Part 2. I'd Never Join a Club that Would Have Me as a Member

It's been over a month since my last post. One long, exhausting, disorganized month. When I was a kid, summers were so good, now they're just chaos. Ok, maybe not chaos, but definitely not regular and routine the way I like it.

Last month I was trying to convince you people that I am an introvert. Which, I am. In fact, I'm a classic introvert:

"Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective."

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.

So, I'm just going through a thing. One of those little, introspective phases where I'm feeling burnt out and have the strong need to be alone. It's doesn't mean "Let's panic!". It doesn't mean I'm depressed, it's not even a problem. It just means that life has been oh so busy and involved and that my current day to day has been requiring all of the energy and attention that I have to give. The well has run dry. I am out of stock. But don't worry, I have me on back order!

Last school year was a super mega social busy ten months, and then starting in the spring, we had men in our house, six days a week working on the place for four months. ALL. DAY. I was never ever alone. Then summer hit and again, I'm not getting time to slow down and quietly recharge. Oooooooover Committed.

The reason I'm writing this is because I mentioned in the last post that Part 2. was coming, but more so, I wanted my friends to know something........

........because my gosh golly, I sure do LOVE YOU GUYS, and just wanted you to know that it's not you, it's me. Friendship is one of the very, most priceless and valuable things in my life, and I have an amazing group of gals. Each and every one of them. Really, really! Sometimes I stop and wonder how in world I can know so many caring, intelligent , fabulous friends. Thanks you guys. I'm totally fine, I appreciate all of you so very much. I'm just an exhausted introvert Mom who needs to recharge for a while.

Wait, no, I'm like a man from Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I need to "go into my cave" a little. Lol. I am a man!

I have these awesome friends who include me and invite us to lots of interesting things each week. I have this young kid that needs my full attention sun up to sun down, and a house that needs daily cleaning and tending to, and errands that need running for all of us, and food that needs cooking. And the laundry is always calling me and volunteer work at school and chauffeuring to swim lessons and birthday parties and play dates. And my house phone rings, and my cell phone rings (constantly), and the texts ding and my email pings, and then the other email account pings, and then my Facebook account ding-a-lings, and before you know it, my head pops off .

This is why I'm feeling a tad burnt out. Soooooo...... as the house is pretty much done, and when the summer ends, for my own personal sanity, I need to make some changes. I've decided not to volunteer more then my current commitments, which include being the vice president to new families in the Lower School, and facilitating a gifted parenting group.

I'm also going to stop feeling guilty for not staying to chat on the playground after school. OH THE GUILT. The kiddos get to see each other five days a week, all day long. If I don't have the internal energy for small talk, and if I want to get home by 4:00 to *slowly start dinner and pay attention to Noah before homework and bed, THAT'S OK!

Sometimes I get asked to just stay and chat, and often lots of concern to know if I'm ok when I'm not around. That's so nice, but it also makes it difficult to do what I feel I need to do. It's difficult to verbalize that I'm totally ok, that I've been on the go all day and ready to go home and unwind and cook dinner or get Noah lunch made for the next day, or the clothes ironed for the morning. It really is never anything personal. It honestly isn't, but I worry that I offend people if I say "no" too often. I think about this a lot.

I'm also going to make time to exercise and to work. Work on what, who knows, but I've started to buy materials to make my barrettes again. I used to make and sell accessories, and have been toying with the Etsy idea. I also enjoy writing and have wanted to take a painting class for years now, or maybe I will start taking one of the two Psych. prerequisite that I need to start that Master's degree someday.

I just need to carve out a little very quiet, very predictable, very peaceful space for myself. At least for a while. I need to recharge.

*I had a who slew of tests and was finally diagnosed with moderate-severe ADHD. Which is REAL people. I hate when someone says that ADD is a made up disorder. If you only knew how difficult doing everyday tasks were sometimes, like getting through a shopping list or reading a chapter in a book, or writing a blog post! Becoming a wife and a mother and a homeowner and a volunteer and all this jazz is like having a hundred ping pong balls thrown at your head. I'm more of a one-thing-at-a-time kind of gal. It was easier when it was just me. Maybe this is part of why I'm so overwhelmed.

Please join The Anxious, Introverted, ADD, Gifted Ladies Club

Lols.

Oh Give Me a Home, Where the Buffalo Roam......

Noah's having a great summer so far, and I think Jon's is pretty ok too. As for myself, well, I'm not doing so hot. "Not doing so hot" is a subjective term. It could be simple not hotness like Eeyore.

You know, gloomy, droopy, Oh Bother........

Or! Not doing so hot could be serious, crawling under rocks serious, laying in bed all day, crying at the drop of a hat serious. I really not either, I'm more in the middle. I'm ok, you're ok. Kind of like Wood Alan when Annie Hall left him and moved to California.

Or perhaps, much more accurate, I'm kind of like Squidward, forever overwhelmed and tormented.

I AM Squidward!

It all started this one time, way back, when I was born. Some how I was brought into this world lacking a special gene that regulated my mouth. I started talking at a tender age (according to my Mother), and then never stopped. I talked and talked and talked. I talked to my family, I talked to my friends, I talked to starngers, I talked to stranger's friends. I just talked. I also smiled a lot and was unaware of this thing called "shy".

Then it all came back to bite me thirty years later. Now the world didn't know me as Lauren the friendly talking baby, but as Lauren the super out-going extrovert!

E-X-T-R-O-V-E-R-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Um, Extrovert? Um... NO!

And now this as far as I can get today because now I must run an errand. Part 2. soon.

Profundity in the Garden

Sometimes when children speak, the very best thing to do is to still yourself and just listen. I wanted to record this little anecdote so I'll always remember his wisdom.

A little background: we're not a religious family, in fact, for all practical definitions, we're rather a-religious. We have dabbled in secular, humanistic Judaism, but there's no talk of God there, nor has Noah had any religious education, so I'm pretty sure the following came from inside.

Noah and Jon were in the fruit and vegetable garden this evening, inspecting our newly flowering broccoli and the lush, red strawberries that are starting to ripen. I was near by, playing with the hose when Noah suddenly and without a warning, leaped into the air, over the tiny tomato bush and past the peppers. "Mom!" he said in a firm voice, never wavering with doubt;

"Mom, I think that God is the Universe. I think that God is the energy in everything!

God is our food and our drinks and the energy that makes us go, and the energy that

makes animals live. God is the energy that make plants grow."

And then he smiled a HUGE smile, did a spin and danced away.

And just like that, without any expensive new-age books, or seminars or video tapes or meditation circles, my five-year-old son single-handedly described the belief that took me nearly thirty years to come to:

The oneness, that is the energy that connects us all.