Wednesday, February 08, 2006

HB Presents: Salaryman Lessons 2

Salaryman Lessons 2: Enjoying the Big Game with your Boss

Figure A

Hello class, please take your seats and settle down. We have a lot to cover today.

As you may recall, Salaryman Lessons 1 was about how I start my day with a steaming caffeine delivery system, called "co-ffee." Today we'll talk a little about one way to wind down an evening, this time in the company of my employer at a multi-generational football-viewing party.

As you can see from Figure A, above, we went to a Super Bowl party, where my boss happened to be in attendance. The informal gathering can be a great place to mingle with your co-workers, provided you follow a few simple rules:

a. Stay sober. Does this look like the sort of event where you should be doing shots of strawberry-banana Mad Dog? This is not that time your parents went to Branson, Missouri for the weekend, don't get crazy.

b. Compliment your hosts. Ex. "Wow! Those are swell window treatments!" Do this even if you hate the window treatments.

c. Don't over-eat. See that tray of crudites? Eat the carrots. They're nutritious, and they make your skin look good in the reflection of the plasma screen. More importantly, by steering clear of fried snacks you avoid this. Ignore this point at your peril.

At this point you might be asking yourself, "should I pretend I actually like fooseball?" If you are, you're beyond my help. Note that fooseball is played on a little table, and we are actually discussing football. Please leave.

The rest of you are still here? To sum up: Don't be drunk, only backstab your colleagues during replays, and say nice things about the drapes. You'll be a divisional vice president in no time.*

*Don't count on it. You're getting business advice from a blog?


Judy said...

Also, make sure you pay the missus a complement, too - on the food or whatever. She's the big cheese, you know.

Judy said...

Okay, and I tried to post a comment on Lauren's spell-check one, but it won't let me...

Lauren, you must be goooooood because it has never said that to me, either!

And, we're all a tad bit green down here that you, Kendra, and the kids all got together today! There better be pictures somewhere in there!

Craig said...

I'd also add that if you're forced to sit next to the boss on the couch, stay absolutely still so that you don't touch him. A quarter percent comes off your raise each time you touch him.