciate, with all of my heart, some sort of night out this year. I didn't want to celebrate our anniversary, I NEEDED to celebrate our anniversary for my heart's sake. I asked Jon to plan it as I found that to be a very sweet and romantic gesture and anyway, he loves to choose restaurants and make surprisse.

Jon found a lovely little situation at a near by, new luxury hotel. It looks very nice on the website. They have a Velentines Day package of a luxury room, champagne and dinner in their restaurant. How great and Jon was even going to take tomorrow off work! He is such a hard worker and has never taken vacation time before, except for last December when he took 4 days, but ended up working three of them.

Then Jon came home from work tonight. The boss's boss won't be happy if he misses work. So now, as last year, perhaps the plan is no more. The hotel is a ways away and it wouldn't be worth it to rush out there for dinnen and then back home very very early the next morning.

What is a girl to do? I guess be thankful. Thankful for an amazing husband who's heart is huge. I wish there was more of him to go around, as everyone deserves a Jonathan for a husband at one point or another. I'm thankful for his generosity and hilarious sense of humor, his patience with me and his gentleness. I'm thankful that we have Noah, that Noah has such a super Dad. That we have a wonderful home, in a safe neighborhood. Food on our plates, clothes on our back and tires on the car.

So, no matter what happens tomorrow. Celebration or not, I will be thankful for what I have........ a wonderful Jonathan.

I'll let you know what happens AND about the rediculous anniversary I got for Jon. Stay Tuned.


Judy said...

Happy early anniversary!

You'll find in the long run that the actual date doesn't matter as long as you are together (except that time two years ago when Scott just simply didn't "do" Valentine's and literally broke my heart into a million pieces, right about the time I got the old positive on Tyler!).


Bree said...

Oh Lauren, that was a beautifully written post! I find with work and kids that David and I should never really "plan" for anything. Someone ends up working late or a kid pukes or, well, you know. It's hard to let go of that part of your life, because really, there is so much excitement involved with planning those date nights, especially when they are an anniversary.But sometimes lending your schedule to opportunity and spontaniety can be just as exciting, if not more. I really hope that you and Jonathan get a night out soon, one that you will both remember and cherish for a long time.

P.S. If it helps to know, the night David proposed to me, DJ was throwing up GREEN tater-tots into a bucket. lol