Friday, September 16, 2005

Double Didgits

Dear Noah,

Happy 10 months!
I woke on the verge of tears this morning, how could my BABY be on the door step of toddler hood!? Eight weeks, eight short weeks and we will be celebrating your first Birthday. Hopefully they'll up my dose of Zoloft for that week, it'll be hard to think you aren't my infant anymore. I have so many regrets, regrets that I spent the first months of your life in a funk. The darn anxiety, the silly stress, the depression, the utter really kept me from enjoying those days with you. I'm starting to forget what it was like to rock you to sleep and I can't hear your tiny baby cry in my head anymore. It's ok though, because Daddy and I have taken about 10,000 pictures since your birth and I look at some of them almost daily and remember rocking you. And for that tiny baby cry....while the precious call for comfort would surely make me melt, if I heard it once more again. It is replaced by the most melodic Mama's and Dada's and Buuu...buuuu's from you that I have ever had the pleasure of hearing.

Sigh...... such regrets, but so much to be thankful for in the end. Someday if, and I mean IF Daddy and I decide to have more children. I will be sure to enjoy those first month with your brother or sister. We'll all enjoy them together. You, me, Daddy, the new baby and 75 milligrams of Zoloft.

That said, why don't we just stop at one! I've been thinking this month. One is enough, one is good! Two? No, I haven't got the energy. I dozed off on the couch yesterday while you played on the floor at my side. The classical music DVD was on and due to your love of 4:00am wake up calls, I somehow was not able to stay conscious. Luckily, when I came to, you were not rip van winkle yet, and so I must not have been asleep too long.

Yes, this month I have been thinking. You know, it would be a nice cozy little family. Just you and I and oh yeah, Dad. I could shower you with love and attention and Fisher-price until you are 14 and hate me. And when you are about 19, you will love me again and I'll send you care packages to the dorm, in the mail. I was thinking we could be a real Mother-Son team. I would love to have a "Mama's Boy". Ok... yeah, I'm sure the comments are coming...but let me tell you. I have a family friend who has a son that is 26. He still regularly meets his Mom for a quick lunch or dinner, tells her about the goings on of his life AND makes a fabulous gingerbread house with her each Christmas. That what I want! Lots of eating out with you and an annual gingerbread house making day. No! An annual gingerbread house making weekend retreat!. We could practice over the years and then enter that big contest at that hotel in North Carolina and be on that show they air on the Food Network each year. Yeah, that's what I've been thinking.

Hmmm..quite a tangent. So dear Noah, happy 10 months! But HELLO! I'm still your Mom!!! What happened kid? It's like all of the sudden; you want to be Mr. Independent. Well, that is until I walk out of the room. You want to chose when you get a clean diaper and when you want to sit in the highchair, car seat and stroller. You've made it VERY clear that naps aren't much for you and neither is sleeping until 7:00am. You're trying to decide which outfits live or die by taking your bib off mid-meal. You see think you are too old to be rocked, too big for your exersaucer. You pretty much try to call the shots. I'm sorry that Mommy must be firm. I do respect your opinions; but quite honestly, this wanting your own apartment thing is just not going to work.

Apart from being independent, your 9th month has brought many an accomplishment. For instance, I have taught you to turn our light switches on and off. You help me each time we enter or leave a room. You have mastered the stairs both up and down with quite a lot of grace I might add. Oh! Big finally crawl like a normal human. How I do love the "slug" crawl you invented, my creative, little genius, but adding a normal crawl to your repertoire has gotten you places much quicker. I'm sure there will be a dance move named after you. I will do "The Slug" at your wedding someday. You continue with the Mama's and Dada's and Buu's. I think you know who we are, we just don't know who "Bu" is. You started humming this month. It's quite cute and you dance to music too! 9 months brought 5, yes 5 teeth quite suddenly! All in a two weeks! You had your first trip to the cider mill and yes everyone, I did give Noah a donut, Ok! He'll be fine. Carpe' Diem and then just don't buy enough donuts to bring home and eat the next day. You took baby yoga with me this month and was kicked out in the second class and told to go to toddler yoga, no joke. It's a compliment though, you're good enough at crawling and cruising and getting around, that you have graduated from the infant class. Toddler yoga is the big time baby! Today was your first day of nursery school! Well, kind of. We went to Mom and tot through the nursery school department. I'll write a separate post about all of that later.

So my fine 10 month old, I will say good night now, because I know I'll be called by you at 6:45 tomorrow morning if not also at 4:00. As usual, I will fight the urge to scoop you up tonight as I peak into your crib before going to bed. I just want to hold you a bit more, while you're still my baby.

Night, Night.
I Love You,
P.S. Click HERE if you want to see more good pictures of yourself as a baby!


Kendra Lynn said...

Oh Lauren:
I remember those feelings of fleeting babyhood! Merry and Kelsey are both little girls more babies for me. :( Its sad in a way, but I so enjoy watching them learn and grow!
I feel your pain though.
Kiss "big" Noah for me.

Judy said...

WAHHHHHH!!! I am sobbing!!! What a wonderfully touching post, and quite humorous, too!

The pics on Flickr are GREAT - I was going to ask how in the world you got Noah to wear those glasses until I saw the following shots of him flinging them around in his hands and then you trying to bat his arm down from pulling them off! Okay - I now deem him a NORMAL 10 month old! Because if he kept those glasses on, there'd be room to speculate! And, that bear-red hat thingy with the colorful sweater and the diaper and the glasses? That picture? Ohmygoodness...BLACKMAIL!

While it is sad to see the babyness go, don't fret - more good times are ahead. Think of all the fun that will come with walking and potty training!

Laura said...

Welcome Noah, to "big boyhood". It's a lot of fun and you'll learn to do lots of new things that will amaze your parents.
Leaving babyhood can be sad, but I know, firsthand, how much fun (and yes, sometimes frustrating) it can be to have a toddler.
Your post was so touching & funny!